[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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Comments

@fuckyou; audio [cw: mental instability, self loathing]

[blueteamproblems]

I can't talk about this, I can't-

[There's a panicked edge to Church's voice at first, but he clears his throat and starts speaking more clearly.]

I feel scared to even think these days. Every thought's like- like a fucking tripwire, anything at all could be the thing that sets me off and makes me break down. I've got no idea how I've managed to hold it together even this long. One of these days I'm gonna have to start thinking about what's wrong with me, about what those shitheads did to me. About whoever the poor asshole is whose body I'm in. And about Tex.

And... fuck, I don't wanna say this, but. What if someone dies and it's my fault? I'm trying to watch out for Caboose, but what if something happens to him? Just thinking about that is- I can't think about that. I can't.

@guardian; audio;

[phaseshifter]

Dude.

Wanna talk about it?

[blueteamproblems]

Do I sound like I wanna talk about it?

[phaseshifter]

Iunno. You sound like you need to, though. With how bottling it up has got you into this kinda state.

[blueteamproblems]

It's not- that shit I said about tripwires and whatever? That's why I don't talk about it. Because if I do, then I'll have to think about it, and- I don't know what's gonna happen. But it's not good.

[phaseshifter]

Being stuck in one place surrounded by tripwires doesn't exactly sound like a good time either.

[blueteamproblems]

It's not, but at least I can function like this. Kind of. I'm not totally out of my mind.

action;

[blueteamsproblem]

Things do happen to me a lot.

[ PLACID NODDING ]

[blueteamproblems]

Oh my fucking god you're not helping.

[blueteamsproblem]

What if I stay very still, and do not move or try to think. Because if I do not happen to things, things maybe will not happen to me.

[blueteamproblems]

I'd say that was a good idea, except that a, you couldn't keep it up for five minutes and b, we have to keep moving so it wouldn't work anyway.

[blueteamsproblem]

[ okay but he's going to TRY

which means he's sitting here very still and holding his breath

IT'S LIKE A FUN GAME ]

[blueteamproblems]

[...shit]

Caboose, don't hold your breath. You're gonna make yourself pass out again.

@featherydouche; voice

[mrcreamsicles]

I don't know how to help you. I'm pretty sure Clint dying was my fault. It's what people kept saying, or else implying, which is the same thing but without the balls to spit it out. And now all I've got is waiting and hoping I can fix it somehow down the line, but I can't help feeling like there's not going to be anything.

[He falls quiet a sec. He never intends to blurt this stuff out, but it keeps happening like clockwork before he can stop himself.]

[He clears his throat.]

What do you mean, whose body you're in?

[blueteamproblems]

You can't help, I'm not asking for help, and you're-

[Just a kid, he doesn't say, because he's not dumb and nobody wants to hear that. He just sighs instead and tries to bring a bit of calm back into his voice.]

And I mean what I said. Figure it out yourself.

[mrcreamsicles]

[Davesprite sighs.]

Alright, I'll fuck off. Good luck with your own problems.

[Probably for the better he doesn't make it worse. He's got an out here; he might as well take it while he has it.]

[blueteamproblems]

Sorry, I didn't mean it like.

[God, trying to not be an asshole sucks.]

It's just- I don't wanna talk about that. Not about any of this, but that part's- it's really shitty and I'm worried it'd make people hate me.

[It especially sucks when you can't stop talking about your fears. Goddammit.]

[mrcreamsicles]

Yeah, no, I get it. I do. I don't want to be talking about this stuff either, but my damn mouth won't shut. It's like I've grown myself a whole new leg and stuffed a boot on the foot just to grind my own principal of keeping this shit on lockdown into the dirt.

I can't say I'm comfortable about you living in somebody else's body, but—I don't want to force you to talk about it all if you don't want. If you can keep yourself from it.

[blueteamproblems]

Well, it's not like I'm comfortable either. I didn't ask to be put in here.

But, yeah, still don't wanna talk about it. So I'm just gonna go and- I don't know, try to keep my mouth shut.

@Spoiler ; video

[spoileralert]

For what it's worth, we never have to talk about this ever.

[blueteamproblems]

Good. You're one of the people I wanna talk about it with the least.

[spoileralert]

[ She rocks back, honestly a little offended. ]

What does that mean?

[blueteamproblems]

[Oh god no he doesn't want to say it no no no]

It's... you're like... a friend so I don't want you knowing all the shitty stuff about me. Because I'm scared you'd think differently about me, or pity me, or something.

[spoileralert]

[ Her eyebrows go up, and her lips slowly, slowly form the smallest of smiles. ]

Oh.

[ Is all she can really say to that. ]

[blueteamproblems]

We're not talking about this. Ever.