[log] fuck [closed]

[devoutish]

Characters: Alfie Solomons, Emily Kaldwin, Gregory House, John Watson, Royce Melborn, Tifa Lockhart
Location: building 120 and building 101
Date: evening of 190 to morning of 192
Summary: when you see "House" and "Royce" in the same log you know it's gonna be a party
Warnings: ear removal

Catch-all for EVERYTHING - death, murder, torture, yelling, etc. Top-level and tag as you see fit.

Comments

[devoutish]

[Alfie's eyes move towards the stairs.]

That little girl up there is having to learn things far too quickly, too.

[jumpthegun]

[John follows the line of Alfie's gaze.]

Is she the reason you're having second thoughts about kids?

[devoutish]

I see what's being done to her here.

[So yes, partly.]

[jumpthegun]

And what's been done is like nothing either of us have ever experienced in our lives. It's like nothing that exists back home in the places we live in. You know your world better than I do, Alfie. But sometimes it's worth the risk if you can work it out. A son or a daughter would change things. You'd have more incentive to keep things safer, take fewer risks, right? That benefits everyone, including you, your wife, and your child.

You have more control back home. Just remember that. Everything here, it's designed to break us down. That's not how it is.

[devoutish]

[But does he really have enough control back home? The doubt seeps in, even as he tries to remind himself that it's artificial; externally-caused. It has to be. Sure, he's depressed and discouraged, but he doesn't normally think like this.]

Still hoping I'll go straight, eh?

[jumpthegun]

I'm hoping you'll do what's best for the people you love, whatever that means. I'd prefer you go one way, but I know that's not who you are. Figure I can learn to live with that while we've got time left together.

[devoutish]

I would have to change some things. Fewer risks. Fewer chances to get shot.

[jumpthegun]

So, it's doable, right? Make some compromises, but that's just what you have to do sometimes.

[John isn't entirely sure why he's trying to talk Alfie into feeling like he can have kids again. It's keeping the doctor's mind off of Sherlock. And it really is unsettling in its own way, to hear Alfie talking like this.]

[devoutish]

I'd be terrified, all the time.

[Like he is now.]

[jumpthegun]

Not all the time. And your dad managed it, right? You grew up all right. Loved, cared for.

[devoutish]

Why does it matter to you, John?

[jumpthegun]

[John falls silent for a long moment again, finishing off the apple.]

Because I care about you, Alfie. I just... I want you to have a good life back home. When we get home. I don't want this place, everything you've seen here, to ruin it. You have a good life. You should live it. If you could live it with a reason to take fewer risks and get shot at less, I'd be happy for you.

[devoutish]

[He closes his eyes.]

Might be too late to not be ruined.

[jumpthegun]

You might still forget it all, like it never happened. Just back to your life. No interruption. [Losing his memories is a horrifying prospect for John, but he knows it might bring Alfie some comfort.]

Even if you remember, right, you make yourself forget the bad parts, and just hold onto the good.

[devoutish]

Impossible. I don't work like that, all rosy-cheeked and endlessly optimistic.

[jumpthegun]

No. You're a pragmatist, Alfie. That means you do what you need to do to move on. You compartmentalize, you push certain things aside, and you see to your people and your life. You don't have to do it because you're an optimist. You'll do it because that's the way it needs to be.

[devoutish]

And if looking forward, I cannot see a way that I could possibly do that? I'm a realist too, John. I know myself.

[jumpthegun]

Then you do what you can right now, in this moment, in the days ahead, to change what you see when you look forward. Until it's something you can see a way you could do that.

[devoutish]

You know me well.

[Better than he would have guessed, actually.]

You know this isn't me.

[jumpthegun]

What is going on, Alfie? MN Poisoning? More than just sickness? Steph thinks depression might be another symptom. If it is that, my blood will cure it, at least for a little while. Give you some sort of relief.

[devoutish]

Yeah, but it's more than that. It's coming from outside of me.

[jumpthegun]

[John's brow furrows.]

How d'you mean? Like it's something the-

[John breaks off, and his own eyes move to Alfie's where they're still glowing softly.]

Alfie, what have I missed on the network since last night?

[devoutish]

On the network? Nothing.

[Then he corrects himself:]

No-- some of us have been hearing music. House talked a bit about that.

[Alfie hadn't looked at much of it, which is uncharacteristic.]

[jumpthegun]

What kind of music? Like just in your head?

[devoutish]

Singing. I'm not hearing it now.