[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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@standardissue; video - [private]

[deus_ex_phs]

[If anyone expects Kunsel not to read public conversations, they're setting themselves up for disappointment. That's how Kunsel already knows that Zack doesn't want to talk about this where anyone else can see or listen in. So he's messaging Zack privately, and don't think he'll quit until Zack picks up. Not going to let you ignore his calls this time, buddy. Kunsel knows you're there. Kunsel knows everything.

Except, apparently, not this.]

Come on, Zack, pick up. I'm lonely over here.

audio > private video; @dreamsnhonor

[heroproceeding]

[ Conversation number three.

He'd been waiting for this. It's been inevitable. There's no way Kunsel's not seen his message either although unlike the last two, he'd bided his time- or maybe Zack had just not noticed it until now. Still, he wouldn't be surprised if he had probably suspected the other two to come to him first- and well, they had. They had and now he's just tired and feeling pretty strung out.

Tired enough it takes a long minute before he finally answers, sitting off in the dark away from the other two. ]

Hey. [ There's only the shortest pause before he sighs and ducks his head, running a hand through his oily hair. ] You were the one so insistent on going it alone, you know.. [ But he knows that's not what this conversation is about. ]

perma-video/private

[deus_ex_phs]

Hey, we all agreed that we weren't going to get anywhere if we didn't strike out farther. Doesn't meant I can't miss you guys.

[Truth to tell, he's hardly been alone at all for the past six months. He's gotten used to having someone always at his side.]

Not that I'm not keeping busy. Found a machine to poke around with over here. Haven't figured out what it's for yet.

[Casual conversation feels like a good way to start. Work his way up to where the real problem is.]

[heroproceeding]

[ He has a point and it's not as if he doesn't miss his presence, too. All day, he's found himself wanting to say something to Kunsel and realizing he's not there all over again. That he has to send him a message instead or call or something and while it's never been an issue back when they were in SOLDIER together, here? Here, it feels strange and makes him feel uneasy twice over.

And this... This all isn't helping- ]

Wait- [ Wait. ] you found a machine? Does it work?

[ Most of them haven't, so if this one does... It's honestly some pretty big news. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

[Bingo. Kunsel had figured mentioning his discovery would be a good way to distract Zack from whatever this is that's going on.

And besides, it works nicely with Kunsel's already natural inclination to spill with neat things.]

Well, it's definitely got power. It's asking me for a password. Haven't managed to crack past that part yet.

[heroproceeding]

[ It seems to do the trick. At least for right then. Doesn't erase the lingering unease, but this- this is at least something to work towards and think over without fear clawing at the edges so much. This gets Zack focused. ]

A password... You might have better luck asking Angel for help on that one. You know me with stuff like that.

[deus_ex_phs]

Yeah, Angel's one of the first people I thought to talk to myself. We're working on something right now. Boring, technical stuff. I'll let you know if anything pans out.

In the mean time, I feel like I should point out that you can always talk to me, Zack. Tell me everything.

[heroproceeding]

[ Boring, technical stuff. In other words, a lot of stuff they both know will go right over Zack's head.

Usually, Zack would be appreciative of the fact that Kunsel's not addressing that mumbo jumbo. Right then? He wishes he would. Or anything but-

But that... Zack bites his lip on the other side of the tablet, not saying anything for a long minute. ]

...Or you'll worry even more and make it worse than it is. Yeah... Yeah, I know, Kunsel.

[ There's a 'But' to that tone though, all too distinctly. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

[Normally, Kunsel might very well have gone into more detail. He does have a habit of infodumping, after all. Today, though, he has more important things on his mind.

Sorry, Zack, but you're a little more important than his sword.

Just a little.]

But it's still hard to talk about. I get it.

Doesn't change the fact that you should. I know you, Zack. You don't really keep secrets well. You don't do well when you have to.

[heroproceeding]

dunno bro you sure have been wanting to get your sword some satisfaction man. let him help mmkay

[heroproceeding]

[ Just a little. Only a little?

Only they both know the truth there. And Zack knows that Kunsel's not going to drop this. Sure, he might not force his hand here if he really doesn't want to talk about it. But not before making a point. A fair point. A more than reasonable point.

