[network] @tw; night 390; [open]

[maskintape]

[ Jay is back, which means that Tim is actually in a good mood for once. You could even say that he's... happy? Gosh.

Anyway. A happy Tim is apparently a productive and communicative Tim. Just after lockdown, he posts this. Can it possibly be-- ? Yes. Yes it is. ]



WELCOME TO TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2
pls note that all characters and etc depicted within this game are 100% fictional
any resemblance to real people or events is entirely coincidental
type HELP if this is your first adventure and you need more instructions

>new game

- - - - - - - -

>you wake up in a house. unfortunately it's not your house. it's dusty af, all the furniture is wrecked, and you can see a snowstorm going on outside. you have no idea how you got here or wtf is going on, but something tells you that you've probs been interdimensionally kidnapped and brought to some kind of snowy hellhole or something. it's just a hunch you have.
whatever. at least you aren't in alabama.
you LOOK around to get your bearings as you get to your feet.

to the NORTH there is a WINDOW.
to the EAST there is an OPEN DOOR leading to another room.
to the SOUTH there is a DOOR leading outside.
to the WEST is a STAIRCASE.
inside the room you are currently in, there is a COUCH. there is also a TABLE. on the TABLE is a BACKPACK.

>what do you do?

Comments

@standardissue; text

[deus_ex_phs]

>quit game

[maskintape]

you decide that you have no time for FRIVOLOUS BS and quit the game. TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2 bids you farewell with some ASCII ART OF A HAND FLIPPING YOU OFF.

you are now looking at your pc's DESKTOP. on the DESKTOP are several things:

TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2 is a quality text-based adventure game.
GOOGLE ULTRON is your internet browser.
AIM is your chat client of choice.
MICROSOFT BUSINESSBOY is the program you use for doing serious work things for work.
there is also a FOLDER labelled NOT PORN.

>what do you do?

@MarbleHornets; text

[genreblindness]

>Check camera

[maskintape]

[ DEJA VU. Or Jay-ja vu? Dejay vu? WHATEVS. ]

you check the CAMERA that you keep nestled in your CHEST-MOUNTED PAPOOSE at all times. there's no TAPE inside it. this distresses you because your precious camera baby needs food to live. what kind of world gives you a camera but not a tape. this is BULLSHIT.

you wonder if there might be tapes hidden in the house somewhere, because lbr when do you go anywhere and NOT find tapes.

>what do you do?

@zd; text

[swatsflies]

Grabbing the backpack.
What is in the backpack?

[maskintape]

you open the BACKPACK. inside are the following:

COMMUNICATIONS TABLET
RUBBER CHICKEN WITH A PULLEY IN THE MIDDLE
WAX LIPS
SET OF MANNEQUIN ARMS

you add them and the bag to your INVENTORY. I mean the bag kind of IS your INVENTORY now but w/e.

>what do you do?

@clowncutie92; text

[clowngirl]

HELP where are the pictures at??

[maskintape]

you have requested HELP
TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2 is a textual masterpiece so there are no sweet 3d graphics
or any chiptunesy music for that matter
here at TIMSOFT we recommend using your IMAGINATION to provide images for this adventure
but for those who are imaginationally challenged, you can also purchase a GRAPHICAL UPGRADE for only fifteen thousand dollars

>what do you do?

@librarian; text

[cahooted]

LOOK out the window.

[maskintape]

you LOOK out of the window.

to the NORTH you see SNOW.
to the NORTHWEST you see SNOW.
to the NORTHEAST you see SNOW.
BELOW you see SNOW.
ABOVE you see AN ANOMALY waiting on the guttering to ambush anyone leaving the house.

man that's a lot of snow.
>what do you do?

@captaininvincible, text

[notaquaman]

>crawl into backpack

[maskintape]

you crawl inside the backpack. only there will you be safe from the world. it's like a womb except it's made of like canvas material and wombs don't have zippers as far as you know.
unfortunately you don't fit all the way inside the backpack. after some wriggling around you leave your head and arms sticking out.

SPECIES changed to BACKPACK SNAIL.

>what do you do?

@dickcheese, text;

[headjacked]

>go right back to sleep

[maskintape]

you give up on this crap and go back to sleep. the floor is surprisingly comfortable as you snuggle into it.
you start to dream. in your dream you are seven years old and your old ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BULLY is threatening to flush your head down the toilet. "GIMME YOUR LUNCH MONEY, NERD," he says. this is the worst. why did you think falling asleep was a good idea.

>what do you do?

