snowblindrpg | [network|video] @quark; The Kids Are Not All Right; Day 69 [open] [suicide attempt]

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[network|video] @quark; The Kids Are Not All Right; Day 69 [open] [suicide attempt]

Evening

[It's getting late. The evening is winding down with maybe two hours left at most before lockdown. Quark's video turns on--but it's not facing him. It's swinging lightly as he walks through the snow, as if having done so was a mis-click. There's a building visible in the distance, easy enough to get to--but Quark isn't heading toward it. He's not heading away from it, either. Just pacing, like he's lost in multiple senses of the word.

Something becomes quickly clear: Quark is alone. At some point during this strange sickness that's been inflicting everyone in Norfinbury, Quark wandered off, away from his equally-incapacitated traveling party. The tablet falls from his hands and lands on the snow beneath him, showing an odd angle of Quark standing there, looking dazed. He clutches his head.]

I see it. I can see it. I have to die. No...I'm supposed to die. It's the only way I'll be free. The only way...for any of us...

[His breathing is labored, his voice edged with steadily rising panic. Quark falls to his knees, trying to support himself on his backpack. In a second of clarity, he seems to realize that he's dropped his tablet and gropes around until his hand touches it and he brings it toward his knees. Even then, his eyes are unseeing as he stares down at the screen.]

It would be so easy. I just have to stay here, outside, and it'll all be over. [A flash of recognition passes through his face. His eyes go wild.] Wait...what am I saying? Where am I?

Post-Lockdown

[Miraculously, despite his apparent desire to lay down in the snow until lockdown and let himself freeze, Quark manages to make it into a safe building in time. Perhaps someone talked sense into him, or he snapped out of it long enough to realize where he is and the things he's saying and seeing aren't him and he runs the rest of the way inside before he can let himself think anything else. But that's not to say he looks like he's doing any better. In fact, Quark looks more panicked than ever.]

I should have done it. I should have died. Everyone's going to die anyway when the bomb goes off. There's no point in waiting!

[He puts the tablet down at his feet, reaches for his backpack, and produces a steak knife. His eyes stare at it with an obvious sense of purpose, and he slowly turns it around toward his chest, but doesn't make a move to actually plunge it inside. Under the panic, there's reluctance and confusion. His words start to repeat the things he was saying earlier, outside, like he's a broken record playing on a loop.]

Escape. My soul needs to escape.

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[Apparently this is just a terrible day for children. He seems confused, though, so maybe just a little metaphorical push will help?] Hey, you shouldn't say stuff like that. It's late, you need to get inside.

[The voice startles Quark, but even though he's looking right down at the screen he doesn't seem to realize that that's where it's coming from. At least not initially. Whatever he is seeing (death, terror, confusion, people betraying each other, and then the sickness, his vision distorting) he has to push back, to regain his sense of reality. The problem is, he isn't so sure what his reality is right now.]

Why not? It's true, isn't it? Why are we still fighting? Why are we playing this stupid game? We're not going to win. We're just suffering.

This isn't-- [Isn't a game, but America is still not sure what's actually going on.] Listen, the alternative's worse, yeah? Like, freezing to death--it's not a lot of fun, y'know? [Actually, America really hopes Quark doesn't know. But anyway.] We've gotta keep fighting since that way things will get better.

It would be really cold...

[He can admit that much. It makes sense. And he's not supposed to die that way, is he? Not by freezing, right? This is all wrong, all strange and mixed up.]

I'm cold.

[The thought, spoken aloud, clarifies things a little.]

You're right, I should get inside. I'm sorry, I'm so confused...I'm seeing things, horrible things! I don't know what's real and I'm...scared...

[He brings his hands to his face, rubs his eyes, and tries to steady his breathing. He just wants this to stop, he doesn't understand what any of it means.]

You really think that things can get better? That we have a future?

Yeah! [America says it with the forcefulness of certainty. If there's one thing America is great at, it's speaking as if his wild optimism is a guaranteed outcome.] Things will definitely get better, we just have to keep trying. No giving up! Then your snowman would be sad.

[Quark goes quiet. America makes one hell of a persuasive argument.]

He would be sad. And...I'd never get to see the rest of it's new family!

