snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

In my experience, we just sorta keep on throwing ourselves at stuff until something happens. If it turns out 'right,' awesome-- if not, you give it another shot and see what you can do with what you get. [ There's the quiet rustle of fabric as he tries to get comfortable, although it doesn't do much good. ] It's a lot of working at it. Whatever...it is.

So you're confused, scared, all that crap. That's all part of the package, buddy-- was somewhere in the fine print. And we all do things that hurt people some way or another, intentional or not. [ He shrugs, but...audio. The gesture doesn't exactly come across well. ] What you do in spite of that's the important part, even if you don't know how it's gonna turn out. You could regret your mistakes forever and basically have an infinite pity party, but that's not real fun to do. Or...useful. Now, if you learn from it? That's a whole different story.

What is there to be learned from this? That after serving since the beginning of time all it takes for me to stray is one man telling me that what I'm doing is unfair? It's always been unfair.

[ That is also very much something he did not intend to say. He stops abruptly to think about it - that's not what he really thinks, is it? No, not exactly, not entirely, but to some degree... ]

Or at least, I have done things that I did not agree with in the past, and they all turned out to plan. [ More or less. ] Some of them were far worse than this. Why was this my breaking point?

Luck, maybe. Judging by where we're at right now, I'd say it's probably bad luck, but who knows? Maybe there's a silver li-- y'know what, I can't even actually say it. [ This place sucks, and he's pretty salty about it. ] Anyway, just-- yeah.
Sometimes things happen and there's not much of an explanation. Does it matter if we're the one doing 'em? Not really, 'cause everybody has their moments of doing rather than thinking about it. Sure, it might not be acting on impulse, but it's been known to happen before.

[ Still, he gets the feeling that...Cas probably wasn't talking about a mere flight of fancy. The guy seems a little riled up, for lack of a better word. ]

Might also be that somewhere, you disagreed with whatever was going on all along? That one guy was your tipping point or something. 'Course, I'm not trying to make you doubt yourself or anything. [ for once ] Just trying to get a feel for what's on the table.

So I've always been a traitor.

[ He's not being snippy or sarcastic or trying to blame Vasquez in any way - more musing on the realization out loud now that it's come to him. This explanation genuinely makes sense to him and was one he would've reached on his own sooner or later. ]

I've just been looking for an excuse all this time.

[ Sorry Vasquez, but it doesn't look like this pity party's going to be getting any less infinite any time soon. ]

More of a 'conscientious objector' thing, sounds like. Although I guess you can call it that, but whether or not you betrayed anything really depends on how down for it you were in the first place. If your higher-ups were always doing things you didn't agree with, the only understandable response is to try and change it somewhere down the line.
[ Castiel didn't quite turn things in an upward direction, but Vasquez certainly isn't going to knock him for it. Most everybody gets a free pass tonight. ]

And it's not an 'excuse,' buddy. Like you said, it's a breaking point-- that guy came along at just the right time with just the right plan, and it felt like the best thing you could do to fix what didn't sit right with you. So what if it didn't work out? Some people could say you're more in line with whatever kind of Heavenly standards because you wanted to make a difference. Empathy, sympathy, all that-- pretty important to, like, anybody who doesn't want to have a shit life.
Problem is, you can't win 'em all-- but you do get to try again.
[ Vasquez is, in essence, bullshitting real hard right now. He kinda does want to help, but comfort has never been his strong suit. ]

It would be arrogant to the highest degree for a soldier such as myself to claim to know God's will better than His first.

[ But that's just what the Archangels would want the rest of the Host to think, if it was their aim to gain control. He realizes this even as he says it, and frowns, deeply. Did God ever issue edicts through them before Lucifer's fall and his retreat into seclusion? Is he seeing conspiracies where there were none? How far back does this go? ]

What is a 'conscientious objector'? [ It sounds like an important term. ]

Edited 2017-03-22 04:11 (UTC)

You still have a brain, don't you? You can think for yourself sometimes, y'know. [ He scoffs. ] Just because somebody's a higher rank than you are doesn't mean they know shit. Take my former boss, for example-- there's a reason why I got his job.
[ That reason was murder, but shhh. Shhhhhhh. ]
People call it arrogance when they know you're right and they're wrong, buddy. It's a way to try and shut you up by making you out to be the bad guy.

[ Okay, so-- this guy was clueless on a few more things than expected. He could work with that. It was just a little explanation, after all! What was the worst that could happen? ]
Means that because you have a conscience, you object to...something. Usually military stuff, but I've seen it used elsewhere before-- although that would fit you without much modification, wouldn't it.

[ Castiel almost points out that he doesn't have a brain, but he's learned his lesson about taking human references to anatomy literally from Ginger already. The brain is the center of consciousness - he's asking if he is a thinking being. ]

So you can just... question your commanders? Openly, and with the chance that they or their commanders may listen?

Yyyyyeah. Sometimes it just gums things up, but people do have good ideas every now and again. Never hurts to keep an ear out, 'cause you never know what you're gonna get.
[ And that's usually when you take the good ideas and claim them as your own for extra points with your boss! It's a foolproof system, guaranteed to make you the most popular guy at company parties. ]

I'm guessing you didn't have anything like that, judging by the fact that you keep asking how it works. It's not like I'm telling you one of the big secrets of the world, it's just-- how things work with people? Kind of a thing that gets taken for granted, apparently.
[ This is...a pretty solid reminder that this dude's not people, though. Castiel is something different, which accounts for the general confusion with stuff like the current conversation. Vasquez gives a distracted hum, barely audible over the mic. ]

You're pretty new to this stuff, aren't you. Not Snowhell, this whole...uh, human thing.

No. All soldiers of Heaven are meant to obey the will of God. [ Or whoever could make the strongest claim to being His proxy. Castiel can't believe the thought never occurred to him before, but the thought of the archangels lying about their Father's plan and passing off their own words as his had just been so unthinkable. It's still very unthinkable. He can only consider it at all because the alternative is that much worse. ]

Up until very recently my duties only rarely put me in contact with humans, yes. I'm told it's a little obvious.

Sounds like a pretty shitty job, buddy. Bet your benefits package sucks. [ He's mostly joking, if the snort is any indication. ] How many vacation days do you even get? One at the end of the world?

It...kinda is. Which makes this conversation way weirder, if we focus on that part at all? 'Cause you're, whatever. Gonna guess some kind of angel...? Correct me if I'm wrong. [ Or somebody who's very very good at acting, but Vasquez isn't going to discount the angel option considering what he knows about Norfinbury's current population. ]
Not the point, though. You'll get it down eventually with a little practice. Probably.
[ does that count as a vote of confidence or ]

Some kind of angel, yes. [ His tone is wry and heavily implies 'a bad one'. Congratulations, Vasquez, you've successfully managed to get Castiel to make something approaching a joke. ]

In theory we're supposed to rest on the Shabbat each week, but with the disagreement over which day was the holy day and the later invention of time zones it became somewhat confused and impractical. [ This, on the other hand, is dead serious. ]

[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

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