snowblindrpg | [log] It's a Wednesday night, there sure is gonna be a fight! [closed to Bucky and John]

Entry tags:

[log] It's a Wednesday night, there sure is gonna be a fight! [closed to Bucky and John]

Characters: Peter Quill, Bucky Barnes, and John Watson
Location: Building 53
Date: Day 277
Summary: One night only, LIVE from Norfinbury, Peter "Star-Lord" Quill versus John "What is my life even" Watson! Bucky Barnes starring as referee! You may have bought your whole seat but you're only gonna need THE EDGE.
Warnings: Potential for violence, references to character death, further applicable warnings will be noted if they come up

53: The walls of this single-story house are quite intact, although it seems pretty empty inside. There is a fireplace, but it doesn't seem to have been a wood-burning fireplace, and whatever mechanisms were used to work it have been removed, leaving only holes where devices might have once been. The kitchen and living room are entirely empty, but the bathroom is functional. There is one bedroom with a mattress on a bedframe, but it lacks bedding or even a pillow. "ALPHONSE ELRIC, MAMI TOMOE, FREYA CRESCENT, GREED, EDWARD ELRIC, STEPHANIE BROWN, DAY FORTY TWO, TRAVELLING NORTH." has been carved into one of the walls.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

['Hot-headed,' Sholto says, nodding to Peter. 'We saw a lot of men like him at the start, Watson.'

A lot of them left looking like they'd aged several years in the course of a six-month deployment. Some of them left in flag-draped coffins.]

Where d'you want to do this? Is here all right?

[If and when Bucky turns around, he might be more likely to notice that John is distracted, glancing to the side and cocking his head slightly, as if listening to something. It's subtle, but it's there.]

[Having got his agreement, he releases his hold on Peter and steps back a pace, though he's ready to intervene again if either man decide that they want to go for it anyway.]

Sit down.

[Which means that yes, here is fine.

He hesitates a second, this is where he struggles more. He's not a natural peacekeeper any more, manages to put his foot in it more often than not when engaging in social or emotional situations, and doesn't trust Peter at all. But it's with Peter he decides to start, as John is the much more complex issue from his point of view.]

Who are you gonna beat on after you're done with John?

Fine!

[Peter immediately sits cross-legged on the floor, being stubborn and defiant for the sake of it.]

No one. Unless they go around killing kids, I mean.

I talked to Quark...he's still terrified. He watched Luna die. He shouldn't have to be...and it's all cause'a him!

[He points at John angrily.]

[John sits down where he is, as well, after removing his pack. It's not like there's any furniture in here. Peter's words are an echo of Magenta and they're a stab to the doctor's gut. He opens his mouth to start to apologize.

Sholto cuts him off, 'Let Barnes handle it for now, Watson. Quill won't care what you have to say.'

Probably true. John's the monster that Peter's here to slay. There's not much defense he can offer that won't exacerbate the situation. He nods slightly to the Major and just remains quiet to let Bucky speak.]

[He notices the way John keeps glancing off to one side subtly, it's definitely not a good sign, but he'll just have to add it to the ever-growing list of things that need addressing and it'll have to wait its turn.

His attention is for Peter right now.

He doesn't sit himself, because he knows it gives him more of a perceived position of power to be stood while the others are sat. His voice is level rather than angry.]

Yeah, I bet he is. Anyone would be scared of someone that hurt them like that, but did he tell you that he supported you going off and taking revenge on his behalf? And you're not going for any of the folks who were torturing people not so long since, children involved there too? It's just this specific mind control you have an issue with, is it?

[A scowl. Of course Quark didn't, but he side-stepped that for now.]

Yeah, I heard this argument before. The torture was sick and awful. I get it. But they didn't kill anybody. They didn't kill any kids, there was still hope, however small. With Quark dead? A kid who's like, traumatized now, he might not have come back. He could have been dead for good. And for what!? John should have fought it! I know everyone's like, it's impossible to fight it. There's always a way to fight these things, you can't just--he probably hates them secretly, I don't know. Or he just let it happen. You can't just let it happen!

[Peter shoots him a look.]

Nobody lets it happen.

[This is something he's struggled with for a long time, the feeling that he should have fought harder, found something inside himself to rebel.]

Nobody wants to be turned into a tool for someone else's rage or someone else's ideals, but it happens. It can happen to anyone, it doesn't matter how strong you think you are. Next time it could be you, maybe it's already been you and you just got lucky that you didn't kill anyone, but it doesn't mean that you won't. Don't take your fear of not being strong enough and use it as an excuse for revenge.

[Peter scowls and looks away for a second--it had been him, sort of. His dad used him as a tool to hurt people.]

I broke free. Before.

There's no way this place is more powerful than the dude who had me. There's gotta be a way to fight it!

[Peter didn't mean it as an admission of arrogance, he didn't think he was any better than anyone else--he knew he was an idiot, but if he, an idiot, could bust free of a Celestial, then surely it was possible here too!