[Quark struggles to pull his backpack back on. It feels so much heavier than normal, and his knees are numb from crouching in the snow.]

I shouldn't give up, no matter what I see. I'm...I'm trying not to. I'll keep trying!

Yeah, exactly! Good job! [America will just give the screen a thumbs up like a dork. Which is fine since he's talking to a kid. And also America is a dork.] Getting inside'll help too just in general 'cause you'll be warmer. Being cold's awful.

Okay...okay. Okay!

[The way Quark repeats the word suggests that he thinks maybe the more he says it, the more he'll actually feel like things aren't so hopeless. But that's hard. It's hard, because he keeps seeing so many bad, bad endings.

Still, he manages to rise from his knees, and begins to walk shakily toward the house. His gait is so unbalanced, he threatens to topple over with each step, but he keeps his tablet cradled in his arms and soldiers on as best as he can.]

Thank you, Mister.

thereis a bomb?

*There was one on the network before but it didn't seem the type to threaten everyone.
Aside from that...he doesn't dislike Quark and what little working together they've done has made him curious about most of this message.*

death isnot necessarily escape
you shouldnot

*You haven't even finished exploring stuff you were going to explore yet, at least do that first.*

[It takes Quark awhile to respond to text. He sees the message when it appears, but an obvious concentrated effort to see the words, and an even bigger one to get them to process and to stick.]

There's not just one. It has a number--number three, so there have to be three bombs. But how can we know? It might not stop there. There could be four, or, or five bombs!

[Quark shudders. He doesn't put down the knife, but he seems distracted enough to temporarily forget its purpose and wraps his arms around himself. He looks dizzy, like he might fall over.]

My body's a cage. My soul needs to...it needs to be freed!

*Its still probably easier than processing his videos.*

whereare bomb s?

*Cause he doesn't really want to blow up.*

itwill not
some re tu rn here
after death

*Or show up here after dying. If he got the idea of afterlife he might assume this is one.*

I don't know, I don't know where the others are. They could be anywhere.

[He looks around, as if that'll help him find the ones missing from his memories. But he never sees all of the other bombs, even getting flashes from other timelines of his life, it's not information he'll ever know.]

What if that isn't true? What if every time a person dies, when they come back, it's a different version of that person? Then the soul from one reality is free, forever.

*Hn. He'll have to go looking for bombs, then.*

then whydo re mem ber
?

...I don't have any of the answers.

[He doesn't know, he doesn't know. It's so hard not knowing when he has so many questions. Quark didn't think he could ever have so many questions about anything before today. Before all these memories. At least...they feel like memories, but he doesn't remember any of them. So what does that mean? What could it mean? How can that even be possible?]

It doesn't make sense that they'd remember. But it doesn't make sense to remember anything that you shouldn't.

ifthey were not here be fore they would not reme mber

it doesnot

*He only remembers what's important, after all.*

may be you just donot know
why
you remember
yet
?

[Quark's head hurts so bad. This is distracting him from wanting to die, at least, but otherwise he feels no better. He's so scared, so confused. This has to stop. He needs it to stop!]

Nobody should have to remember the way that they die! That's not...it's not fair!

[The bomb explodes. All the bombs explode. It happens almost every time. If that isn't it, it's the virus. If it's not the virus, he wakes up and everyone's dead and he doesn't know where he is, oh god, he's alone.]

*That was a good point, but he's still going with 'i remember the important things'.*

whatif to
avoid
it nexttime
?

Maybe...but it just seems so scary and far away.

[How can he even think to stop an explosion--if there's an explosion at all. Maybe he can stop the sickness, he can warn everyone about the antidote, and about what'll happen if they give it to the wrong person. But the bombs...he can't answer about the bombs. Or the choices that other people make in voting. He can't control people. And he's so young.]

What if nobody listens to me?

some peo ple arenot
good
at listening

*He knows some people like that.*

you keep tell ing
may be in different ways
theymust list en
ev en tu al ly

[He's started losing his senses, his hearing is weaker, he cannot see too well, he feels aphatic and all but- Zeus, no! Even if his hands feel... strange, even if there's something else crawling under his skin and distracting him Leon manages to snap out of it for now, at least enough to interact with his tablet.]