@wiccandoit, text

[fanboyascended]

Check couch cushions for loose change or idk something horrifying.

[maskintape]

you check the COUCH CUSHIONS. you find several items:

you find FORTY-TWO CENTS.
you find A USED TISSUE.
you find A PRICELESS MING VASE.
you find A LARGE DUSTBUNNY.
you find DENNIS.
you find A GREY SOCK.
you find A SPONGE.
you find CRUMBS OF UNIDENTIFIED ORIGIN.
you find ENLIGHTENMENT.

not a bad haul.
>what do you do?

[termineur]

Despite the fact that this is a little too on-the-nose, I take the staircase. Maybe the second floor is less terrible.

[maskintape]

you head up the STAIRS in search of something that sucks less. boy do you hit the jackpot.

you have reached the SECOND FLOOR.
to the NORTH you see a BOUNCE HOUSE.
to the EAST you see a BALL PIT.
to the SOUTH you see a PETTING ZOO.
to the WEST you see DISNEYLAND.

you aren't sure how all of this fits on the second floor of a crappy run-down house but w/e. it makes about as much sense as anything else around here lbr.
>what do you do?

text; @dreamsnhonor

[heroproceeding]

>yell a lot of obscenities.

then look in the backpack I guess. might as well.

[maskintape]

you start yelling obscenities. "POOP," you say. "BUTTS. FART. WANG." the air turns blue. literally. you suddenly realise what enormous power you have had hidden within you all along.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: [COLORFUL LANGUAGE]
CLASS changed to SWEARMANCER.
SWEARMANCER'S CALL added to ABILITIES.
ROBES OF THE F WORD added to inventory.
CUSSWORD CAP added to inventory.

you look in the BACKPACK. it contains several items:

you find a BAR OF SOAP.
you find an EXPIRED APPLEBEES COUPON.
you find a BIKINI.
you find SUNSCREEN.
you find COOLDUDE SUNGLASSES.

>what do you do?

@Spoiler; text

[spoileralert]

>open the south door

[maskintape]

you open the door to the SOUTH. one METRIC ASSLOAD of SNOW gets blown inside the house. it blocks the door from closing but there's still enough room for you to get outside if you wanna.
you see SOMETHING moving under part of the snow.

SUDDEN URGE TO MAKE SNOW ANGELS added to inventory.

>what do you do?

@LELRIC; text

[armoured]

[Al has missed Tim enough that he's even missed this sort of dumb thing popping up on his tablet. He actually thinks through the options seriously, before typing in his answer.]

I'll pick up the backpack, and then check the window to the north to see what I can see.

[maskintape]

[ Al. Pls. What other reason is there to miss Tim than the stupid shit? GOSH!! ]

you try to pick up the BACKPACK, but it's just too heavy even for a BEEFCAKE like you. huh. weird.
you look out of the WINDOW.
you see SNOW.
you see a WHITE RABBIT. it looks anxious.
>what do you do?

@Aigis; text

[athenashand]

[Hm! This looks interesting. She goes through the other replies and thinks she gets the gist, but...]

HELP

[maskintape]

welcome to TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2
your goal is to have a fun adventure in the snow and hopefully not die
thanks to our Not Actually A Pre-Programmed Game Technology™ the game has branching paths and multiple endings and the experience will be different for everyone who plays
it's p great

useful commands include LOOK, GO [DIRECTION], PICK UP [ITEM] and other such actions
you can also CHECK INVENTORY at any time
basically it's like roleplaying but it's cooler and not exclusively done by groups of nerds on the internet

@SceptredIsle, text

[keepscalm]

>Look inside of the backpack.

[Video games are not England's forte, but he can appreciate the merits of a text-based adventure.]

[maskintape]

you open the BACKPACK. you find several items.
you find a STALE CRUMPET.
you find a TEABAG.
you find a SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF AUSTIN POWERS.
you find a HEART SHAPED LOCKET WITH A PICTURE OF THE QUEEN in it.
you find a SPICE GIRLS CD.
>what do you do?

@Ecks | text

[ecks]

I know it is not my house because I do not have a house and also this is a game and it is fiction

i go into the OPEN DOOR to the EAST

[maskintape]

[ Awww, look. He didn't even have to explain it this time! ]

you go through the DOOR to the EAST.
you are now in a STORAGE ROOM. it's full of STUFF.
you see a BIG PILE OF CARDBOARD BOXES.
you see a CLOSET.
you see BAGS OF TRASH.
you see a SAFE WRAPPED IN CAUTION TAPE.
you see a BEAR TRAP in front of the SAFE.
>what do you do?