[network] @captaininvincible; public survey; Evening 64 [open] [language warning]

[notaquaman]

AUDIO

[This post appears on the network with no preamble and no context. Well, the context isn't terribly hard to figure out, especially for anyone who's already dealt with Nathan since his arrival two mornings past. Seems like this guy just really likes to find reasons to listen to himself talk.]

What would you consider better to use as a lubricant:

A: Soap
or
B: Gel

I'm leaning toward the gel on account of its soothing aloe vera ingredients. But they do say that cleanliness and close to godliness, so one can't rule out the soap. Thoughts? Opinions? I'm asking for a friend.

[A hesitation, and then he decides to ask another question.]

While we're at it, any MacGyver enthusiasts out there with suggestions for the best way to turn baby clothes into something actually useful to keep warm with? I was thinking some sort of cap, but this really isn't cutting it.

Comments

@JPHawkins, audio

[rattlingthestars]

Lubricant for w-

[ WAIT NO he's not talking about machine oil ABORT ABORT ABORT. ]

- Wait, nevermind. How big are the baby clothes?

[notaquaman]

[It's a good thing for both of them this is audio, because Nathan has the stupidest smile on his face. Oh, Jim, you've opened the can of worms.]

Why? Are you embarrassed? It's all a part of nature. Us humans have urges just like the rest of the animal kingdom, you know.

[But, yes, the actual important question. You know, if you could actually compare the two of them.]

Not very. Right about newborn size, I'd say. Maybe...eeeeeeeh I'd say about the size of a three to five month old.

[Dear God, maybe he'll need to use that soap to scrub his brain clean. He doesn't want to know even that much about babies. They're so...fragile. If the time he stole that baby was the last time he ever held one, it would be too soon.]

[rattlingthestars]

It's got to be fifty below out there. You're going to freeze it off.

[ Why yes, Jim is embarrassed, and sounds it judging by the slight squeak in his voice. Moving on, Nathan. ]

Tie the arms together and make a scarf, maybe. I found a sewing kit in one of the houses but it'd take forever to make a hat.

[notaquaman]

Well I'm not going to take a big wank outside, Jesus! What do you take me for? An amateur at masturbation?

[Oh, no. That baby does get quite the workout. But...speaking of babies. Knocking one out right next to a baby's crib really does make for a fantastic mood killer. Especially considering he keeps swearing he hears some kid calling for help somewhere down below where he can't get through the ruins. Place is already getting to him. He'll take that topic change now.]

A scarf...hey, yeah! Good one, kid.

@zd; text

[swatsflies]

WHOA.
1. WAY TOO MUCH INFO. There are kids here.
2. Neither. Both of those can irritate sensitive skin.
3. Not really the place to be thinking about that stuff, man. Seriously???

[notaquaman]

Okay. Your first point: maybe if kids had better education about this kind of thing they wouldn't grow up with complexes. It's not like I'm whipping it out on camera, for Christ's sake! I'm not some pervert pedophile.

[Shaking his head. Honestly. The implications that weren't even there!]

Your second point: actually a useful answer, congratulations! You get a gold star. But I think you missed the part about the aloe vera.

[But he is definitely side-eyeing it. Did he forget what aloe vera actually does? Very likely. He's not his mother.]

And thirdly: it's never not the place to be thinking about it! Or have you been here so long your balls have frozen off and you don't have the urge anymore?

[swatsflies]

You're the one asking questions on what to use. Don't think you're the best source for information.

Isn't that for treating burns and softening skin, not preventing them?

Not answering that. It's none of your business.

[He really doesn't want another Dr. Grinch Hotstud incident.]

@CaptSteveRogers; audio; no Steve don't feed the troll—aww, dammit

[starsandtights]

[Hey, his hoarseness is improving! Which is good, because squeakiness would remove some of the effect of his Most Disapproving Captainy Voice.]

Really? ...There are kids here.

[notaquaman]

[Well now he feels really bad. Can you feel the eyeroll, Steve?]

Are you censoring me, Cap? I thought you Americans were all about freedom of speech.

[starsandtights]

I'm not censoring you, I was trying to appeal to your better nature. ...My mistake.

@Summoner | Video

[ninjainviolet]

[ Have a clueless ninja on your screen. ]

Why do you need lubricant? Have you found something that needs fixed? If so, gel, since soap likes to dry out.

[ So, totally missed the "cleanliness is next to godliness" meaning. ]

As for baby clothes... How many do you have? And what size?