What bomb? Hey, kid, put that knife down. Now.

[The man is shouting yet he can barely hear himself but it doesn't matter.]

I said... put that knife down! We will escap- [And there it goes his sight. Leon blinks a couple of time before starting to yell again.] We will escape, kid, but not like that!

[It's a good thing that Quark is a child who has always respected figures of authority. And his elders in general (when they're not raging jerks). The sharply spoken order actually causes Quark to drop the knife, if only because he's startled. Leon may have missed seeing it, but he should be able to hear, if faintly, the sound of the knife clattering to the floor.

Quark gulps as he looks at it, like he's never seen one before in his life. His response is weak, uncertain.]

The bomb under the bed. That's where I found it.

[There's a sigh of relief on his part. He heard the metal clash against the floor and bless you, kid, for actually dropping the weapon. And- bombs? Really? He wishes he could check himself.]

Okay, good job. Now listen carefully: If there's a bomb, there certainly is a way to deactivate it. And a single one can't certainly destroy the entire village, instead of trying anything stupid you should contact everyone and tell them to check their buildings. [Not all bombs can be deactivate, he knows that but Leon doesn't feel like it's a good idea to admit the truth.] Are you in the building with the bomb? If the answer is yes I have an important assigment to you: check under the bed, take pictures to share with everyone and ask if anyone knows how to deactivate it. We have many experts when it comes to technology so don't give up hope. Oh, I will also need you to describe it carefully to me: my tablet's screen is broken- [That's a lie] and I won't be able to see it myself.

And don't forget: as long as you're alive it's always worth fighting.
[Still totally shouting because he can barely hear but... do you really care?]

I...I don't think it's the only bomb, Mister.

[He's given so much information, he's not sure how much he can act on, especially not being so in his right mind, with different scenarios taking hold of him at random, but if nothing else he can at least...try and describe the bomb. He pauses as he gets closer.]

It has a number three on it! I think that means there are at least three bombs! There could even be more. It's, um...it's like a cylinder? Like a big metal container. It doesn't look like something somebody made on their own.

[ Jim misses the first post, caught up as he is in a string of memories from his early childhood. He's lucid enough to catch the second despite the situation with his own traveling group. That it's Quark makes him actually pay attention; the growing panic as the video progresses freezes any thought of calling for help.

He's as calm as he can manage to be when he turns on the video to respond, but it'd obviously cracking around the edges. ] Quark. Hey, buddy, it's me.

Can you put the knife down for a second?

...Jim?

[Recognizing the username, if nothing else, is a struggle. He looks from the video feed of Jim to the knife in his hand. The expression on his face makes it seem as if he didn't realize he'd been holding it to begin with.]

Okay.

[He lowers the knife, his whole arm shaking, but his fingers don't uncurl from around the hilt. Quark's hit with a flash of a memory that hasn't happened yet, again, people trying to wrestle the scalpel out of his hand before he can thrust it into his heart, or his neck, which ever comes easiest. They're all screaming at him, shouting, holding him down--and he feels suffocated.]

I-I don't know, I need it!

Y-yeah, it's me. Jim.

[ The realization that this might be the first time Quark's seen his face or heard his voice happens, but it's distant. Unimportant in the face of the fact that Quark's still holding the knife and still talking like he wants to do something crazy. ]

It's okay, you don't have to do anything. Your - your soul is okay right where it is.

[Quark has to try not to cry. He doesn't want to cry and he doesn't want to die either, but he's tired and confused and scared. Where is he right now? Norfinbury? That's where he thought he was, but the world around him keeps shifting into the Infirmary on Rhizome-9, or anywhere else where something terrible happened in that scary place.

He takes deep, unsteady breaths, focusing on Jim's words as he forces himself to let go of the knife. It's okay, it's okay, he's okay. He stares at where it fell and feels hopeless.]

Even if I don't do anything...even if I really don't want to die and I'm just sick and I can be cured--and they do cure me--I'm still going to die. Everybody's going to die and I can't fix it. I keep seeing it, no matter what we do differently.

[Is this what he has to look forward to? Are these things waiting for him when they find a way out of Norfinbury? Or is this happening right now and he's missing all of it? It doesn't make sense, but it's scary either way. He's scared. Too scared to think about it all rationally.]

