[network] @SceptredIsle; how do we bear this burden; day 56; text [open]

[keepscalm]

Good morning, everyone.

I'm sure you all saw the obituary a couple days ago. I elected not to post about it yesterday, as there were more widespread concerns regarding our safety and I didn't wish to detract attention from them. [Yes. That is totally the reason it has taken him a few days to post about this.]

But I'd like to request that you contact me if you have any information on the whereabouts of Sealand. His network handle is @TOTALLYANATION. He looks about twelve and he's got short blonde hair and blue eyes. I know he's not in the hospital's morgue; I checked. I've left him a message so that he can hopefully respond once he returns.

[If he returns.]

There's no need to go out of your way to search, but if anyone is going by the other morgues, I would appreciate if you could take a quick look while you're there.

And if he happens to contact any of you, please tell him that England and America are looking for him. [He's using his real name and everything! Mostly because hiding it now is pointless and he has better things to worry about.]

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[rubikscomplex]

[He's going to ignore everything else and hone in on the part that's gotten a rise out of England.]

don't be jealous
i'm sure america got around in his younger days
france, canada, mexico
need to make nice with your neighbors, too
what better way than a real below the waist american salute?

i mean: america, fuck yeah!
not just the slogan for team america
but a way of life

[keepscalm]

I'm not jealous.

[He can't just not respond, but anything else he could possibly say about that would just make it worse. Concision is a valuable skill in writing, anyway.]

[rubikscomplex]

sure
just like arthur wasn't pissed when he found out guinevere was banging lancelot

[keepscalm]

Don't use my legends to make a point, particularly when they're not relevant.

[Because he's not jealous!

But he is mourning that this reference is one of the few things he's seen from his country since he's been here.]

[rubikscomplex]

totally relevant
just admit it
you don't want america banging anyone else but you

[Why yes, he's going to just act like a 5-year-old and keep harping on the same point.]

[keepscalm]

I don't know what would possess you to think I would say something like that at this point.

[And yet England keeps responding. He is not any better.]

[rubikscomplex]

right
i forgot the stiff upper lip british euphemisms thing
try this:

just admit it
you'd rather not have young america tallying the ho with aught but jolly old england
what what

[keepscalm]

I won't be saying anything of that nature. Especially given that I don't actually talk like that.

[...mostly.]

[rubikscomplex]

is this about who's invading whose virgin islands?
i mean if it's you wanting to jolly the roger
more power to you there

[keepscalm]

I have no idea what any of that is supposed to mean.

[Sort of. It's more that he can think of multiple things that these horrible euphemisms might be referencing.]

[rubikscomplex]

sorry, did i get it mixed up?
you wanna plow the unplowed earth
from sea to shining sea
roger it up with whatever he's calling himself

[keepscalm]

My stance on this has nothing to do with that particular issue, thank you.

Do you make a habit of questioning people about this sort of thing?

[rubikscomplex]

if i said yes, would it matter?
i'm just a curious guy

@starspangledhero; text

[fifty]

OMG NO I HAVEN'T

[America has done a pretty good job of not hurtling himself into conversations involving his citizens as a whole here, but this is definitely a special case.]

[rubikscomplex]

hey, no shame in it, tiger
some countries have it
some don't
the america i know TOTALLY would

[fifty]

you're not allowed to imply your nation is easy that's BASICALLY illegal

[Also especially don't imply that to England?]

[rubikscomplex]

sorry
i don't accept the authority of the personifications of countries
there's nothing wrong with being easy, either
let's just call you "experimental"

[fifty]

france is the one who sleeps with everyone to get stuff done okay

[rubikscomplex]

has he slept with you to get stuff done?

[fifty]

no

[It was very hard for America to resist saying more than that and House is not even going to appreciate it.]

[rubikscomplex]

upset you aren't one of the nations he's gone touring the eiffle tower with?

[fifty]

it's not cause he hasn't offered it's cause I have standards

[rubikscomplex]

oh please
america doesn't have standards
we're the land of hummers, tofurkey, and a mountain with a bunch of dead white guys carved into the face

[fifty]

FIRST OF ALL I HAVE PLENTY OF STANDARDS

second hummers and mount rushmore are awesome and tofu is like japan's thing not mine so that doesn't even count

[rubikscomplex]

explain:
chicken nuggets
deep fried butter
spray-on tans