snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

IF ANYONE'S DISAPPOINTED BY YOU IT'S THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT.
AND THAT GOES FOR ME TOO. LIKE IF I CAN'T RESPECT YOU AS YOUR OWN DAMN PERSON, IT'S ON ME FOR BEING SO SELF-CENTERED? YOU'RE A PERSON WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND FUCK ANYONE WHO DOESN'T TREAT YOU THAT WAY.
AND MAYBE IT IS YOUR LOSS BUT IT'LL GO AWAY EVENTUALLY. HOWEVER LONG THIS SHIT USUALLY TAKES.

some mystery number of days
im sick of it already
but see thats the problem right there
what you just said
i dont know if im my own person
am i still enough of a dave to count or has this made me somebody else
he hasnt gone through the same shit as me and hes not a bird
but im scared that means ill have to like
give up everything that made me who i was before i became a sprite
you want to talk disappointment im right there with you
because ive been feeling it for a long time

[oH MY GOD and this is what annoys him most about Davesprite. He may just be hitting the keys a little harder than necessary as he types his response.]

DO YOU HAVE TO BE THE SAME PERSON? LIKE DO YOU HAVE TO BE AN EXACT CARBON COPY OF DAVE AND YOU'LL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS BECAUSE I'M NOT SEEING HOW THE FUCK IT MATTERS HERE.
PLENTY OF DAVES HAVEN'T DONE THE SAME THINGS ALPHA DAVE HAS. MY DAVE HASN'T, OR IS HE SOMEHOW LESS OF A DAVE BECAUSE OF THAT??
OR IS BEING HALF BIRD YOUR PROBLEM HERE? BECAUSE THAT HAS OBVIOUSLY CHANGED YOUR CORE PERSONALITY SO MUCH THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY UNRECOGNIZABLE! OF COURSE A *BIRD* WOULDN'T HAVE THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOR OR RAMBLE INCOMPREHENSIBLY ABOUT WHATEVER CROSSES HIS MIND EXCEPT, OH WAIT, YOU DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT MAKES DAVE *DAVE*!
OR HAVE YOU HAD TO GIVE UP WHO YOU WERE BEFORE UP UNTIL NOW? DO YOU WANT TO? DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING THAT IN THE FUTURE?? BECAUSE I SURE AS FUCK CAN'T BUT I'VE STILL BEEN SEEING HOW YOU COME FROM THE SAME PLACE AS THE DAVE THAT I KNOW AND I DON'T GET WHY YOU CAN'T TOO.

jesus shit flipping christ vantas shut up
its because of john ok
i know you said hes a dick and yeah maybe he is
but i went through all that for him and saved his life and everything only for him to treat me like the cruddy knockoff version
and i cant stop thinking that maybe he is right
that maybe something about me is different now
because the other dave still looks like dave and isnt a depressed jackass who hurts all his friends because he cant keep his problems on the inside

HE ISN'T RIGHT. HE'S AN IDIOT.
I MEAN I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO SHAKE OFF THAT THOUGHT TOO IF HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND BUT HE ISN'T SO I CAN VIEW THIS MORE RATIONALLY THAN YOU, OK? AND TRUST ME, HE'S A DOUCHEBAG.
AS FOR DAVE, HE'S
HE'S NOT ANY BETTER AT DEALING WITH HIS SHIT THAN YOU ARE. AT LEAST I DON'T THINK HE IS.
BUT THE DAVE I KNOW HAD DIFFERENT PROBLEMS THAN YOU. LIKE HAVING A MATESPRIT WHO WASN'T HONEST WITH HIM AND ME FOR A BEST FRIEND. IF WE WERE BEST FRIENDS.
BUT I THINK IN YOUR SITUATION HE'D BE DEALING WITH THE SAME THINGS? BECAUSE JOHN MEANS A LOT TO BOTH OF YOU.
JUST TRUST ME WHEN I SAY YOU TWO WOULD BE DEALING WITH IT IN THE SAME WAY, WHICH IS TO SAY YOU WOULD BE FUCKING TERRIBLE AT IT. AND MAYBE I COULD HELP, AS PRESUMPTUOUS AS THAT SOUNDS.
HELL IT'S REALLY PRESUMPTUOUS BUT SERIOUSLY THIS ISN'T YOU BEING DIFFERENT OR WHATEVER. IT'S JUST THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU'RE IN.