[ Jim lets out a long, loud sigh of relief when he hears the knife fall. The relief is so strong it leaves him shaky, nearly crying himself, but it's not enough. Quark's still talking crazy about things Jim doesn't understand. Maybe if they knew each other better he would have some kind of magic words to make this easier, but they don't and he's got to do it anyway.

He clears his throat around the lump lodged inside it. ]

You don't want to die, okay, because then there's no chance. Whatever you see here it's not true! If you give up now there's no chance to figure out a way to fix it a-and if there are people counting on you -

[ He realizes, belatedly, that maybe that's the wrong track. Maybe it'll make Quark feel worse and pick the knife back up. Time to try something else. ]

-Look, have you ever stayed in one place too long here? Seen what happens to someone that does?

But it looks...it feels so real.

[Quark gulps, his throat feeling constricted. He covers his face for moment, just wanting to make it all stop. He wants to believe that it's not true, but how can he when it's all so much? If nothing else, the shift in topic makes Quark pause.]

Y-Yes. I mean...it's been a really long time, but when I first woke up here I stayed in the same house for a week. I felt...sick.

[Kind of like he feels now, right? Sort of. It's kind of the same, but kind of different, too. Scary both ways.]

I know it does.

[ Jim had been experiencing them himself, on and off. He'd been able to smell something cooking in the inn's kitchen, hear the usual roar of people, feel his mother's arms wrap around him in a hug. He knows how real it has to feel for Quark. ]

Kind of like this, right? I got locked in somewhere once, started thinking I could hear this guy from back home crawling around, coming for me. Thought for a few weeks he was here, just keeping quiet on the network, but it wasn't real.

Just like this isn't real, right? They can mess with your head, but you can't let 'em.

Kind of. But...

[It's not the same, exactly. There are all these things he's seeing that haven't happened. They feel like memories, but they aren't. Does that mean something? No, he doesn't want to talk about it. Actually, he's not really in his right mind enough to talk about it. The specifics will have to wait until later.]

You're right. I can't let this scare me. It'll stop on it's own...right?

Yeah - yeah, they'll stop. Everything else has, right?

[ Jim's not very confident of that, but he manages to make it sound like he believes it after that initial stumble. It's important that he makes Quark believe it before Jim slips back into his own delusions. ]

It's gonna be fine as long as you can remember that.

R-Right.

[The visions are telling him that he believes, desperately, so completely, that he has to free his soul from the body that's caged it but Jim's here, and Jim's words are nicer. He wants to listen to those words instead.]

Thank you, Jim.

[He's going to try his best to ignore it. It's just so hard.]

Quark!

[The knife sends a jolt through them, a very unpleasant one. But it's a distant feeling, overwhelmed by the memory that's mixing with it. Volcano-hot heat everywhere, news-station-esque music in the background... they're overheating even, but they're in too much of a rush to waste the time removing their clothes. Two minutes, they have two-]

Find the bomb and my phone can disable it! Alphys showed me how!

O-Okay!

[The exclamation is so sudden, and Frisk sounds so unbelievable sure of themselves that Quark can't help but switch his focus over to the bombs specifically. He drops his knife to stumble shakily to his feet, taking the tablet with him.]

How? What's the first thing I have to do?

I-I dunno if your phone can. Alphys did stuff to mine. Just... just find it, and I can do it.

[This will work, they're sure of it. They can't waste too much more time though.]

I'll look for the others.

[Wait, what?]

Really?

[He'd think that's super cool if it wasn't for the fact that he's scared out of his mind. And who's Alphys? Oh well, that doesn't matter. Frisk can do it! He believes in them.]

Okay, hold on! There should be at least to other ones, but I don't know how many there really are.

[A bit of disorienting shuffling later, and Quark's crawled underneath the downstairs bed, where he thinks the bomb is. Right next to where he sees it.]

I found it! I'm right here next to it. What now?

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[network|video] @quark; The Kids Are Not All Right; Day 69 [open] [suicide attempt]

@starspangledhero; video; evening

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post lockdown, text, @totheark

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Audio, @Griever

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Post Lockdown; video, @jphawkins

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@determination; video I said I would

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