Sometimes he really hates it when Kunsel's right. Right then's no different. And it's only made worse by feeling like his heart's getting wrung out as soon as he opens his mouth to say- something. He's got to. He owes him that much. ]

..Can't keep anything from you, can I. Not even that.

[ He chews his lip for a little longer before hanging his head, a hand coming up to rub his eyes. ] You.. remember when Cloud came back?

/boots Jodie

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel tilts his head, considering the possible things Zack might be referring to.]

You mean when he turned up again, but remembering things from the future? What about it?

[What bearing does the future have on the here and now?]

ilu Nivi

[heroproceeding]

Not just remembering. He was from the future, Kunsel.

[ Him. Tifa. The both of them had been. Tifa had remembered him but from what he could tell, they hadn't spoken since. Not a strange thought all things considered. Why would she have after what happened at Nibelheim? But Cloud...

Zack finds himself gripping at his coat, frowning down at it. ]

You know what I look like under the hood. You got front seats to it.

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel flat-stares back at Zack, folding his arms for good measure. Something in his gut can tell what Zack's trying to imply to him there, but Kunsel lived in denial for five long years before he ever came here. Good luck trying to break through stubbornness like that.]

You were shot. [Blunt.] So what? You obviously didn't die. What did Cloud tell you?

[heroproceeding]

[ So what? So what, it would be under normal circumstances. So what, if he'd had the magic back then to cure himself or the potions to alleviate the bleeding some at least and some sort of support back then to get him stable fast. Not like they hadn't suffered grievous injuries before. More than a few times, he can remember them both coming back together from a mission with one of them a hot mess. So, of course, it would be a so what.

Except that... Zack bows his head. ]

That it'd been two years. And from the look on his face? He looked like he was seeing a ghost, Kuns.

[deus_ex_phs]

[It's not that Kunsel can't see what Zack is saying, or understand the implications. It's that Kunsel doesn't want those pieces to click together. Not in the way that Zack thinks that they fit.

And why should he believe it? Without hard evidence to the contrary, what's to say that theory is any better than his?]

A lot of people thought you were dead, Zack. Doesn't mean that that was the case. You've been declared KIA before. Don't you remember your medical records? You were listed as critical condition, and that surgery was performed, but not that you had to be revived. And if Cloud still thought you were dead two years later, then maybe you just never make it back to our world before the time he came from.


[For reference, because it's been so long.]

[heroproceeding]

Then, how was it that he didn't act that way with Tifa-?

[ Zack finds himself biting his tongue at that. Talking about Tifa... Maybe not the best thing to bring up. Her and Kunsel- had they ever sorted things out before she..? He's not sure. But if there's anything left unresolved between them, maybe it's better off.. Zack shakes his head in the end. ]

I know what it said, I know they did the same with Genesis and me and Cloud, but..

[ If he really lets himself, he remembers the pain. When too much had become too much and its constant became a numbness from shock. The way his mind fogged up in a way it's never floated away before, losing focus. The hand that reached down from the sky to take him away.. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

But nothing.

[Kunsel crosses his arms, refusing to budge on this.]

Besides, you and I both know how messed up Cloud was when he first got here, before he got over the mako poisoning. Even after he got over it. How much do you think you can trust his memory? How much would Tifa even know? Was she there with you?

[heroproceeding]

No- No, I don't know where Tifa was by then, but from what I understand, she and Cloud knew each other a while. But isn't it weird that she wouldn't know who I was but know him?

[ Because there's no way Zack, himself, would have just left Cloud. Not unless it was under extreme circumstances. This would be one of them. The others... still seem questionable. He would have wanted to stick close with him yet. Would have wanted to make sure he had recovered fully. Make sure he was recovering with someone who understood what had happened and could help him cope with what others had not personally been through.

Zack looks down at the floor. ] I wouldn't just abandon him.

[deus_ex_phs]

It's not weird if you never made it back from here

[He says that last part with blatant emphasis.]

But okay, let's put this another way. We know this place operates on a Multiple Worlds theory, which we've seen evidence of being true. That means alternate timelines to take into account every possibility. There's timelines for timelines for you dying, timelines for you living, and at least one timeline where you were taken to another world entirely. At least one Zack somewhere came here, and even if there are ways to make it back, by this same theory there's got to be at least one Zack who doesn't. So who's to say you're not him?

