Peter Quill (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zunesareawesome) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2017-08-29 11:32 pm
zunesareawesome) wrote in snowblindrpg2017-08-29 11:32 pm
Entry tags:
[log] It's a Wednesday night, there sure is gonna be a fight! [closed to Bucky and John]
Characters: Peter Quill, Bucky Barnes, and John Watson
Location: Building 53
Date: Day 277
Summary: One night only, LIVE from Norfinbury, Peter "Star-Lord" Quill versus John "What is my life even" Watson! Bucky Barnes starring as referee! You may have bought your whole seat but you're only gonna need THE EDGE.
Warnings: Potential for violence, references to character death, further applicable warnings will be noted if they come up
53: The walls of this single-story house are quite intact, although it seems pretty empty inside. There is a fireplace, but it doesn't seem to have been a wood-burning fireplace, and whatever mechanisms were used to work it have been removed, leaving only holes where devices might have once been. The kitchen and living room are entirely empty, but the bathroom is functional. There is one bedroom with a mattress on a bedframe, but it lacks bedding or even a pillow. "ALPHONSE ELRIC, MAMI TOMOE, FREYA CRESCENT, GREED, EDWARD ELRIC, STEPHANIE BROWN, DAY FORTY TWO, TRAVELLING NORTH." has been carved into one of the walls.
Location: Building 53
Date: Day 277
Summary: One night only, LIVE from Norfinbury, Peter "Star-Lord" Quill versus John "What is my life even" Watson! Bucky Barnes starring as referee! You may have bought your whole seat but you're only gonna need THE EDGE.
Warnings: Potential for violence, references to character death, further applicable warnings will be noted if they come up
53: The walls of this single-story house are quite intact, although it seems pretty empty inside. There is a fireplace, but it doesn't seem to have been a wood-burning fireplace, and whatever mechanisms were used to work it have been removed, leaving only holes where devices might have once been. The kitchen and living room are entirely empty, but the bathroom is functional. There is one bedroom with a mattress on a bedframe, but it lacks bedding or even a pillow. "ALPHONSE ELRIC, MAMI TOMOE, FREYA CRESCENT, GREED, EDWARD ELRIC, STEPHANIE BROWN, DAY FORTY TWO, TRAVELLING NORTH." has been carved into one of the walls.
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[This is something he's struggled with for a long time, the feeling that he should have fought harder, found something inside himself to rebel.]
Nobody wants to be turned into a tool for someone else's rage or someone else's ideals, but it happens. It can happen to anyone, it doesn't matter how strong you think you are. Next time it could be you, maybe it's already been you and you just got lucky that you didn't kill anyone, but it doesn't mean that you won't. Don't take your fear of not being strong enough and use it as an excuse for revenge.
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I broke free. Before.
There's no way this place is more powerful than the dude who had me. There's gotta be a way to fight it!
[Peter didn't mean it as an admission of arrogance, he didn't think he was any better than anyone else--he knew he was an idiot, but if he, an idiot, could bust free of a Celestial, then surely it was possible here too!
It had to be. Because he couldn't accept the alternative.]
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[He glares down at Peter as if the man is an errant child that's been caught up a tree and is now blaming the tree for the stains on his clothes.]
It's by supporting everyone who's been hurt by these things, and not turning on each other like animals. I'm sorry about what happened to Quark and Luna, and all the other people who have been killed or hurt here, but it's whatever is behind the town that deserves the payment for all that hurt. You might get caught in it one day and not be able to break free, you want everyone else to look at you and say that you didn't fight hard enough?
[He doesn't usually speak all this much in one go, even now, but this is kind of a personal issue for him.]
Quark's traumatised, Luna probably will be if she comes back, but you're forgetting that so's John. He has to live with the memory of watching his body hurt people, he'll always see that blood on his hands. You really want to add to that because you're so arrogant to think that you, and only you, are strong enough to break free? Because if you're gonna blame John, then you need to blame everyone else too, I don't doubt that over half this place have hurt or even killed someone they didn't want to, this case isn't unique.
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--there's gotta be something he could have done, man. [He sounds more upset than angry now.] Quark...he's just a kid, no kid deserves to see what it's like to watch someone die!
To have the light go out of their eyes!
[His voice breaks. He's yelling now. I had to watch her die. His mom. He had to watch Yondu die. His dad disintegrated in his arms.]
He's going to see that over and over again! He's going to see John's face when he's afraid! He's gonna remember what it's like to die! This isn't okay--this isn't--
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[He can see that Peter's just bluster now, just pain and fear and some issues that he has no idea about. But it's whether he's a big enough man to admit it and back down, or if he's still going to fight this.]
If you get it, like you say you do, and you still want to beat up a guy forced to do that, then go right ahead. I hope you feel that you've avenged Quark and helped that kid when you do.
[He tilts his face towards John again, expression still schooled in neutrality.]
And you. If you stand there and let him hit you because you think you deserve it, you better be prepared to punch me right after for all the people I've hurt because it's the same damn thing.
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[He chews on his lip, looking away.]
He killed a kid, man. A kid who trusted him.
[The (possibly) trillions of kids that Ego killed. Who were probably super excited to meet their dad. Only to find out he was disappointed in them and then he just killed them.
He didn't even care. Just like John looked so blank and whatever. He scowls and turns to John.]
Did he even matter to you!? Huh!?
cw: thoughts of self-harm
John turns his attention back to Bucky.]
This isn't about what I think, Bucky. He's in pain. If hurting me will take some of that away, I'd like to let him. He can also let people know he's done what he needed to, balanced the scales a little bit. Probably fewer people will want to hurt me after that.
[One of the benefits of having no affect or tone is that it's easier to lie. Or at least be somewhat disingenuous. Those things are true, but mostly John just wants to be hurt and see if it will fix something, let him control his body again instead of still feeling like he's following half a step behind it. He'd do it, himself, if he could, but he can't right now.
