[network] @SceptredIsle; how do we bear this burden; day 56; text [open]

[keepscalm]

Good morning, everyone.

I'm sure you all saw the obituary a couple days ago. I elected not to post about it yesterday, as there were more widespread concerns regarding our safety and I didn't wish to detract attention from them. [Yes. That is totally the reason it has taken him a few days to post about this.]

But I'd like to request that you contact me if you have any information on the whereabouts of Sealand. His network handle is @TOTALLYANATION. He looks about twelve and he's got short blonde hair and blue eyes. I know he's not in the hospital's morgue; I checked. I've left him a message so that he can hopefully respond once he returns.

[If he returns.]

There's no need to go out of your way to search, but if anyone is going by the other morgues, I would appreciate if you could take a quick look while you're there.

And if he happens to contact any of you, please tell him that England and America are looking for him. [He's using his real name and everything! Mostly because hiding it now is pointless and he has better things to worry about.]

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[rubikscomplex]

so the humans are all aware of this and okay with some guy running around claiming to be their country?

[The mention of Britannia raises an interesting question. He's pretty sure half of this is bullshit, but House is trying to maintain his willing suspension of disbelief a little more these days after the punch in the face that had been Freya.]

and are you america's older brother?

[keepscalm]

[House's question causes the whole response to have a delay. Thank goodness this exchange is through text; the flustering that results can remain a secret.]

God, no. We're not related the way I am to Sealand and the other members of the United Kingdom. I found him when I ventured to the New World. He was my colony and now he's my ally, that's all.

[That is far from the whole story, but like hell is he going to admit to all the actual changes their relationship has gone through.]

As for the humans, it seems that some of them are more intuitive than others when it comes to us. They were a bit more accepting of the idea when I was young.

[rubikscomplex]

[That is a suspiciously specific explanation for what could have been a yes or no question. Not to mention the 'that's all.']

you slept with him, didn't you?

[Why not throw it out? The worst that can happen is being told no.]

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the american revolution REALLY ended
when america boned england

[keepscalm]

[GOD WHY.]

Absolutely not. Don't make such obscene claims.

[England has too many other things to think about to deal with this topic.]

cw: general obscenity

[rubikscomplex]

[Because it's fun.]

hey, no need to be shy about it, limey
a lot of folks get a hard-on for america
just about everybody i know who owns a gun
if he's not dishing the d now because of the cold
just wait
america "comes" to the aid of our "allies" when they need it most

[keepscalm]

We're not sleeping together and we have never had a history of sleeping together. I cannot possibly make it clearer than that.

[He also types something about how dare House suggest England would be the receiver in this situation, but he thinks better of sending that, at least...]

[rubikscomplex]

pick another euphemism
because i'm pretty sure you're "sleeping together" if you're traveling together right now
and there's no judgement here
fun, bouncy, boisterous new colony meets stoic, emotionally distant colonizer
sparks fly, revolution ensues
they each grow up
find new allies
america had a little fling with france
but we've gotta come back to old blighty in the end
i can dig it
romance rekindled in the snowy wastes with no other countries but each other
lonely
losing your little brother
and america always has to help

[Do you like his fantasy scenario, England? He has more to add.]

[keepscalm]

I'd like to remind you that you're the one who selected the euphemism.

There is nothing to rekindle because there was never a romance. And what you're saying now has no basis in reality whatsoever.

Especially that bit about France.

[He tried so hard. But he can never resist the bait when it comes to France.]

[rubikscomplex]

[He's going to ignore everything else and hone in on the part that's gotten a rise out of England.]

don't be jealous
i'm sure america got around in his younger days
france, canada, mexico
need to make nice with your neighbors, too
what better way than a real below the waist american salute?

i mean: america, fuck yeah!
not just the slogan for team america
but a way of life

[keepscalm]

I'm not jealous.

[He can't just not respond, but anything else he could possibly say about that would just make it worse. Concision is a valuable skill in writing, anyway.]

[rubikscomplex]

sure
just like arthur wasn't pissed when he found out guinevere was banging lancelot

[keepscalm]

Don't use my legends to make a point, particularly when they're not relevant.

[Because he's not jealous!

But he is mourning that this reference is one of the few things he's seen from his country since he's been here.]

[rubikscomplex]

totally relevant
just admit it
you don't want america banging anyone else but you

[Why yes, he's going to just act like a 5-year-old and keep harping on the same point.]

[keepscalm]

I don't know what would possess you to think I would say something like that at this point.

[And yet England keeps responding. He is not any better.]

[rubikscomplex]

right
i forgot the stiff upper lip british euphemisms thing
try this:

just admit it
you'd rather not have young america tallying the ho with aught but jolly old england
what what

[keepscalm]

I won't be saying anything of that nature. Especially given that I don't actually talk like that.

[...mostly.]

[rubikscomplex]

is this about who's invading whose virgin islands?
i mean if it's you wanting to jolly the roger
more power to you there

@starspangledhero; text

[fifty]

OMG NO I HAVEN'T

[America has done a pretty good job of not hurtling himself into conversations involving his citizens as a whole here, but this is definitely a special case.]

[rubikscomplex]

hey, no shame in it, tiger
some countries have it
some don't
the america i know TOTALLY would

[fifty]

you're not allowed to imply your nation is easy that's BASICALLY illegal

[Also especially don't imply that to England?]

[rubikscomplex]

sorry
i don't accept the authority of the personifications of countries
there's nothing wrong with being easy, either
let's just call you "experimental"

[fifty]

france is the one who sleeps with everyone to get stuff done okay

[rubikscomplex]

has he slept with you to get stuff done?

[fifty]

no

[It was very hard for America to resist saying more than that and House is not even going to appreciate it.]

[rubikscomplex]

upset you aren't one of the nations he's gone touring the eiffle tower with?