[log] Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary [closed]

[jumpthegun]

Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Royce Melborn, Alfie Solomons
Location: Building 29
Date: Night 281
Summary: Team meet-up turns to grieving when Mary is lost to an anomaly.
Warnings: Character death, dissociation, hallucination

[A small shed outside the school, going inside reveals sports equipment is being stored in here. There are hurdles, various sports balls, giant mats, and the like. There's nothing that could be used as a weapon, though, unless you're going to try to hurl a basketball at someone's head. This is the only place on the campus it's possible to stay in overnight.]

Comments

[jumpthegun]

[Mary is dead. Again. Here.

John and Sherlock had done everything they could to drag her away, to protect her, and it hadn't been enough. It was never enough. Major Sholto is blessedly silent, although he sits quietly nearby in the corner of John's vision sometimes. It's not constant, but it's persistent.

He knows he should be comforting Sherlock or Mycroft or checking on Alfie and Royce, but all he can focus on is that monstrous version of Mrs. Hudson grabbing hold of Mary. What could he have done? There had to be something they could have done. And things are starting to feel distant, like he's not quite here.]

[devoutish]

Here you go.

[Alfie hunkers down next to him and tries to shove a cup of chamomile tea into his hands.]

Drink up.

[jumpthegun]

[John takes the cup and drinks mechanically.]

I fell apart without her, Alfie. [And it feels like things are falling apart without her again.] I need whiskey, not tea.

[devoutish]

I haven't got whiskey, so this will have to do.

[He settles on the floor, legs stretched out - leaning on Royce a little, if he's there too.]

You know she might very well be back.

[jumpthegun]

And when we get home? [It's one of the darker places he doesn't let himself stray very often. He's going back to Mary dead and a frantic race to save Sherlock's life.]

[devoutish]

[Alfie's quiet for a moment.]

I wouldn't worry too much about when we get home, mate.

[jumpthegun]

Hmm... just think about getting out. Deal with it later. [There's a certain edge to his tone, and his hands tighten around his cup.]

[devoutish]

Where are you headed after this? You're going for food?

[jumpthegun]

Got food already. Gonna go fetch the microscope where Stephen stored it, cart it over to the new area for use. Maybe set up a cache of medical supplies along the way to go with the food.

[From one task to the next. If he can just stay busy, he doesn't have to focus on anything else. The goal is what's most important, the mission. He can cry for Mary later. He can cry for everyone later.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce didn't know Mary very well, but he does, even past the apathy, care about how it affects John. Especially because she's his wife. And because Royce knows how it feels. He lets John absorb it for a while, and then comes over to John and drops a blanket in his lap.

Royce doesn't say anything, just sort of... guard dogs, sitting next to John with his knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, staring out at the shed. ]

[jumpthegun]

You don't need to. [He does glance over at Royce for a moment.]

[bywolves]

I want to. [ Royce murmurs. ] If you don't want me here, I'll move.

[jumpthegun]

No, it's... fine. [As fine as it can be.] Sorry. We'll leave ahead of you tomorrow.

[bywolves]

Don't apologize. [ Firmly said. ] We're heading into the school, I think. You're going opposite. It works.

[jumpthegun]

Yeah. [He's not sure what to say.] Is your death price still in effect? If it is, might want to stay away from Sherlock. He'll not be in a good way. Might take it out on you.

[bywolves]

Yes.

[ Royce pauses, uncomfortable with the idea of Sherlock trying to take it out on him. He's not sure what he'd do. Can't hurt him. Can't really snap back. He doesn't have the energy, either. ]

Not like I can stop him if he tries.

cw: drug abuse/addiction

[jumpthegun]

No. I'm watching to make sure he doesn't go after any drugs, either. If he looks like he's taking pills, can you let me know?

[howdull]

[He hasn't spoken since he came around.

It's the same thing again, he's too slow to protect the people he cares about, and once again Mary is dead in front of his eyes. Worse, dead in front of John's eyes, like a macabre version of Groundhog Day that neither of them can solve the mystery of. Worse that it was Mrs. Hudson, her usual friendly worried face becoming twisted hatred.