'He'll see through that,' Sholto points out. John glances over at him, but doesn't reply. He's stood next to Bucky at attention.
John will just have to hope that his friend won't see through it.]
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Sure, that'll make fewer people want to hurt you, because I saw from the obituary that they were just lining up and nobody was telling him not to.
[Idiot.]
You're doing this because you feel like you should be punished, and you-- you're doing it because you're scared. Grow up. We're all scared of losing ourselves here, we've all done things we should be punished for, but this isn't the way to handle it.
[He can't fold his arms, still only having one, but his posture still conveys how exasperated he is.]
You have my terms. Peter, you can hit him if you can look him in the eye and still blame him for being controlled. John, you can invite him to hit you if you punish me equally for those same crimes.
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Peter, you can hit him if you can look him in the eye and still blame him for being controlled.
He's in pain. If hurting me will take some of that away, I'd like to let him. He can also let people know he's done what he needed to, balanced the scales a little bit. Probably fewer people will want to hurt me after that.
No one ever really cared if he was in pain, besides his friends, besides the Guardians. Peter's gone a long time without friends, really. The Ravagers weren't really 'friend' types and Yondu, as much as he realized what Yondu's done for him and been to him, was pretty much made of tough love and refused to coddle him.
Maybe that's why he himself cared how bad Quark had it. Reminded him of himself when he was a kid.
Peter looks at his fist, remembering the whopper of a black eye he'd gotten from being bullied he day his mom died.
He was being a bully too, wasn't he?
John didn't seem like he wanted any part of it at all. The lack of affect...maybe he was extremely traumatized too. Peter knew he himself would be a wreck either way, but it wasn't uncommon, seeing people shut down after bad things. If he hurt John, and John truly hated himself for this...
...but that meant accepting it was possible for anyone here to succumb to something this awful.]
Damn it.
[Peter opened his fists and offered a hand to John, instead.]
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'What he did was right, Watson. You'd have done the same for him,' Major Sholto says.
He's not wrong, but that makes it all the more aggravating. John just flicks a glance at Sholto before rising from where he's sat and taking Peter's hand. He shakes it twice mechanically.]
I wish you'd just hit me.
I'm sorry.
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You're a hypocrite, John.
[It's disappointing.]
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No, man. It's...
He's right.
[He glances over to Bucky, but doesn't meet his gaze.]
I'm pissed, yeah, and you're a convenient target. But if it wasn't you, if it really wasn't you, and you really do care about Quark and Luna, I can't. I can't do it, man.
[He bites his lip a second.]
Besides, what if I didn't break out of it when my dad had me? They're right, I'm being an idiot. It could have been me.
[He rubs his face, his eyes wide, swallowing. Could have been him back then, when Ego had him. Could have been him that night, here, when they were walking around mindlessly. Peter knew he himself was a hypocrite. But he manages to pull himself together, and shakes his head at Bucky.]
I'm a hypocrite too, man. But hey, if you need to feel something, John, I could still punch you. Clinically and without an ounce of anger? [That's a lame attempt at a joke. But hey, if John did want him to...]
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He glances over at Major Sholto, but the man still has his back to John. How the hell can his own hallucination be giving him the cold shoulder? It hurts more than he expected. James is placed on a very high pedestal in his mind. He wants to ask him to please understand, but that's not exactly a conversation he can have with Peter and Bucky in the room.]
Peter, can you give us a moment?
[He nods his head in Sholto's direction before actually pointing to Bucky.]
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He doesn't bother to interject verbally at this point, it's between the two of them, though John apparently wants to discuss this more privately with him. He just offers a shrug to say that he can go or stay, up to him.]
Pls skip over me unless you need him again! :D
[Peter nods to both John and Bucky, gathers up his pack and goes to the bedroom, dumping it on the mattress. He takes out his Zune, sitting cross-legged on the bed.
He's not done being upset, of course, he's quite badly coming to terms with the fact that John wasn't to blame and that anyone cold have killed an innocent kid. He rubs his unshaven chin and finds a loud, sad song to listen to.]
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I wanted him to hurt me. It's not only for the reasons you think, though.
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Then enlighten me.
cw: mention of self-harm
I can't emote. I told you that. I'm having trouble grounding myself because of it. [He'd clear his throat here, but even that small gesture of uncertainty is lost to him at the moment.] I feel like I'm half out of my body and seeing things that aren't there. I thought pain might help do something. I can't hurt myself right now, though.
['Hurting yourself won't help MN Poisoning, Watson,' Sholto says, lips drawing to a thin line of displeasure. 'It's punishment, and that's all it will be.']
cw: mention of self-harm
It won't.
[He shakes his head, half concerned and half annoyed.]
It's just pain, physical, that's it. It won't make you feel anything but the physical, it's not a substitute for real emotion, and it's not the right way to go. You wanted to be punished, I get that, but it's not right.
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[That would be more of a frustrated shout if it could be. It's just delivered in the same monotone as everything else.]
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[At least it's honest.]
I've been looking for it for two years now, and all I know is that it's not that way. All that does is hurt you and the person hurting you. I think for you, the right way is just to wait-- this is MN poisoning, a death price, it'll pass.
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That fear isn't something that's ever gone away for me, I'm sorry, I know that's not comforting. But you can do things to make yourself safer, so you don't have to stop treating the people who need you. Take someone with you who can fight back, who's there to watch you and make sure you don't hurt other people.
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[Sherlock probably could, as well, if he were determined. He'd survived against one of Mary's old assassin friends.]
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There's a brief hesitation, before he bluntly jumps right into the other thing he wants to address.]
You're hallucinating again, who or what is it?
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