Quark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
averytinyparticle) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2015-12-23 11:53 am
averytinyparticle) wrote in snowblindrpg2015-12-23 11:53 am
[network|video] @quark; The Kids Are Not All Right; Day 69 [open] [suicide attempt]
Evening
[It's getting late. The evening is winding down with maybe two hours left at most before lockdown. Quark's video turns on--but it's not facing him. It's swinging lightly as he walks through the snow, as if having done so was a mis-click. There's a building visible in the distance, easy enough to get to--but Quark isn't heading toward it. He's not heading away from it, either. Just pacing, like he's lost in multiple senses of the word.
Something becomes quickly clear: Quark is alone. At some point during this strange sickness that's been inflicting everyone in Norfinbury, Quark wandered off, away from his equally-incapacitated traveling party. The tablet falls from his hands and lands on the snow beneath him, showing an odd angle of Quark standing there, looking dazed. He clutches his head.]
I see it. I can see it. I have to die. No...I'm supposed to die. It's the only way I'll be free. The only way...for any of us...
[His breathing is labored, his voice edged with steadily rising panic. Quark falls to his knees, trying to support himself on his backpack. In a second of clarity, he seems to realize that he's dropped his tablet and gropes around until his hand touches it and he brings it toward his knees. Even then, his eyes are unseeing as he stares down at the screen.]
It would be so easy. I just have to stay here, outside, and it'll all be over. [A flash of recognition passes through his face. His eyes go wild.] Wait...what am I saying? Where am I?
Post-Lockdown
[Miraculously, despite his apparent desire to lay down in the snow until lockdown and let himself freeze, Quark manages to make it into a safe building in time. Perhaps someone talked sense into him, or he snapped out of it long enough to realize where he is and the things he's saying and seeing aren't him and he runs the rest of the way inside before he can let himself think anything else. But that's not to say he looks like he's doing any better. In fact, Quark looks more panicked than ever.]
I should have done it. I should have died. Everyone's going to die anyway when the bomb goes off. There's no point in waiting!
[He puts the tablet down at his feet, reaches for his backpack, and produces a steak knife. His eyes stare at it with an obvious sense of purpose, and he slowly turns it around toward his chest, but doesn't make a move to actually plunge it inside. Under the panic, there's reluctance and confusion. His words start to repeat the things he was saying earlier, outside, like he's a broken record playing on a loop.]
Escape. My soul needs to escape.
[It's getting late. The evening is winding down with maybe two hours left at most before lockdown. Quark's video turns on--but it's not facing him. It's swinging lightly as he walks through the snow, as if having done so was a mis-click. There's a building visible in the distance, easy enough to get to--but Quark isn't heading toward it. He's not heading away from it, either. Just pacing, like he's lost in multiple senses of the word.
Something becomes quickly clear: Quark is alone. At some point during this strange sickness that's been inflicting everyone in Norfinbury, Quark wandered off, away from his equally-incapacitated traveling party. The tablet falls from his hands and lands on the snow beneath him, showing an odd angle of Quark standing there, looking dazed. He clutches his head.]
I see it. I can see it. I have to die. No...I'm supposed to die. It's the only way I'll be free. The only way...for any of us...
[His breathing is labored, his voice edged with steadily rising panic. Quark falls to his knees, trying to support himself on his backpack. In a second of clarity, he seems to realize that he's dropped his tablet and gropes around until his hand touches it and he brings it toward his knees. Even then, his eyes are unseeing as he stares down at the screen.]
It would be so easy. I just have to stay here, outside, and it'll all be over. [A flash of recognition passes through his face. His eyes go wild.] Wait...what am I saying? Where am I?
Post-Lockdown
[Miraculously, despite his apparent desire to lay down in the snow until lockdown and let himself freeze, Quark manages to make it into a safe building in time. Perhaps someone talked sense into him, or he snapped out of it long enough to realize where he is and the things he's saying and seeing aren't him and he runs the rest of the way inside before he can let himself think anything else. But that's not to say he looks like he's doing any better. In fact, Quark looks more panicked than ever.]
I should have done it. I should have died. Everyone's going to die anyway when the bomb goes off. There's no point in waiting!
[He puts the tablet down at his feet, reaches for his backpack, and produces a steak knife. His eyes stare at it with an obvious sense of purpose, and he slowly turns it around toward his chest, but doesn't make a move to actually plunge it inside. Under the panic, there's reluctance and confusion. His words start to repeat the things he was saying earlier, outside, like he's a broken record playing on a loop.]
Escape. My soul needs to escape.
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He would be sad. And...I'd never get to see the rest of it's new family!
[Quark struggles to pull his backpack back on. It feels so much heavier than normal, and his knees are numb from crouching in the snow.]
I shouldn't give up, no matter what I see. I'm...I'm trying not to. I'll keep trying!
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[The way Quark repeats the word suggests that he thinks maybe the more he says it, the more he'll actually feel like things aren't so hopeless. But that's hard. It's hard, because he keeps seeing so many bad, bad endings.
Still, he manages to rise from his knees, and begins to walk shakily toward the house. His gait is so unbalanced, he threatens to topple over with each step, but he keeps his tablet cradled in his arms and soldiers on as best as he can.]
Thank you, Mister.