It had to be. Because he couldn't accept the alternative.]

There is.

[He glares down at Peter as if the man is an errant child that's been caught up a tree and is now blaming the tree for the stains on his clothes.]

It's by supporting everyone who's been hurt by these things, and not turning on each other like animals. I'm sorry about what happened to Quark and Luna, and all the other people who have been killed or hurt here, but it's whatever is behind the town that deserves the payment for all that hurt. You might get caught in it one day and not be able to break free, you want everyone else to look at you and say that you didn't fight hard enough?

[He doesn't usually speak all this much in one go, even now, but this is kind of a personal issue for him.]

Quark's traumatised, Luna probably will be if she comes back, but you're forgetting that so's John. He has to live with the memory of watching his body hurt people, he'll always see that blood on his hands. You really want to add to that because you're so arrogant to think that you, and only you, are strong enough to break free? Because if you're gonna blame John, then you need to blame everyone else too, I don't doubt that over half this place have hurt or even killed someone they didn't want to, this case isn't unique.

I know--I mean, I understand that this place does that to people. I get it! I really do! But--

--there's gotta be something he could have done, man. [He sounds more upset than angry now.] Quark...he's just a kid, no kid deserves to see what it's like to watch someone die!

To have the light go out of their eyes!

[His voice breaks. He's yelling now. I had to watch her die. His mom. He had to watch Yondu die. His dad disintegrated in his arms.]

He's going to see that over and over again! He's going to see John's face when he's afraid! He's gonna remember what it's like to die! This isn't okay--this isn't--

If you understand, then you know there wasn't. It's not okay, none of this is okay, but that's how it is.

[He can see that Peter's just bluster now, just pain and fear and some issues that he has no idea about. But it's whether he's a big enough man to admit it and back down, or if he's still going to fight this.]

If you get it, like you say you do, and you still want to beat up a guy forced to do that, then go right ahead. I hope you feel that you've avenged Quark and helped that kid when you do.

[He tilts his face towards John again, expression still schooled in neutrality.]

And you. If you stand there and let him hit you because you think you deserve it, you better be prepared to punch me right after for all the people I've hurt because it's the same damn thing.

Edited 2017-08-30 22:55 (UTC)

I don't...

[He chews on his lip, looking away.]

He killed a kid, man. A kid who trusted him.

[The (possibly) trillions of kids that Ego killed. Who were probably super excited to meet their dad. Only to find out he was disappointed in them and then he just killed them.

He didn't even care. Just like John looked so blank and whatever. He scowls and turns to John.]

Did he even matter to you!? Huh!?

He was my patient and someone I've watched out for for months. Luna was my friend. [It's delivered in a monotone, John's expression unchanging.

John turns his attention back to Bucky.]

This isn't about what I think, Bucky. He's in pain. If hurting me will take some of that away, I'd like to let him. He can also let people know he's done what he needed to, balanced the scales a little bit. Probably fewer people will want to hurt me after that.

[One of the benefits of having no affect or tone is that it's easier to lie. Or at least be somewhat disingenuous. Those things are true, but mostly John just wants to be hurt and see if it will fix something, let him control his body again instead of still feeling like he's following half a step behind it. He'd do it, himself, if he could, but he can't right now.

'He'll see through that,' Sholto points out. John glances over at him, but doesn't reply. He's stood next to Bucky at attention.

John will just have to hope that his friend won't see through it.]

[Bucky raises an eyebrow at John that says he thinks every word of that is total crap, and he's not being taken in by it for a second.]

Sure, that'll make fewer people want to hurt you, because I saw from the obituary that they were just lining up and nobody was telling him not to.

[Idiot.]

You're doing this because you feel like you should be punished, and you-- you're doing it because you're scared. Grow up. We're all scared of losing ourselves here, we've all done things we should be punished for, but this isn't the way to handle it.

[He can't fold his arms, still only having one, but his posture still conveys how exasperated he is.]

You have my terms. Peter, you can hit him if you can look him in the eye and still blame him for being controlled. John, you can invite him to hit you if you punish me equally for those same crimes.

[Peter rubs his hands across his face, and paces a couple of steps, clearly still upset, clearly torn. He paces over to John, hands behind his head, working off some of the steam.

Peter, you can hit him if you can look him in the eye and still blame him for being controlled.

He's in pain. If hurting me will take some of that away, I'd like to let him. He can also let people know he's done what he needed to, balanced the scales a little bit. Probably fewer people will want to hurt me after that.

No one ever really cared if he was in pain, besides his friends, besides the Guardians. Peter's gone a long time without friends, really. The Ravagers weren't really 'friend' types and Yondu, as much as he realized what Yondu's done for him and been to him, was pretty much made of tough love and refused to coddle him.

Maybe that's why he himself cared how bad Quark had it. Reminded him of himself when he was a kid.

Peter looks at his fist, remembering the whopper of a black eye he'd gotten from being bullied he day his mom died.

