[log] Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary [closed]

[jumpthegun]

Characters: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Royce Melborn, Alfie Solomons
Location: Building 29
Date: Night 281
Summary: Team meet-up turns to grieving when Mary is lost to an anomaly.
Warnings: Character death, dissociation, hallucination

[A small shed outside the school, going inside reveals sports equipment is being stored in here. There are hurdles, various sports balls, giant mats, and the like. There's nothing that could be used as a weapon, though, unless you're going to try to hurl a basketball at someone's head. This is the only place on the campus it's possible to stay in overnight.]

Comments

cw: drugs/drug abuse

[jumpthegun]

[He always knew he'd lose her again. But not like this. He'll lose Sherlock and Mycroft, as well, these versions of them, anyway. None of them are from the same time. That means they're not from the same universe, just parallel ones. If he goes back and he remembers everything...

John has no idea what he'll do. Grieve for the fact he won't see Sherlock for some two years? Jump into things faster with Mary? Avoid the whole debacle of her identity being discovered with a bullet through Sherlock's chest? Stop the whole AGRA business before it starts? Stop her dying?

There are so many things he could fix... and absolutely no one he could tell about it. They might figure out something's off. Sherlock almost certainly will. John can keep a secret, though, when he needs to.]

Said you'd blame yourself, not what to say. [John glances over at the other man.] You're not going to take anything? [Pills, he means. John's aware that he has the Ritalin and that's a little problematic, but ODing on that probably won't be as bad as if Sherlock had some of the narcotics in John's possession.]

cw: drugs/drug abuse

[howdull]

[Unfortunately he doesn't need the narcotics that John has now, not since he covertly picked up his new prescription from the accommodating Dr. Wilson.

A slightly sad smile tugs his lips up; how like John to concern himself with something like that even when deep in his own grief, even when he obviously wants to and would fuel his own alcohol addiction if he had any available. Not going to take anything? No, because he already has, but that's hardly relevant for John to know.]

No. You have my word, nothing stronger than water will pass my lips for the rest of the night.

[He exhales heavily, shakily.]

Sometimes I have to wonder if this place is evidence in favour of God. For what is hell meant to be except repeating the same doomed actions hoping for a better outcome that can never come?

[Mary dies, John suffers, over and over.]

I suppose it's a good thing that the idea of religion is so absurdly abhorrent to the definition of logic that this just makes me more determined to find the truth, hm?

cw: drugs/drug abuse/alcoholism

[jumpthegun]

['Overly specific,' Major Sholto notes.

John's jaw tightens. All he can really do is keep an eye on the other man. He's not going to yell at him about the drugs right now. Not tonight. If John had whiskey, he'd be chugging the bottle.

Look at them, a couple of addicts. It's pathetic.]

Hmm... Any more theories on what the truth is lately?

cw: drugs/drug abuse/alcoholism

[howdull]

A few, none that I have any strong basis for or would be confident in presenting.

[A tiny smile touches his lips, though there's not a lot of his usual enthusiasm in it considering what they've just witnessed.]

I do have a theory for how we may be able to gain more answers, however, but it won't be possible for a short while. We need the microscope first, and a dead body.

[jumpthegun]

I can get us to the microscope easy enough. Stephen stashed it in one of the houses near Hsiaoke Pass. It'll be easier to bring that to a body than bringing a body to it. D'you want to look at the tissue in the corpses?

[howdull]

I'm still working out the details.

[He doesn't want to talk about it now. John may need to be practical, but even Sherlock isn't insensitive enough to talk about his own planned death for an experiment on the night Mary has died.]

We can head towards the microscope easily enough and, when Mary revives, I can continue alone if necessary.

cw: drugs/drug addiction

[jumpthegun]

[He doesn't want to argue right now about the idea of leaving Sherlock alone. It seems like whenever they're apart, one of them dies at least once. But being with him isn't any guarantee of protection. Look at Mary.]

Okay.

[There should be something more to say, plans to preoccupy himself with. John supposes he can rearrange his pack, maybe discard a few things that really aren't going to be used. He's carrying a lot of weight and maybe if he'd been lighter... maybe.

'What would you want to hear if there's no tomorrow, Watson? Maybe try that.'

John glances toward Sholto before he focuses on the ground for the moment. He's already told Sherlock he's not at fault. They've made plans to be productive. They both know they need to keep moving. What else would he want to hear if it were him?]

I'm glad you're still here, at least. It won't be like last time. [Because John doesn't have access to his vice of choice and can't pull away, mostly. Sherlock's already back on the sweeties, it would seem.] We'll get through it together this time. [And Mary will come back.]

cw: drugs/drug addiction

[howdull]

[A glance off to one side during the silence, obviously listening to something Major Sholto has to say. It's troubling, Quark and Luna have both returned and likely made it known that they don't blame John for what he did, and yet the manifestation of his guilt is still as strong as ever.

No, not quite accurate. Major Sholto is the rational part of him that understands that he shouldn't feel guilty, or at least not as responsible as he does, and John has separated that from himself because he needs to punish himself for those actions. Major Sholto won't disappear until John accepts he did what he had to.

Unlikely.

The psychosomatic limp was simple to cure, this will be harder, but there are some immediate possibilities. It's likely also a symptom of how helpless John feels here, something that goes against his very nature of needing to be useful, so he simply needs to be made to feel useful. To save a life would be the ideal way. He could take another into his confidence but he's loathe to risk a life that isn't his own, not when he's miscalculated so frequently in recent months. Besides, it will have impact if he saves one of the people he's closest to, which would be himself, Mary, Alfie, or Bucky. He won't risk the other three, doesn't even know one of them, and so he's the only option.

Not tonight, though. Tonight would be a foolish option. He will have to wait, probably until Mary has revived.]

Hm?

[Oh, wait. John was speaking, what was he saying? He mentally reviews what he half heard until it comes to him, expression softening slightly.]

This time and every time, John. You're not alone.

[jumpthegun]

[John draws in a sharp breath and bites his lip hard. His hands ball into fists, holding tight enough to put little red crescents into his palms. Crying isn't going to help anything, but he keeps coming close to it. Not alone. He's not alone.

Even if he should be.

It takes a long few moments for John to master himself and beat down the sob that wants to come out.]

Gonna try to sleep. [Try being the operative word here as he shifts to lying down, resting his head on his pack.] Talk to you in the morning.

[howdull]

[He wouldn't have minded if John cried, Sherlock feels a little like doing it himself, but this is probably better.]

Goodnight, John.

[He might sleep later if the morphine hits in too strong, but for now the time alone will let him grieve in his own way.]