Eventually he makes his way over to John and sits beside him, silent but there.]

[jumpthegun]

[Sherlock's presence is more welcome than some, at least. John doesn't move to lean against him, but the doctor does relax his vigilant guard marginally and lets his head fall back against the wall.]

Still want to grab the microscope and head to the new area. [It's muttered. After the row with Alfie about resting, he just needs to make certain Sherlock is on his side here. Keep working, push through. Give him something to do... people to save.]

[howdull]

Yes.

[It hadn't really been a question, but he answers it as if it had been one. He knows the need to keep moving because he has it too, if he just lets himself stop then he'll break.]

Though we may need to fashion a sledge soon, Mycroft is ill with MN poisoning.

[Has been for a while, but he hasn't hidden it as well as he might have hoped.]

[jumpthegun]

That'll be trouble over the places with debris. I'll keep an eye out for anything we can use, though.

[A pause as John considers what to say. There really isn't much that needs to be said between them, which is the reason Sherlock is John's best friend over Alfie. Well... some things to be said.

'He'll blame himself,' Sholto says.]

This wasn't you. Mary... it was random. She didn't throw herself in front of anyone. It was just... senseless. [That's almost worse. It's harder to understand the point of it.]

[howdull]

I know.

[He doesn't really blame himself this time, though seeing her die again is tangled up with the guilt he feels from her death back home. At least this time it should be impermanent, but then-- isn't her whole life here impermanent too? She'll go back eventually, they all will, and then she'll die.

He scrubs his hand over his face, fingers trembling ever so slightly.]

I suppose Major Sholto told you to say that, at least he's likely reminding you that it's not your fault either.

cw: drugs/drug abuse

[jumpthegun]

[He always knew he'd lose her again. But not like this. He'll lose Sherlock and Mycroft, as well, these versions of them, anyway. None of them are from the same time. That means they're not from the same universe, just parallel ones. If he goes back and he remembers everything...

John has no idea what he'll do. Grieve for the fact he won't see Sherlock for some two years? Jump into things faster with Mary? Avoid the whole debacle of her identity being discovered with a bullet through Sherlock's chest? Stop the whole AGRA business before it starts? Stop her dying?

There are so many things he could fix... and absolutely no one he could tell about it. They might figure out something's off. Sherlock almost certainly will. John can keep a secret, though, when he needs to.]

Said you'd blame yourself, not what to say. [John glances over at the other man.] You're not going to take anything? [Pills, he means. John's aware that he has the Ritalin and that's a little problematic, but ODing on that probably won't be as bad as if Sherlock had some of the narcotics in John's possession.]

cw: drugs/drug abuse

[howdull]

[Unfortunately he doesn't need the narcotics that John has now, not since he covertly picked up his new prescription from the accommodating Dr. Wilson.

A slightly sad smile tugs his lips up; how like John to concern himself with something like that even when deep in his own grief, even when he obviously wants to and would fuel his own alcohol addiction if he had any available. Not going to take anything? No, because he already has, but that's hardly relevant for John to know.]

No. You have my word, nothing stronger than water will pass my lips for the rest of the night.

[He exhales heavily, shakily.]

Sometimes I have to wonder if this place is evidence in favour of God. For what is hell meant to be except repeating the same doomed actions hoping for a better outcome that can never come?

[Mary dies, John suffers, over and over.]

I suppose it's a good thing that the idea of religion is so absurdly abhorrent to the definition of logic that this just makes me more determined to find the truth, hm?

cw: drugs/drug abuse/alcoholism

[jumpthegun]

['Overly specific,' Major Sholto notes.

John's jaw tightens. All he can really do is keep an eye on the other man. He's not going to yell at him about the drugs right now. Not tonight. If John had whiskey, he'd be chugging the bottle.

Look at them, a couple of addicts. It's pathetic.]

Hmm... Any more theories on what the truth is lately?