[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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[deus_ex_phs]

It's not weird if you never made it back from here

[He says that last part with blatant emphasis.]

But okay, let's put this another way. We know this place operates on a Multiple Worlds theory, which we've seen evidence of being true. That means alternate timelines to take into account every possibility. There's timelines for timelines for you dying, timelines for you living, and at least one timeline where you were taken to another world entirely. At least one Zack somewhere came here, and even if there are ways to make it back, by this same theory there's got to be at least one Zack who doesn't. So who's to say you're not him?

It's not abandonment, Zack. Not unless you choose it, and I don't know about you, but I sure as hell haven't seen a choice here yet.

[heroproceeding]

O' course, I wouldn't choose that.. [ Not that it makes any difference in the end, does it? Cloud still died. Even in the timeline where he apparently hadn't been pulled there in the degenerative state he was in, he'd still lived two years past only to be pulled into this world and to die yet again.

It might not have been his choice. But it doesn't change the results. Nor does the bleak statement Kunsel makes. It's enough to get Zack looking up sharply. ] So, I either die there or I die here. That doesn't sound too promising a theory whatever way you look at it, Kunsel.

[ And it doesn't feel right either. It doesn't from the moment he reaches up and touches his coat, knowing that underneath those layers are those scars they've both seen. That there's no way he wouldn't have bled out within minutes for how much and how hard he must have been hit. That no one had come to save him because he'd been a sample, so of course, it was him against the world back then. A very lonely world where the only company he'd had had been in a constant state of coma. And when he'd finally come to, it'd been...

Zack slowly shakes his head as he looks away. ] Better off to make the most of it at least.. Get the rest of you out of here. I failed Cloud- him, Tadashi, Hiro. But sure, I won't fail you guys this time.

[ It's impossible to shake the bitterness and Zack curses the moment those words come from his mouth. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

Die here or die there? There's all the difference in the world.

[Kunsel's voice sharpens with stubbornness.]

We both died here, but it didn't stick like it would have if we'd died back there. Whether that's a medical or a magical miracle, I don't care. Not when it means you're still here with me, living and breathing.

[Because he refuses to believe that just because they died, that means they're nothing but zombies now.]

Besides, what the hell good do you think it would do to get the rest of us out of here but not you? I've died, Jim's died - hell, more people here have died than not. If we can get out, so can you. [He reaches out to grip Zack by the arms, hard.] And don't you dare take all the blame on yourself. You weren't the only one there!

OH GOD I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW LONG I BLANKED ON THIS I'M SORRY

[heroproceeding]

[ It's takes Kunsel gripping as hard as he does to Zack's arms for Zack to finally look back at Kunsel if not without a wince first. Kunsel's grip is harsh and unrelenting, just as stubborn as his words. Zack still doesn't say anything for a full minute as he searches his best friend's eyes. As he just tries and fails and tries again to come up with something to say to all of that.

Because he's considered that, too. That if they die there, that maybe that will account for the permanent end for them as well. That maybe it's not just him that will suffer that fate but Kunsel and Jim, too. That Zell could very well end up in the same boat if something were to happen to him and he were to die in town, too.

Zack slowly lowers his gaze in the end. ] ..I know I wasn't the only one there in the end. I know- I just.. [ He trails off again and just shakes his head. ] Listen, I don't wanna be right. I don't want it to be the end all after this. I don't wanna think I have no future outside of here. I already lost five years in a lab when I could'a been spending that with you an' Aerith an' everyone else..

It's okay. Zack's *supposed* to be a deadbeat about replying

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel's hold remains tight, unwilling to relent, to hint that he's even remotely inclined to give up.]

Then don't. Don't think like that.

[His other hand reaches out to tap the side of Zack's head.]

They taught us when they trained us as SOLDIERs. Our limitations are only up here. The way we think has more to do with how we perform than even our SOLDIER enhancements.

RUDE AS FUCK <3

[heroproceeding]

[ The way they think won't stop death. It's a thought that strays into his mind as soon as Kunsel says that. It's also a thought that stays on the tip of his tongue. That he snags and holds down just as his companion remains holding to his arms and Zack shakes his head a little too hard in the end.

Tries for a smile but it ends up as more of a grimace despite himself. ] Pretty sure between us that's always been more your strength than mine.

[ He's always just done. Always until he had to think.

Until he had to think of all the wrongs in the world and all those specifically that had wronged him and now how the hell to deal with all that's wrong in this town and everything out of wack and now there's this and he'd always accepted he'd die at some point- always figured he'd go out with a bang and joked about dying young and a badass.

Just never hoped it would end up true.

Never realized there would be something he'd want past SOLDIER.

His one hand's coming up now though. Gripping one of Kunsel's hands tight in turn. ] But I haven't- I'm not gonna let it stop me.

Did I lie?

[deus_ex_phs]

Well, you know what they say if you're not strong enough...

[Train more, train more, train more, until you are strong enough.

Or get some backup to assist.]

But good. That's what I wanted to hear.

[He squeezes Zack's hand reassuringly before he lets it go, then gestures at Zack's still-active tablet.]

Now, you ready to call it a night? Or are you going to turn into me?

YOU DID NOT BUT YOU'RE STILL A BUTT.

[heroproceeding]

...I don't think the world's ready for two Kunsels.

[ The joke's slowly admitted and maybe a little halfhearted. But Zack at least tries for a smile this time as he decidedly stuffs his tablet in his pocket. Nothing more will come of that night that will be good, he knows, if he stays on it. He should... probably get some rest. Or at the very least try to.

He doubts he will. He's in for a long, sleepless night probably. But.. he slings an arm around Kunsel's shoulders all the same, closing his eyes. ] ..I know it's probably selfish of me to say this. I mean it's hell here, but.. I'm glad I can face it with you.

[ Him, Zell, Jim, and his other friends there, too. Even if he really has no future in the end, he'll at least have had them. ]

<3

[deus_ex_phs]

[Sleep will always be difficult to find here, and there's no guarantee that Kunsel will find much of it either. Even so, he's content to close his eyes and just appreciate what he has - and no, he's not just talking about the shared warmth.]

Go ahead and be selfish, Zack. Rather be here with you in hell than back home anyway.

[Because that was its own hell in a way, never knowing what happened to his friend.]