[log] how deep are we gonna go with this?

[bywolves]

Characters: Alfie and Royce
Location: Downtown
Date: Day 292 to Day 295
Summary: Exposure effects, a brief reprieve, and then event shenanigans.
Warnings: Nothing yet, will update if anything comes up.

Starters below!

Comments

[devoutish]

[Do you hear that? That's the sound of Alfie's breaking heart.]

Yeah.

[His fingers tangle in Royce's hair.]

Yeah, I will; yeah.

[bywolves]

Okay.

[ That's all he can get out without losing the battle against the tears that are struggling to get free. He goes quiet, trying to even out his breathing with deep and steady inhales and exhales. He's okay. He knows they probably have time, it's just.

He wouldn't be completely alone, he knows. But he doesn't have a place by the side of anybody else, here. He doesn't want to live the rest of his life being a third wheel. ]

[devoutish]

Ah, Royce.

[As he's trying to wrap Royce up in his arms as well as he can, he remarks:]

I used to be bigger.

[It used to be easier to just engulf him.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce leans into the embrace, eyes still closed. ]

You shrunk. [ Royce mumbles, hiding his face. He's trying not to be depressing but - the poisoning still lurks in him, makes it hard to pull himself back up out of the yawning pit. ] You're going to end up even shorter than me.

[devoutish]

I did shrink. You'll need to shrink, too; I like being bigger than you.

[bywolves]

I like you being bigger than me, too. [ For a lot of reasons. He's joking, here, but his voice is wet. ] People keep mistaking me as the muscle, you know.

[devoutish]

Nah. You're the secret weapon.

[bywolves]

I used to be. [ A long time ago. Royce reaches for Alfie's hand, bread forgotten for the moment. ] Too old to be that anymore.

[devoutish]

Mmmm.

[He squeezes Royce's fingers, trying to reassure him with how firm his grip is.]

Let me ask you something. How often do you worry about this, but not want to tell me about it?

[bywolves]

[ It is decently reassuring. Alfie's old, but he's not quite on his death bed yet, and Royce needs to remember that. ]

A lot. [ Royce sighs out, after a long moment of debating with himself. He sounds exhausted, turning to fuss at both of them, adjusting pillows and blankets and then settling down again, holding on tight. ] Just doesn't hit as hard as it does when it's your birthday.

[devoutish]

Forget that it's my birthday, then. Doesn't matter. We don't have to celebrate.

[bywolves]

[ He laughs, a choked sound that he muffles. ]

You say that like it's easy. But sure. Sure.

[devoutish]

I know that it's not, mate. We don't have to make it worse, is what I'm saying to you.

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ He swallows hard. ]

Sorry. I'm going to avoid thinking about it. [ This isn't the time to pull this, he thinks. Not today. Not to make Alfie feel bad about getting older. A beat, and he presses another kiss to the side of Alfie's head. ] Drink your tea.

[devoutish]

I will. But it's keeping my feet warm, right now.

[bywolves]

Put your feet in my lap. I'll keep them warm. I can boil more water to put in something to keep on your feet, as well.

[devoutish]

[Okay, that sounds like a solid plan. He shifts around so he can pull his legs up without dislodging himself from Royce too much.]

I'll collect you some snow to melt, later.

[bywolves]

We're going to need more matches soon. [ Royce says, shifting to pull Alfie close after he's adjusted his position. He manages to make it comfortable and also keep Alfie's feet cozy in his lap. ] Better?

[devoutish]

Yeah.

[He takes a small sip of the tea.]

Royce.

[bywolves]

Alfie.

[devoutish]

If something happens to me, you're not gonna do anything stupid, are you?

[bywolves]

No. [ Probably. ] It wouldn't make sense to.

[devoutish]

What do you mean, it wouldn't make sense?

cw: suicide reference

[bywolves]

I can't kill myself. And there's nothing else that's stupid enough to do anymore. I'm not looking to make people angry at me, either.

cw: suicide reference

[devoutish]

[A part of him - a big part, if he's honest with himself - wouldn't really be able to be mad at Royce if he did try to off himself. It's not like Alfie hasn't thought about it plenty of times before. And while hearing that he wouldn't should be a relief to hear, the way Royce says it sounds so hopeless. He won't do it, but only because it would be pointless.

He brings Royce's hand up and kisses the back of it, saying nothing.]