[network] @joacin; video/audio/text; poof [day 164]

[haillenarte]

[@joacin's voice is calm, husky, and professional.]

I would like to announce that the rubble in the museum has been cleared. There is now a viable path to the other side.

[there is an accompanying video:

the camera focuses on haurchefant — who else? — doing some heavy lifting, shouldering a large block of concrete from the pile and pushing it to one side. he isn't wearing a shirt, and even in the dim lighting of the museum, his muscles glisten with an alluring mist of moisture. haurchefant grunts. he doesn't seem entirely aware he's being filmed.

the camera then pans over to aymeric, who is just as topless and well-built as the first elezen, though considerably more tan, and less sweaty. he pauses in his work to sigh and roll his shoulders, running one hand through his dark and attractively disheveled hair. the camera keeps moving. house and merlwyb come into frame, but even though merlwyb has stripped down to a fairly revealing cotton bodice, the video doesn't linger on her. instead, it moves toward the last of the ishgardian knights, estinien, who has just finished removing the last of his armor; his back muscles flex while he pulls his luxurious silver locks into a ponytail — and just as he turns around, the video ends.]

Thank you for your patience regarding this matter.



[...unsurprisingly, five minutes later, @joacin posts another message to the network.]

apolgies
my apologies
please do not watch the preceding clip, here is the correct video
i am deeply sorry please frgvie me goodbye

[the second accompanying video is much shorter, and simply features the rubble pile collapsing in a cloud of dust, metal, wood, and glass while a startled hange yelps and moves out of the way. when the dust settles, there's a clear path to the other side! how nice!

...no shirtless elves in sight!]

Comments

@jphawkins, video

[rattlingthestars]

Wow.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

Quite.

[what else can he possibly say.]

Not here

[swatsflies]

[ Get a good look, Jim. They are what Zell wants to be ᕙ༼◕ ᴥ ◕༽ᕗ ]

@zd; text

[swatsflies]

WHOA. They all look really strong!
That's amazing.
Congrats on clearing the rubble!

[ He doesn't see anything wrong with the first video. It's just showing how hard everyone worked, right? ]

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

Thank you, Zell. You are, truly, a blessing.

[THANKS FOR BEING THE ONE PERSON WHO ISN'T SHITTING ON HIM, BUDDY.]

Action!

[bloodbrine]

[ Don't think she didn't see that video mishap, my guy. The look she gives him is half exasperated, half deeply amused. ]

Have a care, lordling. One might start to wonder just where your interests truly lie.

[haillenarte]

[francel is just. sitting here. in pain. suffering. his nose and cheeks and ears are all flushed a bright red. please save him.

in the tiniest, tiniest voice, he mumbles:]

My interests are many and varied, Admiral Bloefhiswyn.

@haurchefant; voice

[silverfuller]

Joacin, had I known you were recording I'd have struck a pose.

@featherydouche; text; you can blame Estinien for the threadjack

[mrcreamsicles]

hey so which elf are you up there
and which one is @estibien
hes being grumpy but you seem pretty into this whole thing

@zachtastic; video

[majorlazer]

So hey, dude, quick question: how d'you keep the muscles in this environment? Like, d'you even lift, bro?

[It's a joke, but still. Obviously considering the rubble thing, Haurche does lift.]

Seriously though. I'm losing muscle mass by the minute because there's not enough to eat. How d'you do it?

@quark; text

[averytinyparticle]

why were you recording this
why did you not double check what you were posting before you posted it
why did you not name the files so you wouldnt get them mixed up
why??????

[Why?????????????????????????]

@itsybitsy; text

[redrooms]

This is becoming an unfortunate trend.

@determination, text

[despiteeverything]

[And on that note......]

Make sure to put on nice clothes to show you care!

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[what does this even mean.]

I... pardon?

@featherydouche; text

[mrcreamsicles]

this is the gayest thing ive ever seen
and im including cecil gushing about his boyfriend in the running

@zachtastic, text

[majorlazer]

so gay

i'm amazed
and i'm laughing

@estibien; audio

[dravanicide]

[So. That was what the young lordling was doing when he caught him on the tablet. He had his suspicions, but little did he think it was... this.

He's going to answer through the tablet, because he's pretty sure if he made his way over to the young lord, he would likely break his tablet over his head.]

So, whilst we broke our backs making our way through the rubble, I see you were busy with matters of greater import.

[There's absolutely a growl to his voice. HE IS NOT PLEASE, NOR AMUSED, FRANCEL.]

@featherydouche; text; THREADJACK TIME

[mrcreamsicles]

[Oh man, he remembers that voice. That's the jackass who insulted his purposely terrible art and couldn't comprehend what he was trying to explain with his links. This is beautiful.]

so which elf are you
sweaty elf tan elf or princess elf
pls be princess elf

@ordo; audio

[hangfire]

[...




Is this a snuff film.]

Get this pornographic garbage off of here.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

How, pray tell, is this pornographic?
Naught below the waist is on display.