[He falls quiet for a time, absorbing things.]

im sorry you lost him
or whatever you want to call it when you died and hes not here
though i dont want him to have to show up and deal with this either

[Another pause, shorter.]

i want to believe youre right about this
its just not easy you know
for what its worth i dont think youre as bad as you say you are
youre loud and abrasive and kind of a jackass but you do a lot better than you could
you actually admit youve got problems and try to help other people with theirs
which is a hell of a lot better than someone who just keeps on riding the jackass train without remorse

CLOSE ENOUGH.
AND THANKS, I GUESS? BUT LIKE YOU SAID, IT'S BETTER THAT HE ISN'T HERE. BUT THE SAME GOES FOR EVERYONE WHO ISN'T.
I GET THAT IT ISN'T EASY. YOU HAD THREE YEARS OF THAT SHIT. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, OK?
AND AS FOR THE REST, UH
I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT, TOO, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE I'M STILL AN ASSHOLE. MAYBE I'M JUST BETTER AT HIDING IT.

i probably will whether i want to or not
dwelling on this shit is my whole deal at this point

[No point denying that one, not that he can right now.]

but nah dude trust me
i wouldnt be saying this if i didnt mean it
ive dealt with some real dickholes and youre not one of them
like you piss me off sometimes but weve dealt with it you know
but i get the feeling too
like
fuck here goes the part where i cant shut up again
i feel like im an asshole too
like maybe its better people dont have to put up with me because im just going to get them hurt in the end
either directly or indirectly

"INDIRECTLY" ISN'T THE SAME THING AS "IT'S YOUR FAULT."
BECAUSE YOU AREN'T A REAL DICKHOLE EITHER. SURE MAYBE YOU CAN BE INSENSITIVE BUT SO CAN I AND I SINCERELY DOUBT YOU'RE ANY WORSE THAN I AM.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE ANYTHING WORSE. TRUST ME I'VE DEALT WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT AND YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THEM.
LIKE I KNOW YOU HAVE A THING AGAINST TEREZI BUT HAVE YOU EVER INTERACTED WITH VRISKA? OR ERIDAN. OR ANY OF THE OTHER ASSHOLES I USED TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ON A REGULAR BASIS.
SO MAYBE YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS HAVE UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY ARE: UNFORESEEN. I DON'T DOUBT FOR A SECOND THAT YOU WOULD BACK THE FUCK OFF IF YOU KNEW IN ADVANCE WHAT CHAOS YOU'D CAUSE.
AND AGAIN THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, JUST SOME OF THEM. BUT THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE.
YOU'RE NOT SOME FOCAL POINT FOR DISASTROUS OUTCOMES AND EVERYONE BEING WORSE OFF THAN THEY WERE BEFORE. ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS SBURB WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE. AND NORFINBURY, TOO. SO STOP THINKING THAT WAY, OK? YOU'RE FINE.

i can be a hell of a dick on purpose dude
the only reason im not worse than i am is because i decided to cut some of the shit when i saw someone worse than me
but i still dont think im great
i cant judge much for the other trolls either because i only talked to a few of you before the game
though you all kind of seem like dumbasses on some level
no offense
ok maybe a little offense but youre a better one
but you gotta understand im not trying to say i caused everything wrong
im not that egotistical about it
but i still hurt people
whether it was johns fault or my fault or paradox fucking spaces fault he still spent a lot of the ship ride bored and frustrated
and i wanted jade to be happy but i messed that one up big time
even when i was dead it didnt help because then she just spent three years alone
and now i feel like im never going to figure out what im supposed to do with her or how to talk to her about anything

I KNOW YOU CAN BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S YOUR FAULT? AT LEAST NOT ALL THE TIME. YOU HAVE A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON SO OF COURSE YOU LASH OUT. AND THEN I GUESS OTHER TIMES YOU'RE IMMATURE ENOUGH TO THINK IT WOULD BE FUNNY OR YOU'RE JUST BEING A MORON FOR OTHER REASONS BUT THE POINT IS YOU'RE NOT IRREDEEMABLE, OK? I STILL THINK YOU'RE ALRIGHT AS A PERSON.
AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TRYING OT DEFEND MY SPECIES BECAUSE YEAH WE CAN BE TOTAL DUMBASSES. THERE YOU GO, I ADMITTED IT.
AS FOR JADE
YOU REALLY SHOULD JUST TALK TO HER. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING JUST SITTING AROUND AND WONDERING.
AND I THINK YOU'RE OVERESTIMATING YOUR CAPACITY TO FUCK THINGS UP FURTHER. JADE'S A BIG GIRL, SHE CAN HANDLE HERSELF. AND THE FACT THAT YOU'D BE GOING INTO THE WHOLE THING WITH GOOD INTENTIONS SAYS A LOT ON ITS OWN.
SO IF YOU DO MESS UP, IT'LL BE ACCIDENTAL AND IT DOESN'T MAKE THE SITUATION UNSALVAGEABLE AT ALL. NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO INSTANTLY BE AN EXPERT AT SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. THAT TAKES PRACTICE AND BOTH JADE AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE MOST. AND THAT GOES FOR ME, TOO. PROBABLY HER, COME TO THINK OF IT.
WE'RE STILL ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS OLD, YOU KNOW? SO MESSING UP ON THE WAY IS KIND OF A GIVEN.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK. YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY.

whats a sweep

[Asking the important questions here. Maybe he can get away just sayinnnnope, no he cannot, his fingers are typing already.]

jades the one who grew up alone on an island in the middle of the ocean
i had the big city
and just because i have good intentions doesnt mean i cant fuck up because it didnt stop me then either
i need to tell her im back so whatever ill do that
its just the complicated stuff thats hard
for a lot of reasons
and im not really comfortable talking about it more than that

[ROLLING HIS DAMN EYES.]