He was being a bully too, wasn't he?

John didn't seem like he wanted any part of it at all. The lack of affect...maybe he was extremely traumatized too. Peter knew he himself would be a wreck either way, but it wasn't uncommon, seeing people shut down after bad things. If he hurt John, and John truly hated himself for this...

...but that meant accepting it was possible for anyone here to succumb to something this awful.]

Damn it.

[Peter opened his fists and offered a hand to John, instead.]

[In the moment, John honestly dislikes Bucky and the fact that he's done this. He wants to scream at him.

'What he did was right, Watson. You'd have done the same for him,' Major Sholto says.

He's not wrong, but that makes it all the more aggravating. John just flicks a glance at Sholto before rising from where he's sat and taking Peter's hand. He shakes it twice mechanically.]

I wish you'd just hit me.

I'm sorry.

[He can't quite believe that worked, he's not exactly a natural negotiator and he was expecting to have to end this by throwing a few punches of his own. He still might, because John is really irritating him right now, much more than Peter who gets a slight approving look for being able to face up to the truth and back down.]

You're a hypocrite, John.

[It's disappointing.]

[Peter lets go after the handshake, still a whirl of emotions, still not sure what exactly to think, or say or do.]

No, man. It's...

He's right.

[He glances over to Bucky, but doesn't meet his gaze.]

I'm pissed, yeah, and you're a convenient target. But if it wasn't you, if it really wasn't you, and you really do care about Quark and Luna, I can't. I can't do it, man.

[He bites his lip a second.]

Besides, what if I didn't break out of it when my dad had me? They're right, I'm being an idiot. It could have been me.

[He rubs his face, his eyes wide, swallowing. Could have been him back then, when Ego had him. Could have been him that night, here, when they were walking around mindlessly. Peter knew he himself was a hypocrite. But he manages to pull himself together, and shakes his head at Bucky.]

I'm a hypocrite too, man. But hey, if you need to feel something, John, I could still punch you. Clinically and without an ounce of anger? [That's a lame attempt at a joke. But hey, if John did want him to...]

No, thank you. [That's the correct answer. It's no longer giving Peter anything. That makes it harder to justify to himself, even if he does rather desperately want it.

He glances over at Major Sholto, but the man still has his back to John. How the hell can his own hallucination be giving him the cold shoulder? It hurts more than he expected. James is placed on a very high pedestal in his mind. He wants to ask him to please understand, but that's not exactly a conversation he can have with Peter and Bucky in the room.]

Peter, can you give us a moment?

[He nods his head in Sholto's direction before actually pointing to Bucky.]

[Peter is going up in Bucky's estimation the more time goes on. Not a lot of people will not only back down, but frankly admit why they had been mistaken to begin with, and that's definitely worthy of admiration. Though he does get a distinctly unimpressed look when he offers to punch John anyway.

He doesn't bother to interject verbally at this point, it's between the two of them, though John apparently wants to discuss this more privately with him. He just offers a shrug to say that he can go or stay, up to him.]

Yeah, of course.

[Peter nods to both John and Bucky, gathers up his pack and goes to the bedroom, dumping it on the mattress. He takes out his Zune, sitting cross-legged on the bed.

He's not done being upset, of course, he's quite badly coming to terms with the fact that John wasn't to blame and that anyone cold have killed an innocent kid. He rubs his unshaven chin and finds a loud, sad song to listen to.]

[John watches Peter go until the door has closed on him. He turns his attention back to Bucky, knowing this is going to be a fight.]

I wanted him to hurt me. It's not only for the reasons you think, though.

[Bucky's stance is not quite military, but it's very straight-backed and disapproving all the same.]

Then enlighten me.

[John glances over at Sholto. The man has finally turned back and inclines his head slightly, urging John to go on.]

I can't emote. I told you that. I'm having trouble grounding myself because of it. [He'd clear his throat here, but even that small gesture of uncertainty is lost to him at the moment.] I feel like I'm half out of my body and seeing things that aren't there. I thought pain might help do something. I can't hurt myself right now, though.

['Hurting yourself won't help MN Poisoning, Watson,' Sholto says, lips drawing to a thin line of displeasure. 'It's punishment, and that's all it will be.']

Edited 2017-09-03 14:42 (UTC)

[He gets it, he does. There were moments in the beginning, when the blankness was so much a part of him, that feeling anything was a step forwards. But even he had known that pain wasn't the answer there.]

It won't.

[He shakes his head, half concerned and half annoyed.]

It's just pain, physical, that's it. It won't make you feel anything but the physical, it's not a substitute for real emotion, and it's not the right way to go. You wanted to be punished, I get that, but it's not right.

no subject

no subject

no subject

You guys can skip me for a couple of rounds unless one of them is addressing John directly.

Righto

Gotcha!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: thoughts of self-harm

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Pls skip over me unless you need him again! :D

no subject

no subject

cw: mention of self-harm

cw: mention of self-harm