[...there might be a hint of disappointment to that one.]

@hotstud_xxx; text

[rubikscomplex]

dude
srsly?

[Well, there goes some of his blackmail on this guy.]

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

i think
your phrase for it is

i fucked up?

@guardian; audio;

[phaseshifter]

I - well - dude. Good to see that everyone is, um, keeping up with their training.

[ VERY good to see, amirite

And after only a few seconds of skimming other people's messages: ]

--oh my god, wait - wait. Stibs has princess hair?

@joacin; voice

[haillenarte]

[in a tiny, tiny voice:]

I do not believe he will appreciate your commentary on that, my lady...

@threblue

[heiresy]

[The second star of the video, the tab one, comes into view. He hardly has room to talk about spilling inappropriateness out into the public eye. More than anything, a sense of pity washes over him. ]

All is well, Lord Francel. Hardly aught to speak of here. Tis a common sight in barracks for shirtless exercise. [Or in Haurchefant's command room. Whatever. ]

"Princess"... Hardly the first moniker that comes to mind for Estinien,

@joacin; voice

[haillenarte]

You are a brilliant star sapphire in a sea of pebbles, Ser Aymeric.

[okay, maybe such vague and open-ended praise isn't the best way to approach talking to someone whose shirtless body you've just shared with the entire world. but francel's just trying to express his gratitude here.]

He would make a most terrible princess.

[a pause.]

Do you suppose he will kill me?

@Spoiler ; video

[spoileralert]

Mmm. Hot.

[ She loves you Zach but there is a terrible lack of nudity in their lives. ]

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[the shame is overwhelming — but at least someone else is enjoying this?!]

So it is, so it is; and I thank you for your keen remarks...

@caitsith; text

[catricide]

Little did I expect to be treated to a plethora of shirtless Elvaan. Good work, on both fronts. I am sure many and more find both videos rather helpful, for their own reasons.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[oh god it's the cat man. let's. let's talk about literally anything the fuck else.]

Hello, and thank you. We call ourselves Elezen, not Elvaan, but it is refreshing to be referred to by some word other than "elf."

How is Tempest?

@hawkguy, audio

[awwnoun]

[ ... Okay, Clint is just kind of amused, honestly. Poor guy. Sure, Clint totally turns on the audio and wolf whistles, but he really feels for poor Francel! ]

@joacin; voice

[haillenarte]

[the art of the mocking wolf-whistle, fortunately, is a universal concept. clint can't see it, but francel hangs his head in shame.]

I suppose I deserve that.

@totheark; text

[0thingsonmymind]

you should send more
vid eo

*He means like the second one, and the one that was in the thread with House. Really.*

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[...is the creepy "1-10 word" guy seriously asking him for more video?

more shirtless video, or more museum video? probably the museum video, right? is this something francel should ask about? but brian has done him a favor before with the old haurchefant blob anomaly video...

either way, francel's response is this:]

I am afraid, my conversationally challenged friend, that I may not ever trust myself to upload another video ever again.

@makeme; audio

[coyoteking]

Nice hair, Esta Bien.

[Is that stifled laughter? It might be.]

But you know, thanks for... destroying a wall? Whatever you did there.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

I do my best.

[he had absolutely no part in taking down the wall.]

@hsiaoke; video

[heavensreader]

[Kesara is one hundred percent not commenting on the elf porn. She is a serious explorer and also a young maid and everything is inappropriate. She puts to place her most sober and sombre expression to deal with this. This whatever it is.]

Have you explored the other side? We need to know if there is a way to continue East. That's the important thing.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[it wasn't porn! yes, let's just leave francel's mistakes in the past. can we do that? he'd appreciate it.

but there's no way in hell he's ever going to respond with another video to anyone ever again. he's feeling a bit lazy, so kesara's getting the exact same spiel he sent to house a couple of hours ago.]

Yes, it seems we can continue heading east. What little we have since explored of the museum's eastern wing suggests that someone (or multiple someones) took pains to destroy and vandalize the place.

[and, again, he attaches the same picture of the place. he adds another one for good measure, from his current location, but it's not too different from the first.]

brief video/text @Enoch

[warriorscribe]

[...At least something good happened in all this mess. Enoch forces a smile that won't come naturally in the wake of the obituaries, thinks better of it, and switches to text.]

Well done! I was thinking of coming to help, but I suppose I'll explore in your wake instead. Do you have food? I can bring some with me.

@joacin; text

[haillenarte]

[what an interesting-looking fellow. francel is a bit bemused by the fact that enoch bothered to send a video just to show a smile, but it seems like a nice enough gesture, so his reply is a bit more cheerful than it would ordinarily be.]

We would appreciate any supplies you can bring!
Some of our companions are bringing food already,
but they also mean to linger in the tunnels for a time,
and I am unsure how long our supplies will last.
Presently, there are seven in our party,
and despite our best efforts, our food stores do not last long.