Quark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
averytinyparticle) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2015-12-23 11:53 am
averytinyparticle) wrote in snowblindrpg2015-12-23 11:53 am
[network|video] @quark; The Kids Are Not All Right; Day 69 [open] [suicide attempt]
Evening
[It's getting late. The evening is winding down with maybe two hours left at most before lockdown. Quark's video turns on--but it's not facing him. It's swinging lightly as he walks through the snow, as if having done so was a mis-click. There's a building visible in the distance, easy enough to get to--but Quark isn't heading toward it. He's not heading away from it, either. Just pacing, like he's lost in multiple senses of the word.
Something becomes quickly clear: Quark is alone. At some point during this strange sickness that's been inflicting everyone in Norfinbury, Quark wandered off, away from his equally-incapacitated traveling party. The tablet falls from his hands and lands on the snow beneath him, showing an odd angle of Quark standing there, looking dazed. He clutches his head.]
I see it. I can see it. I have to die. No...I'm supposed to die. It's the only way I'll be free. The only way...for any of us...
[His breathing is labored, his voice edged with steadily rising panic. Quark falls to his knees, trying to support himself on his backpack. In a second of clarity, he seems to realize that he's dropped his tablet and gropes around until his hand touches it and he brings it toward his knees. Even then, his eyes are unseeing as he stares down at the screen.]
It would be so easy. I just have to stay here, outside, and it'll all be over. [A flash of recognition passes through his face. His eyes go wild.] Wait...what am I saying? Where am I?
Post-Lockdown
[Miraculously, despite his apparent desire to lay down in the snow until lockdown and let himself freeze, Quark manages to make it into a safe building in time. Perhaps someone talked sense into him, or he snapped out of it long enough to realize where he is and the things he's saying and seeing aren't him and he runs the rest of the way inside before he can let himself think anything else. But that's not to say he looks like he's doing any better. In fact, Quark looks more panicked than ever.]
I should have done it. I should have died. Everyone's going to die anyway when the bomb goes off. There's no point in waiting!
[He puts the tablet down at his feet, reaches for his backpack, and produces a steak knife. His eyes stare at it with an obvious sense of purpose, and he slowly turns it around toward his chest, but doesn't make a move to actually plunge it inside. Under the panic, there's reluctance and confusion. His words start to repeat the things he was saying earlier, outside, like he's a broken record playing on a loop.]
Escape. My soul needs to escape.
[It's getting late. The evening is winding down with maybe two hours left at most before lockdown. Quark's video turns on--but it's not facing him. It's swinging lightly as he walks through the snow, as if having done so was a mis-click. There's a building visible in the distance, easy enough to get to--but Quark isn't heading toward it. He's not heading away from it, either. Just pacing, like he's lost in multiple senses of the word.
Something becomes quickly clear: Quark is alone. At some point during this strange sickness that's been inflicting everyone in Norfinbury, Quark wandered off, away from his equally-incapacitated traveling party. The tablet falls from his hands and lands on the snow beneath him, showing an odd angle of Quark standing there, looking dazed. He clutches his head.]
I see it. I can see it. I have to die. No...I'm supposed to die. It's the only way I'll be free. The only way...for any of us...
[His breathing is labored, his voice edged with steadily rising panic. Quark falls to his knees, trying to support himself on his backpack. In a second of clarity, he seems to realize that he's dropped his tablet and gropes around until his hand touches it and he brings it toward his knees. Even then, his eyes are unseeing as he stares down at the screen.]
It would be so easy. I just have to stay here, outside, and it'll all be over. [A flash of recognition passes through his face. His eyes go wild.] Wait...what am I saying? Where am I?
Post-Lockdown
[Miraculously, despite his apparent desire to lay down in the snow until lockdown and let himself freeze, Quark manages to make it into a safe building in time. Perhaps someone talked sense into him, or he snapped out of it long enough to realize where he is and the things he's saying and seeing aren't him and he runs the rest of the way inside before he can let himself think anything else. But that's not to say he looks like he's doing any better. In fact, Quark looks more panicked than ever.]
I should have done it. I should have died. Everyone's going to die anyway when the bomb goes off. There's no point in waiting!
[He puts the tablet down at his feet, reaches for his backpack, and produces a steak knife. His eyes stare at it with an obvious sense of purpose, and he slowly turns it around toward his chest, but doesn't make a move to actually plunge it inside. Under the panic, there's reluctance and confusion. His words start to repeat the things he was saying earlier, outside, like he's a broken record playing on a loop.]
Escape. My soul needs to escape.
no subject
He takes deep, unsteady breaths, focusing on Jim's words as he forces himself to let go of the knife. It's okay, it's okay, he's okay. He stares at where it fell and feels hopeless.]
Even if I don't do anything...even if I really don't want to die and I'm just sick and I can be cured--and they do cure me--I'm still going to die. Everybody's going to die and I can't fix it. I keep seeing it, no matter what we do differently.
[Is this what he has to look forward to? Are these things waiting for him when they find a way out of Norfinbury? Or is this happening right now and he's missing all of it? It doesn't make sense, but it's scary either way. He's scared. Too scared to think about it all rationally.]
no subject
He clears his throat around the lump lodged inside it. ]
You don't want to die, okay, because then there's no chance. Whatever you see here it's not true! If you give up now there's no chance to figure out a way to fix it a-and if there are people counting on you -
[ He realizes, belatedly, that maybe that's the wrong track. Maybe it'll make Quark feel worse and pick the knife back up. Time to try something else. ]
-Look, have you ever stayed in one place too long here? Seen what happens to someone that does?
no subject
[Quark gulps, his throat feeling constricted. He covers his face for moment, just wanting to make it all stop. He wants to believe that it's not true, but how can he when it's all so much? If nothing else, the shift in topic makes Quark pause.]
Y-Yes. I mean...it's been a really long time, but when I first woke up here I stayed in the same house for a week. I felt...sick.
[Kind of like he feels now, right? Sort of. It's kind of the same, but kind of different, too. Scary both ways.]
no subject
[ Jim had been experiencing them himself, on and off. He'd been able to smell something cooking in the inn's kitchen, hear the usual roar of people, feel his mother's arms wrap around him in a hug. He knows how real it has to feel for Quark. ]
Kind of like this, right? I got locked in somewhere once, started thinking I could hear this guy from back home crawling around, coming for me. Thought for a few weeks he was here, just keeping quiet on the network, but it wasn't real.
Just like this isn't real, right? They can mess with your head, but you can't let 'em.
no subject
[It's not the same, exactly. There are all these things he's seeing that haven't happened. They feel like memories, but they aren't. Does that mean something? No, he doesn't want to talk about it. Actually, he's not really in his right mind enough to talk about it. The specifics will have to wait until later.]
You're right. I can't let this scare me. It'll stop on it's own...right?
no subject
[ Jim's not very confident of that, but he manages to make it sound like he believes it after that initial stumble. It's important that he makes Quark believe it before Jim slips back into his own delusions. ]
It's gonna be fine as long as you can remember that.
no subject
[The visions are telling him that he believes, desperately, so completely, that he has to free his soul from the body that's caged it but Jim's here, and Jim's words are nicer. He wants to listen to those words instead.]
Thank you, Jim.
[He's going to try his best to ignore it. It's just so hard.]