[ She has a few ideas. ]

[notaquaman]

[Fixed?]

In a manner of speaking, yeah.

[It's true, kind of.]

Just a onesie. Small, think infant.

[ninjainviolet]

Is lubricant the only thing you need? Do you need anything else to get it working?

[ She's such an innocent at times... ]

An infant? Sound like it might be big enough to cut in half and put over your feet, or even your hands.

Audio, @Griever

[canyouhandlethismany]

Neither. And considering how energy consuming certain kind of activities are they should probably avoided.

Anyway, of the two options, soap is the worst one.

[notaquaman]

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

[Hey at least he's trying to find something to keep from chafing. That's a step in the right direction. Er, well, the right-but-mostly-inappropriate direction.]

Maybe if you people spent more energy chilling the fuck out [hahahaha] you wouldn't be so strung out.

[Seriously. He's not saying everyone should get lazy and stop looking for a way out, but at least try to minimize stress by doing yourself a few favors here and there.]

[canyouhandlethismany]

While I agree on doing what you have to when it's necessary I'd hardly consider sexual urges a priority, especially when we have to save our body warmth.

[Here he always keeps his clothes on, man, unless he really really has to because... you know, everyone here is still drinking and eating. At least he doesn't seem too shocked or disturbed about the current topic]

I will eventually consider it when I return home.

[Man, he preferes to keep his clothes on, being warm is better than having... fun with yourself.]

audio; @fullmetal

[forfeits]

Depends on what you're trying to use the lubricant on. Soap will dry and flake off, but gels are more likely to stay sticky, leave a more semi-permanent residue. I know I have some petroleum jelly, and a few others in my group have some stuff, too, if you need it.

[notaquaman]

I'm feeling the gel. Seems to be the general vote.

[And, hey, someone else just suggested petroleum jelly! What a coincidence!]

Yeah, I'll take some of that. Don't have much shit to trade with yet, though. What should I keep an eye out for?

[Say what you will about Nathan, but he only steals from unsuspecting vending machines and unoccupied buildings. You know, places where he can get away with it. He's not going to expect a free ride. Nothing's ever free. That's what he learned when he stole that pick 'n mix and ended up in that community center hellhole to begin with. You live, you learn. Sometimes.]

[forfeits]

It's okay, you keep what you find first. Start building up a stash of supplies, it'll help in the long run.

[ he can't take supplies from anyone else, especially since Nathan is so new, he just wants to help more than anything. he needs the petroleum jelly, too, but he can go without, or ration what he has between them. team work! ]

Well, unless you find something for like... musical instruments? I have a friend who is looking for guitar strings. Not that we'll find them here, but.

@dissect; text

[circumsutus]

I would suggest bartering for petroleum jelly.

[notaquaman]

That's the stuff you squirt on pregnant ladies right?

[It sounds perfect.]

You can find that shit here? Sign me up! Thanks for lookin' out, man.

[At least some people here are reasonable and not totally impolite!]

[circumsutus]

Someone might even have real personal lubricant, if you ask nicely.

audio ; @lovesya | late, but if that's ok-!

[victorytothesexy]

Gel.

[Short and to the point as the reply may be (for once), it's delivered with all the compassion and certainty of a man with way too much experience in experimentation gone horribly wrong.]

Soap hurts.

[He's looking out for you, friend.

Of course, depending on the gel, it might still hurt. But sometimes you gotta pick your poison, and he definitely considers this one of those times.]

absolutely fine! C:

[notaquaman]

Are you speaking from experience?

[Nathan sounds one part amused, one part mocking, and the rest of the parts all excited.]

Trial and error really does pay off. You make the errors, and I get the payoff! [He laughs, totally enamored of himself. He's such a funny, funny person.] Thanks man, glad to know what really does and doesn't work. Sorry for the soap burns.

Great!

[victorytothesexy]

[Well, well, hadn't he found (another) witty kid. Man, youth these days, huh? Totally no respect for their elders! Ah, he's just way too nice, helping this kid out here.]

Well, you know, you gotta take the bad with the good. Would do some good for you to get some actual experience too, kiddo. Doing it is better than hearing about it. Promise.

[He'd offer a totally genuinely friendly smile to go with that piece of advice, if he wasn't using audio.]

And hey, thanks for the concern, but it wasn't the soap itself that hurt.

[... As much as it was the lady he was with at the time beating the living crap outta him for having suggested soap in the first place. But. Details.]