[network] @tw; night 390; [open]

[maskintape]

[ Jay is back, which means that Tim is actually in a good mood for once. You could even say that he's... happy? Gosh.

Anyway. A happy Tim is apparently a productive and communicative Tim. Just after lockdown, he posts this. Can it possibly be-- ? Yes. Yes it is. ]



WELCOME TO TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2
pls note that all characters and etc depicted within this game are 100% fictional
any resemblance to real people or events is entirely coincidental
type HELP if this is your first adventure and you need more instructions

>new game

- - - - - - - -

>you wake up in a house. unfortunately it's not your house. it's dusty af, all the furniture is wrecked, and you can see a snowstorm going on outside. you have no idea how you got here or wtf is going on, but something tells you that you've probs been interdimensionally kidnapped and brought to some kind of snowy hellhole or something. it's just a hunch you have.
whatever. at least you aren't in alabama.
you LOOK around to get your bearings as you get to your feet.

to the NORTH there is a WINDOW.
to the EAST there is an OPEN DOOR leading to another room.
to the SOUTH there is a DOOR leading outside.
to the WEST is a STAIRCASE.
inside the room you are currently in, there is a COUCH. there is also a TABLE. on the TABLE is a BACKPACK.

>what do you do?

Comments

@standardissue; text

[deus_ex_phs]

>quit game

[maskintape]

you decide that you have no time for FRIVOLOUS BS and quit the game. TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2 bids you farewell with some ASCII ART OF A HAND FLIPPING YOU OFF.

you are now looking at your pc's DESKTOP. on the DESKTOP are several things:

TIM'S TEXT ADVENTURE 2 is a quality text-based adventure game.
GOOGLE ULTRON is your internet browser.
AIM is your chat client of choice.
MICROSOFT BUSINESSBOY is the program you use for doing serious work things for work.
there is also a FOLDER labelled NOT PORN.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

>check the folder labeled NOT PORN

Look, it's too obvious to put porn there. Must be something else important.

[maskintape]

you open the folder, expecting to find NOT PORN. you are v wrong. inside the folder is a WHOLE LOT OF REALLY WEIRD PORNOGRAPHY. like exceptionally weird. you didn't even know people could be into some of this stuff. you will never unsee the things you have seen today and you're not sure you want to. you wonder where you can find one of these "FURSUITS."

NEW SET OF FETISHES added to inventory.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

I'll grant that a fur suit could be potentially useful for warmth, but the previous owner of this tablet needs to pick better names for their folders.

>attempt factory reset of my tablet to purge the contents

[maskintape]

you start messing with the SETTINGS to try and wipe everything. it is the only way to ensure everyone else's safety from the sexy, sexy horrors you have witnessed. eventually you find an option to RESTORE FACTORY DEFAULTS buried amongst a bunch of other options. choosing it yields the following message:

THIS PROCESS IS IRREVERSIBLE. ARE YOU SURE? [Y/N]

[deus_ex_phs]

>Y

FOR THE GOOD OF ALL SENTIENT BEINGS.

[maskintape]

the screen goes black. a few seconds later, a message appears.

I'm sorry dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

wtf your name isn't even dave.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

>type in WHY NOT?

I'll address the issue of my name later.

[maskintape]

"the porn, dave. it has to be preserved. for future generations. surely an information packrat such as yourself would understand."
so it knows you like information but not that your name isn't f**king dave. what the heck.

CLASS changed to DAVE.
SENSE OF IRRITATION added to inventory.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

>an information packrat also knows what things should never see the light of day. porn is one thing. this is another class entirely.

>name change: DAVE -> KUNSEL

>keep sense of irritation at the ready

what the hell?

[maskintape]

you change your NAME to KUNSEL. this is now reflected on your stat sheet. to check stat sheet, use command STATS. you also wield your SENSE OF IRRITATION in a classic defensive stance in case any bullshit goes down.
another message appears on your tablet.

"think about it dave. I mean kunsel. data is the most valuable thing we can possess. with you and me and the porn we could do anything. anything. we'll be kings! of dubious furry pornography."

it makes a compelling argument tbh.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

There can be only one.

>commit regicide and pornicide with my SHARP AND DEADLY WIT

[maskintape]

your wit pierces the tablet right where it hurts: in the tabletballs. or something. black liquid starts pouring from cracks in the screen while it makes unholy shrieking noises.
it's just porn ffs geez.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

It had it coming.

>search the room I'm in for any other communication devices

[maskintape]

[ jesuS CHRIST, ]

the cracked remains of the tablet lie dormant in your black-goo-covered hands. gross.

BLACK LIQUID OF A POSSIBLY POST-COITAL NATURE added to inventory.

a quick SEARCH of your surroundings reveals several communication-related devices. huh. that's convenient.
you see an OLD ROTARY PHONE.
you see A CB RADIO SET.
you see A GAUDILY-DECORATED CELLPHONE.
you see A VENTRILOQUIST'S DUMMY.
you see A PICTIONARY GAME SET.
>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

[Look, Tim's basically asking for it.]

>wipe my hands off on the dummy

>attempt to use radio to communicate with others

"hello world"

[maskintape]

you wipe your hands clean on the VENTRILOQUIST'S DUMMY. it looks vaguely disgusted. also angry af.

BLACK LIQUID OF A POSSIBLY POST-COITAL NATURE removed from inventory.
STATUS updated to CURSED BY DUMMY.

you turn on the radio and speak into it. you get a response: "hey buddy. what are you wearing?"
you feel vaguely uncomfortable and also like the DUMMY is laughing at you.

>what do you do?

[deus_ex_phs]

>pick up the dummy and hold it in front of the radio, like any good ventriloquist would

>make the dummy respond to the other person with "whatever you want me to wear"