[network] @joacin; video/audio/text; poof [day 164]

[haillenarte]

[@joacin's voice is calm, husky, and professional.]

I would like to announce that the rubble in the museum has been cleared. There is now a viable path to the other side.

[there is an accompanying video:

the camera focuses on haurchefant — who else? — doing some heavy lifting, shouldering a large block of concrete from the pile and pushing it to one side. he isn't wearing a shirt, and even in the dim lighting of the museum, his muscles glisten with an alluring mist of moisture. haurchefant grunts. he doesn't seem entirely aware he's being filmed.

the camera then pans over to aymeric, who is just as topless and well-built as the first elezen, though considerably more tan, and less sweaty. he pauses in his work to sigh and roll his shoulders, running one hand through his dark and attractively disheveled hair. the camera keeps moving. house and merlwyb come into frame, but even though merlwyb has stripped down to a fairly revealing cotton bodice, the video doesn't linger on her. instead, it moves toward the last of the ishgardian knights, estinien, who has just finished removing the last of his armor; his back muscles flex while he pulls his luxurious silver locks into a ponytail — and just as he turns around, the video ends.]

Thank you for your patience regarding this matter.



[...unsurprisingly, five minutes later, @joacin posts another message to the network.]

apolgies
my apologies
please do not watch the preceding clip, here is the correct video
i am deeply sorry please frgvie me goodbye

[the second accompanying video is much shorter, and simply features the rubble pile collapsing in a cloud of dust, metal, wood, and glass while a startled hange yelps and moves out of the way. when the dust settles, there's a clear path to the other side! how nice!

...no shirtless elves in sight!]

Comments

@guardian; audio;

[phaseshifter]

I - well - dude. Good to see that everyone is, um, keeping up with their training.

[ VERY good to see, amirite

And after only a few seconds of skimming other people's messages: ]

--oh my god, wait - wait. Stibs has princess hair?

@joacin; voice

[haillenarte]

[in a tiny, tiny voice:]

I do not believe he will appreciate your commentary on that, my lady...

[phaseshifter]

Oh, he never appreciates my commentary on anything. He should lighten up! It's very nice hair.

[ HUEHUEHUE ]

[haillenarte]

[even in his quiet murmur, there's a touch of dreaminess to francel's voice when he says —]

It is very nice, isn't it? Wonderfully long and silky...

[phaseshifter]

Do you know if he uses conditioner? And if so, where he found it? My hair's getting longer again, but it sticks up everywhere and it'd be so neat if it'd behave itself like his does!

Though you seemed more interested in the abs situation than the hair. Hee.

[haillenarte]

[the chatter draws francel out of his self-imposed Shame Bubble to speak a bit more clearly.]

Gods, no. This may seem a touch inappropriate for discussion, my lady, but I fear none of us have had the chance to bathe properly in weeks. The museum does not appear to have running water, or bathrooms.

Estinien seems to be simply... blessed.

[phaseshifter]

Blessed by douchiness, maybe. I mean - your other friends are pretty and don't have the personality of a bullymong, so if you look at it that way it's more like Stibs is cursed.

And kind of a jackhole for not sharing his hair secrets.

[haillenarte]

Yes, Haurchefant and Aymeric are well known for their good dispositions — meanwhile, Estinien's ill temper is oft spoken of in Ishgardian social circles... so I never dreamed he would have such... delicate features.

[a pause.]

What is a bullymong?

[phaseshifter]

Oh - sorry. Bullymong. A bipedal four-armed hulking beast known for its bad temper, immense strength, and surprisingly soft fur. Also they stink.

[ THEY'RE JUST MISSING THE PRICKLY ARMOUR!! ]

Try not to let the people picking on you get you down, okay? This is all harmless in the greater scheme of things.

[haillenarte]

Ah, I see.

[the description doesn't phase him in the least. hey, they've got animals that are just as weird in eorzea.]

In the last few bells I have had to accept that my already-mediocre reputation has been irrevocably sullied, yes. But given that many in Norfinbury seem to think of Ser Estinien as a monster and Ser Aymeric as a drunken lout, I suppose "Lord Francel the irredeemable pervert" is not the heaviest burden to bear...

[phaseshifter]

Oh, don't be a doof. I'm sure nobody thinks of you as an irredeemable pervert!

[ Except maybe Lutha

But like

He's a stupid racist fartbaby so it doesn't even count ok ]

I expect most people in your place would be prone to ogling. They just might not be unfortunate enough to post the evidence to the network, is all.

[haillenarte]

I was not ogling, I was...

[well, he doesn't have a good way to end that sentence. he's still in denial, okay!!]

Are you sure that isn't what everyone is saying? Sometimes I fear that the language here used is... beyond me.

[phaseshifter]

I'm sure, you dope. Most people seem to be gently poking fun, rather than being truly judgey. And the exceptions are - well. Best ignored under these circumstances, I think? There's no shame in --

[ ogling]

--indulging in aesthetic appreciation of other people now and then. Would you judge someone else for doing so?

@estibien; audio

[dravanicide]

Scant would I call my hair princess hair.

[phaseshifter]

Dude, you're just missing the tiara.

[dravanicide]

I need not such a ridiculous adornment. I am far from any such standing, and the condition of my hair does not fill that yawning chasm.

[phaseshifter]

Nonsense. Don't sell yourself so short! Few people are princessly enough to make me jealous.

[dravanicide]

Believe me when I say the very last thing I would ever worry myself with is making you jealous in quite a fashion. Such frivolity is below me.

[HE IS A MAN!! WITH MANGRIT!!! HE ISNT SOME PRINCESS!!]

[phaseshifter]

Do you mean to tell me that you have princess hair, but have never swished it around or tied it up in cute styles? I call rakksh-- rakkpoop. You're secretly frivolous as heck.

[dravanicide]

I care not for my hair in such a ridiculous manner. I am not some maiden with little responsibility outside fitting the visual fancies of lustful men.

[Though, Francel has certainly shown him how it feels to be one with this nonsense.]

[phaseshifter]

You can take pride in your appearance without doing it for other people's benefit, holy heck. And the last time I checked, guys were as guilty of it as maidens are.

[dravanicide]

Aye, men and women both can be self-absorbed and take folly in their obsessions over something so trivial.

[There is Ser Charibert after all.]

I, however, take no pride in mine appearance. It does little to affect my goals, and so I ignore it for the most part. Hence mine annoyance over all of this, seeing as 'tis something I care the least about, and so too should everyone else.

[he's just blessed by Halone herself or something.]

[phaseshifter]

Oh, I see. Well. There are plenty of things you can do to avoid this kind of thing and the annoyance it brings, you know.

Shaving your head might be a good start. Assuming that "princess" is worse than "muscular egg?"

[ ANGEL!!!! ]

[dravanicide]

Going bald in a climate such as this would be a folly of its own, would it not?

[The reason his hair is even this long to begin with is because he doesn't care to cut it until the fringe is in his eyes then he just... chops them...]

Regardless, such teasing—while annoying—is not about to convince me to chance mine appearance.

[phaseshifter]

Half my head was shaved when I got here and I survived. Even with the whole... chunks of metal situation I have going on.

[ It was pretty fucking gnarly, tho. Ugrghrhrh. ]

And I think that counts as taking pride in your looks! Even if that pride is centred on keeping them stubbornly unchanging. Princess Stibbie it is.