[network] @captaininvincible; public survey; Evening 64 [open] [language warning]

[notaquaman]

AUDIO

[This post appears on the network with no preamble and no context. Well, the context isn't terribly hard to figure out, especially for anyone who's already dealt with Nathan since his arrival two mornings past. Seems like this guy just really likes to find reasons to listen to himself talk.]

What would you consider better to use as a lubricant:

A: Soap
or
B: Gel

I'm leaning toward the gel on account of its soothing aloe vera ingredients. But they do say that cleanliness and close to godliness, so one can't rule out the soap. Thoughts? Opinions? I'm asking for a friend.

[A hesitation, and then he decides to ask another question.]

While we're at it, any MacGyver enthusiasts out there with suggestions for the best way to turn baby clothes into something actually useful to keep warm with? I was thinking some sort of cap, but this really isn't cutting it.

Comments

@JPHawkins, audio

[rattlingthestars]

Lubricant for w-

[ WAIT NO he's not talking about machine oil ABORT ABORT ABORT. ]

- Wait, nevermind. How big are the baby clothes?

[notaquaman]

[It's a good thing for both of them this is audio, because Nathan has the stupidest smile on his face. Oh, Jim, you've opened the can of worms.]

Why? Are you embarrassed? It's all a part of nature. Us humans have urges just like the rest of the animal kingdom, you know.

[But, yes, the actual important question. You know, if you could actually compare the two of them.]

Not very. Right about newborn size, I'd say. Maybe...eeeeeeeh I'd say about the size of a three to five month old.

[Dear God, maybe he'll need to use that soap to scrub his brain clean. He doesn't want to know even that much about babies. They're so...fragile. If the time he stole that baby was the last time he ever held one, it would be too soon.]

[rattlingthestars]

It's got to be fifty below out there. You're going to freeze it off.

[ Why yes, Jim is embarrassed, and sounds it judging by the slight squeak in his voice. Moving on, Nathan. ]

Tie the arms together and make a scarf, maybe. I found a sewing kit in one of the houses but it'd take forever to make a hat.

[notaquaman]

Well I'm not going to take a big wank outside, Jesus! What do you take me for? An amateur at masturbation?

[Oh, no. That baby does get quite the workout. But...speaking of babies. Knocking one out right next to a baby's crib really does make for a fantastic mood killer. Especially considering he keeps swearing he hears some kid calling for help somewhere down below where he can't get through the ruins. Place is already getting to him. He'll take that topic change now.]

A scarf...hey, yeah! Good one, kid.

@zd; text

[swatsflies]

WHOA.
1. WAY TOO MUCH INFO. There are kids here.
2. Neither. Both of those can irritate sensitive skin.
3. Not really the place to be thinking about that stuff, man. Seriously???

@CaptSteveRogers; audio; no Steve don't feed the troll—aww, dammit

[starsandtights]

[Hey, his hoarseness is improving! Which is good, because squeakiness would remove some of the effect of his Most Disapproving Captainy Voice.]

Really? ...There are kids here.

[rattlingthestars]

It's Jim. You don't exactly sound that much older than I am. [ Either in voice or maturity level, tbh. Jim's just not sure why anyone would want to be taking off their pants, even inside one of these houses. Bathing is bad enough. ]

[notaquaman]

Okay. Your first point: maybe if kids had better education about this kind of thing they wouldn't grow up with complexes. It's not like I'm whipping it out on camera, for Christ's sake! I'm not some pervert pedophile.

[Shaking his head. Honestly. The implications that weren't even there!]

Your second point: actually a useful answer, congratulations! You get a gold star. But I think you missed the part about the aloe vera.

[But he is definitely side-eyeing it. Did he forget what aloe vera actually does? Very likely. He's not his mother.]

And thirdly: it's never not the place to be thinking about it! Or have you been here so long your balls have frozen off and you don't have the urge anymore?

[notaquaman]

[Well now he feels really bad. Can you feel the eyeroll, Steve?]

Are you censoring me, Cap? I thought you Americans were all about freedom of speech.

[notaquaman]

Maybe not, but it doesn't exactly sound like you're embracing your manhood.

[Take that as literally as you'd like, Jim.]

[swatsflies]

You're the one asking questions on what to use. Don't think you're the best source for information.

Isn't that for treating burns and softening skin, not preventing them?

Not answering that. It's none of your business.

[He really doesn't want another Dr. Grinch Hotstud incident.]

[starsandtights]

I'm not censoring you, I was trying to appeal to your better nature. ...My mistake.

[rattlingthestars]

Why are you worried about my manhood.

[notaquaman]

I'm not worried, you should be worried! Blue balls are a real problem! Ask a doctor, they can tell you!

[notaquaman]

Wait a minute--just hold up one minute!

[Nathan's hurt, really! There is an arrow in his heart and Steve put it there. Is it because he made a jab at your home turf? Is that what this is about?]

Who're you to say what kind of nature I have? Hey, I may be a smartass but I'm not a psychopath! Consider this: any kid pops in to hear this, they know to take me as an example for what not to do until they're older, or whatever.

[See, he's helping!]

[notaquaman]

Well by that logic if it softens the skin it shouldn't irritate it, too, yeah?

[Ahahaha he's totally got your number there, wise guy. Try countering THAT brilliant comeback.]

Alright, I won't force the truth out of you. I'll just make assumptions. About the truth.

[swatsflies]

If your friend wants to risk it then whatever, man.
Why would you even want to make assumptions about that?

[notaquaman]

[What friend? Oh, right, yeah, the fake one. He almost forgot. Nice save.]

Thanks, man. I'll pass on your pearls of wisdom.

[Nathan shrugs, totally forgetting for a second that he doesn't have the video feed on. He's never been much of an Internet person. Always preferred the face-to-face. Except in instances where someone wants to cause him bodily harm, but you know.]

No real reason. Just potential rumor spreading later.

[swatsflies]

Frickin hell. You'd get along great with Dr. Grinch Hotstud.
Also lay off of Jim.

[notaquaman]

Jesus, can nobody take a joke around here? The cold freeze everyone's sense of humor, too?

[No, admin, you can't take his sense of humor away from him! He's too young and too beautiful and too funny no matter what anyone says!]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Number of doctors in Snowhell that Jim would go to with sensitive questions: 0. Actually, expand that number to include number of doctors in the universe, because no. ]

...I don't think that's true.

[notaquaman]

Are you sure? Because you know, if you're not sure and you're wrong you could lose them for good.

[A real positive attitude is exactly what they all need right now.]

[swatsflies]

[Yes, admin, take it away with the drugs. Or give him back the drugs if he's better that way?]

There's a difference between joking and sexual harassment.
How old are you anyways?

text; @JPHawkins /threadjacks gently into the night

[rattlingthestars]

Whoa, hey, nobody's harassing me. I can take care of myself, anyway.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim is kind of abruptly aware that he's talking about this in a room full of people.

Yes, he certainly is. ]

-I guess that's up to you if you want to freeze, buddy. Good luck with that.

[ Just going to bury himself in couch cushions now. ]