[network] @SceptredIsle; how do we bear this burden; day 56; text [open]

[keepscalm]

Good morning, everyone.

I'm sure you all saw the obituary a couple days ago. I elected not to post about it yesterday, as there were more widespread concerns regarding our safety and I didn't wish to detract attention from them. [Yes. That is totally the reason it has taken him a few days to post about this.]

But I'd like to request that you contact me if you have any information on the whereabouts of Sealand. His network handle is @TOTALLYANATION. He looks about twelve and he's got short blonde hair and blue eyes. I know he's not in the hospital's morgue; I checked. I've left him a message so that he can hopefully respond once he returns.

[If he returns.]

There's no need to go out of your way to search, but if anyone is going by the other morgues, I would appreciate if you could take a quick look while you're there.

And if he happens to contact any of you, please tell him that England and America are looking for him. [He's using his real name and everything! Mostly because hiding it now is pointless and he has better things to worry about.]

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[rubikscomplex]

[Time for the insensitive guy to step in because, seriously? No one's mentioned this?]

okay, limey
england and america i get
but sealand?
is that supposed to be another country or were you guys running out of names?

[keepscalm]

[Ah yes. This is everything England wanted to deal with today.]

Believe me, he's not a country. He's something called a "micronation." Most of them are only officially recognised by just a few other nations, if any. No nation has formally recognised Sealand.

He's actually a decommissioned British sea fort. I think his population is around twenty, I can't remember exactly.

So no, he's not a country, but he is an entity like us and he prefers to be called by the name of the micronation he represents. His human name is Peter, if you'd rather call him that.

[England has managed to answer reasonably without rising to the bait! Good job, England, for once in your life.]

[rubikscomplex]

leave it to the brits to get super creative on names
so if you're supposed to be england are there a scotland and wales, too?
northern ireland?
does he get along with the republic or is it a cain and abel thing going on over there?

also, what the hell's up with personifications of countries?
who thought that was actually necessary?
what happens when a nation ends?
just vanishing?
must've sucked to be the ussr

[keepscalm]

Scotland and Wales are my brothers, yes. I prefer not to talk about the Ireland situation, but rest assured, none of us particularly get along unless it's to make life miserable for another member of the family.

I don't know why we came about, nor do I know anyone who does. We simply exist. As for what happens when a nation falls, it seems to depend. For example, Rome is no longer with us, but Prussia continues to somehow make things hell for those around him.

As for the USSR, it didn't have a single personification. It was simply represented by a group of its constituent territories, with Russia in charge, of course. I believe they all lived together.

[He's not really an expert on Eastern Europe.]

[rubikscomplex]

dude
are ALL of the nations guys?
that's gotta be sexist
what about mother russia?
is france a chick?
i feel like france should be
maybe hangs out with lesbos, the micronation

[You may see where this is going, England. Think of it as him trying to distract you from the sadness of Sealand's disappearance. Or something noble. Something...]

[keepscalm]

France is a man. A rather ugly one, at that. [Well, it gives him the opportunity to make fun of France, at least. That makes him feel a bit more normal...

He is definitely ignoring what House is hinting at. And that thing about Lesbos. Definitely that part.]

There are women among our ranks. Russia has two sisters, Ukraine and Belarus. Hungary, Belgium, Liechtenstein, and Monaco are all women. Seychelles and Czech, as well, and then Vietnam and Taiwan over in Asia.

That's far from a comprehensive list, of course, but female nations aren't exactly elusive.

[There's the other ancient nations and his mum, too, but he doesn't exactly want to share his fond memories of her with Doctor Hotstud over here.]

[rubikscomplex]

damn
is he a good kisser, at least?
i know you naughty brits and your slap fights with the frogs
how does it get decided?
do you guys get born or just suddenly you're in existence?
do you have some kind of inborn knowledge about what the hell's going on?
or is there some sort of united nations council?

[keepscalm]

I wouldn't know. [About the France thing. Who knows if he's telling the truth, though...]

We're not born the way humans are, though we are children when we appear. As far as I know it, we wake up alone in our lands. I knew that I was different from the humans around me, but I didn't know exactly how or why. They seemed to realise I was different, as well.

[A small pause, as England reconsiders his decision to bring his mum into this. While he has no idea if this guy is buying any of the explanation, someone else who will value the information more might be reading the conversation. And England does like talking about things he's basically an expert in...]