IT'S HOW WE MEASURE TIME INSTEAD OF USING YEARS. ONE SWEEP IS SLIGHTLY MORE THAN TWO YEARS LONG. I JUST TURNED 6 WHEN THE GAME STARTED FOR US, WHICH IS 13 FOR YOU.
AND DON'T EVEN TRY SAYING GROWING UP IN THE CITY MAKES YOU ANY LESS SOCIALLY INEPT. ANYONE WHO'S HAD A SINGLE CONVERSATION WITH YOU CAN TELL YOU OTHERWISE. SURE MAYBE YOU'RE MORE EXPERIENCED THAN SHE IS BUT YOU STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO.
I WON'T ASK ABOUT THE COMPLICATED STUFF ANYWAY BUT I STAND BY WHAT I SAID. YOU STILL HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS. THAT'S SOMETHING.

i could probably do math and figure out how many sweeps i am if i felt like it but thats boring so im not going to
also im not sure if im 17 yet or not and its kind of weird not knowing

[At least dropping that detail isn't so big. He pauses here, considering the rest.]

yknow
id like to deny it
like brush it off all flippant like ive totally got this social shit down smoother than a babys ass
but youre probably right
that was kind of the whole problem
bro tried to teach me to keep my problems all under wraps and not let shit bother me but it just all built up anyway
so i broke up with jade because they kept eating at me and i couldnt be a good boyfriend
and here just when i think ive got my issues stuffed down again they leak out the sides like the filling in a hot pocket thats been microwaved too long
maybe im just emotionally incompetent and everyones been playing nice by not mentioning it until now
which is exactly the kind of stuff i didnt want to get into but there go my dumbass fingers again
this better not be my loss i dont want days more of this

Edited 2017-03-14 06:10 (UTC)

IS THERE ANY WAY OF KNOWING FOR SURE? I MEAN NOT THE AGE THING BUT THE LOSS THING. LIKE COULD YOU ASK ADMIN OR SOMETHING? WOULD ADMIN EVEN KNOW THAT, I STILL DON'T GET HOW THIS SHIT WORKS.
WE CAN PROBABLY FIND SOME WAY TO TEST IT IF YOU LIKE BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING YOU MIGHT SAY SOMETHING YOU'D LATER REGRET. SO MAYBE WE SHOULD START ELIMINATING WHAT IT ISN'T INSTEAD OF TRYING TO CONFIRM WHAT IT IS? IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, SO FAR IT SEEMS EVERYONE'S DISCUSSING THEIR FEARS MORE THAN ANYTHING WITHOUT PROMPTING. ALTHOUGH THERE ARE A LOT OF OTHER ISSUES TIED INTO THAT FOR SOME PEOPLE.
OR WE COULD JUST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW WHEN ALL THIS SHIT HAS BLOWN OVER? IF YOU'D PREFER NOT TO LET ANYTHING SLIP.

the only thing im asking the admin about is where i can find some eggs
and no i dont want to test what the loss is
not when ive been blabbing enough as it is

[..... what.]

WHY EGGS?

because i want them
cant a bird guy wants eggs for no special reason

[Just to reiterate, what.]

LIKE TO BROOD OVER THEM OR WHAT?

[He considers.]

maybe?
seppucrow stole my entry egg and did that for hours straight
where do i even find good nest materials in this hellhole

OK IS THIS SOME INEXPLICABLE SPRITE THING OR IS THIS PLACE GETTING TO YOU THAT MUCH?

i dont know dude
being half crow makes you think about stuff
i dont get on your case for your weird troll stuff that much do i

I'M JUST CONCERNED OK? AND MILDLY WEIRDED OUT. AND YOU DO TOO GET ON MY CASE ABOUT WEIRD TROLL SHIT DON'T EVEN PRETEND OTHERWISE.

sometimes i wonder what your horns feel like

[...]

uh
ignore that

[...]

what i mean is troll culture is weird and i havent had three years to get used to it
not like dave and rose did
but im pretty sure the eggs arent a problem so dont worry about it
just let me know if you find any

[...???]

THEY'RE HORNS. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THEY FEEL LIKE? *HORNS*, DUH. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS.

[Not that he can... really judge, considering certain thoughts he may or may not have had about dem wings tho, but still. Oh god, this probably really is Davesprite's loss, isn't it? Shit. Quick, change the subject, UH—]

AND I HAVEN'T HAD THREE YEARS TO GET USED TO YOU, EITHER. JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.
AS FOR THE EGG THING, UH
SURE, IF IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU? BUT I DON'T THINK I'M LIKELY TO FIND ANY REAL ONES. DOES IT HAVE TO BE A REAL EGG?

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