It's not abandonment, Zack. Not unless you choose it, and I don't know about you, but I sure as hell haven't seen a choice here yet.

[heroproceeding]

O' course, I wouldn't choose that.. [ Not that it makes any difference in the end, does it? Cloud still died. Even in the timeline where he apparently hadn't been pulled there in the degenerative state he was in, he'd still lived two years past only to be pulled into this world and to die yet again.

It might not have been his choice. But it doesn't change the results. Nor does the bleak statement Kunsel makes. It's enough to get Zack looking up sharply. ] So, I either die there or I die here. That doesn't sound too promising a theory whatever way you look at it, Kunsel.

[ And it doesn't feel right either. It doesn't from the moment he reaches up and touches his coat, knowing that underneath those layers are those scars they've both seen. That there's no way he wouldn't have bled out within minutes for how much and how hard he must have been hit. That no one had come to save him because he'd been a sample, so of course, it was him against the world back then. A very lonely world where the only company he'd had had been in a constant state of coma. And when he'd finally come to, it'd been...

Zack slowly shakes his head as he looks away. ] Better off to make the most of it at least.. Get the rest of you out of here. I failed Cloud- him, Tadashi, Hiro. But sure, I won't fail you guys this time.

[ It's impossible to shake the bitterness and Zack curses the moment those words come from his mouth. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

Die here or die there? There's all the difference in the world.

[Kunsel's voice sharpens with stubbornness.]

We both died here, but it didn't stick like it would have if we'd died back there. Whether that's a medical or a magical miracle, I don't care. Not when it means you're still here with me, living and breathing.

[Because he refuses to believe that just because they died, that means they're nothing but zombies now.]

Besides, what the hell good do you think it would do to get the rest of us out of here but not you? I've died, Jim's died - hell, more people here have died than not. If we can get out, so can you. [He reaches out to grip Zack by the arms, hard.] And don't you dare take all the blame on yourself. You weren't the only one there!

OH GOD I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW LONG I BLANKED ON THIS I'M SORRY

[heroproceeding]

[ It's takes Kunsel gripping as hard as he does to Zack's arms for Zack to finally look back at Kunsel if not without a wince first. Kunsel's grip is harsh and unrelenting, just as stubborn as his words. Zack still doesn't say anything for a full minute as he searches his best friend's eyes. As he just tries and fails and tries again to come up with something to say to all of that.

Because he's considered that, too. That if they die there, that maybe that will account for the permanent end for them as well. That maybe it's not just him that will suffer that fate but Kunsel and Jim, too. That Zell could very well end up in the same boat if something were to happen to him and he were to die in town, too.

Zack slowly lowers his gaze in the end. ] ..I know I wasn't the only one there in the end. I know- I just.. [ He trails off again and just shakes his head. ] Listen, I don't wanna be right. I don't want it to be the end all after this. I don't wanna think I have no future outside of here. I already lost five years in a lab when I could'a been spending that with you an' Aerith an' everyone else..

It's okay. Zack's *supposed* to be a deadbeat about replying

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel's hold remains tight, unwilling to relent, to hint that he's even remotely inclined to give up.]

Then don't. Don't think like that.

[His other hand reaches out to tap the side of Zack's head.]

They taught us when they trained us as SOLDIERs. Our limitations are only up here. The way we think has more to do with how we perform than even our SOLDIER enhancements.

RUDE AS FUCK <3

[heroproceeding]

[ The way they think won't stop death. It's a thought that strays into his mind as soon as Kunsel says that. It's also a thought that stays on the tip of his tongue. That he snags and holds down just as his companion remains holding to his arms and Zack shakes his head a little too hard in the end.

Tries for a smile but it ends up as more of a grimace despite himself. ] Pretty sure between us that's always been more your strength than mine.

[ He's always just done. Always until he had to think.

Until he had to think of all the wrongs in the world and all those specifically that had wronged him and now how the hell to deal with all that's wrong in this town and everything out of wack and now there's this and he'd always accepted he'd die at some point- always figured he'd go out with a bang and joked about dying young and a badass.

Just never hoped it would end up true.

Never realized there would be something he'd want past SOLDIER.

His one hand's coming up now though. Gripping one of Kunsel's hands tight in turn. ] But I haven't- I'm not gonna let it stop me.