But I was fortunate, as far as figuring out my own existence went. Britannia was my mother, and she was able to explain it to me. Nations without ancient predecessors or older siblings have to puzzle it out on their own, I assume.

[rubikscomplex]

so the humans are all aware of this and okay with some guy running around claiming to be their country?

[The mention of Britannia raises an interesting question. He's pretty sure half of this is bullshit, but House is trying to maintain his willing suspension of disbelief a little more these days after the punch in the face that had been Freya.]

and are you america's older brother?

[keepscalm]

[House's question causes the whole response to have a delay. Thank goodness this exchange is through text; the flustering that results can remain a secret.]

God, no. We're not related the way I am to Sealand and the other members of the United Kingdom. I found him when I ventured to the New World. He was my colony and now he's my ally, that's all.

[That is far from the whole story, but like hell is he going to admit to all the actual changes their relationship has gone through.]

As for the humans, it seems that some of them are more intuitive than others when it comes to us. They were a bit more accepting of the idea when I was young.

[rubikscomplex]

[That is a suspiciously specific explanation for what could have been a yes or no question. Not to mention the 'that's all.']

you slept with him, didn't you?

[Why not throw it out? The worst that can happen is being told no.]

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the american revolution REALLY ended
when america boned england

[keepscalm]

[GOD WHY.]

Absolutely not. Don't make such obscene claims.

[England has too many other things to think about to deal with this topic.]

cw: general obscenity

[rubikscomplex]

[Because it's fun.]

hey, no need to be shy about it, limey
a lot of folks get a hard-on for america
just about everybody i know who owns a gun
if he's not dishing the d now because of the cold
just wait
america "comes" to the aid of our "allies" when they need it most

[keepscalm]

We're not sleeping together and we have never had a history of sleeping together. I cannot possibly make it clearer than that.

[He also types something about how dare House suggest England would be the receiver in this situation, but he thinks better of sending that, at least...]

[rubikscomplex]

pick another euphemism
because i'm pretty sure you're "sleeping together" if you're traveling together right now
and there's no judgement here
fun, bouncy, boisterous new colony meets stoic, emotionally distant colonizer
sparks fly, revolution ensues
they each grow up
find new allies
america had a little fling with france
but we've gotta come back to old blighty in the end
i can dig it
romance rekindled in the snowy wastes with no other countries but each other
lonely
losing your little brother
and america always has to help

[Do you like his fantasy scenario, England? He has more to add.]

[keepscalm]

I'd like to remind you that you're the one who selected the euphemism.

There is nothing to rekindle because there was never a romance. And what you're saying now has no basis in reality whatsoever.

Especially that bit about France.

[He tried so hard. But he can never resist the bait when it comes to France.]

[rubikscomplex]

[He's going to ignore everything else and hone in on the part that's gotten a rise out of England.]

don't be jealous
i'm sure america got around in his younger days
france, canada, mexico
need to make nice with your neighbors, too
what better way than a real below the waist american salute?

i mean: america, fuck yeah!
not just the slogan for team america
but a way of life

[keepscalm]

I'm not jealous.

[He can't just not respond, but anything else he could possibly say about that would just make it worse. Concision is a valuable skill in writing, anyway.]

[rubikscomplex]

sure
just like arthur wasn't pissed when he found out guinevere was banging lancelot

[keepscalm]

Don't use my legends to make a point, particularly when they're not relevant.

[Because he's not jealous!

But he is mourning that this reference is one of the few things he's seen from his country since he's been here.]

[rubikscomplex]

totally relevant
just admit it
you don't want america banging anyone else but you

[Why yes, he's going to just act like a 5-year-old and keep harping on the same point.]

@starspangledhero; text

[fifty]

OMG NO I HAVEN'T

[America has done a pretty good job of not hurtling himself into conversations involving his citizens as a whole here, but this is definitely a special case.]

[rubikscomplex]

hey, no shame in it, tiger
some countries have it
some don't
the america i know TOTALLY would

[fifty]

you're not allowed to imply your nation is easy that's BASICALLY illegal

[Also especially don't imply that to England?]

[rubikscomplex]

sorry
i don't accept the authority of the personifications of countries
there's nothing wrong with being easy, either
let's just call you "experimental"