[network] @hotstud_xxx; Night 112 [text]

[rubikscomplex]

[He needs to do some damage control on his image, not to mention drag his own mind away from the fact that he's done very little in the past few days to stop people doing things that are going to get them killed. So, what better way than being a nuisance?]

good evening and welcome, ladies, gentlemen and goat-things
to snowhell's first edition of the most eligible bachelor
our contestant tonight?
you know him as that guy who rhymes with man-pain
kain!

ladies (or guys)
for tonight only
we're showing an exclusive pic
get a peek under the hood and decide if you want the junk in that trunk

call in now to ask questions about our bachelor
and bid on him
heard someone's got condoms
might wanna keep em handy

[And to go along with this nonsense, there's an attached PNG. kman.png]

Comments

[rubikscomplex]

'kay
so are you bidding on kain?

[ecks]

no
i have been repeatedly instructed not to engage in sexual intercourse

[rubikscomplex]

who said you have to have sex with him?
i hear he makes bombs

[ecks]

you said condoms
condoms are not necessary for bombs

also he says you are not authorized to sell him.

[rubikscomplex]

depends on the explosion

that's just a game we're playing
don't worry
i'm totally authorized

[ecks]

it is possible he is a liar
it is possible he is lying that you cannot sell him
but i know you are a liar sometimes
like now
now you are being a liar
i have weighed the evidence available and that is my conclusion

is this the type of lie that is a joke?

[rubikscomplex]

when i have to explain it
it's not really a joke
and i'm still totally stuck on that honesty thing
it's a bitch

[ecks]

jokes are only funny when i know they are jokes

[Enforced honesty, though. That does make her pause; she knows he was under that condition when she last communicated with him.]



what is the purpose of this game

[rubikscomplex]

to get kain laid
and me supplies

[ecks]

you said it did not have to be for sex
which would contradict the first purpose

[rubikscomplex]

the purpose is to get him laid
i don't care if that actually happens
the getting me supplies is more important
hence why we're taking bids from the dudes when he's only into chicks

[ecks]

i do not understand
this scenario does not seem likely to induce his cooperation

[rubikscomplex]

it's a human thing
we're complicated

[ecks]

Perhaps that is why humans are nearing extinction where I am from.

[rubikscomplex]

or maybe orcs keep chopping them up to eat and make clothes out of

[ecks]

that also
humans are not very hard to chop up

[rubikscomplex]

got a lot of experience with that?

[ecks]

I do not eat humans or make clothes out of them.

[rubikscomplex]

but you do chop them up
cool

[ecks]

I did not say that.

[rubikscomplex]

you didn't not say it

[ecks]

You cannot sell Kain. He does not want to be sold.

[rubikscomplex]

[Okay. Well, then. Jesus Christ.]

protip on deflection:
you need to start it earlier and be way more subtle
because you just made yourself suspicious as hell to every single person reading this, secksy

[ecks]

I don't want to talk about people being chopped up anymore. And that is not my name.

[rubikscomplex]

bad times?