[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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Comments

@Spoiler ; video

[spoileralert]

That's exactly what it's like to be human.

But wanting to believe in the impossible, that's pretty human too. And it's a choice, one that you made.

audio

[godsspeed]

It was a bad choice. [ He sounds a little bit petulant. ] I'm not human. It's not my place to act like one.

[ He doesn't mean to give voice to what he says next. It just sort of happens. ]

I worry that is why I'm being punished in this way. I've been made as fragile and fleeting as you because I thought like you. Filled with doubt and misguided hope.

... Apologies. That's. That's not what I meant to say.

audio

[spoileralert]

[ She makes a sound that might be a laugh or a sigh. ]

That's been going around. Don't worry about it. I'm well aware of how fragile and fleeting people are.

[godsspeed]

Don't mistake my meaning. I find humankind to be beautiful, in a way that is rarely surpassed in all the rest of creation. But until now I had no way of understanding just how delicate your lives are. Seeing it is one thing. Being it is another. It's terrifying. I worry that I won't be able to endure it.

cw: suicide

[spoileralert]

Honestly, I think I understand both sides of that. I mean, humanity can be terrible. But it can be beautiful too. And being human... here, especially, it's... it's so hard. I--

[ She had a plan in her head of what she was going to say, but it kind of flies out the window. ]

I'm scared I can't endure it either. I'm scared I might kill myself again.

cw: suicide

[godsspeed]

Oh. [ On the bright side, that snaps him out of his self-pity at least part-way. ] I am sorry to hear it came to that, for you.

[ What should he say here? He's heard the same fear sent up in prayer time and time again, but it's never been his responsibility or even within his power to answer. All he or anyone else could do was listen.

Wait. ]

I don't know if anything I say or do will help, but if you ever need to talk about it, I am here. I'm good at listening, at least. [ He's had a lot of practice. ]

cw: suicide

[spoileralert]

[ She rubs her neck, feeling very awkward. ]

Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I guess it's just... good to have it out there, maybe?

[godsspeed]

It's "been going around". [ He's not absolutely sure he's using the phrase correctly, but it's what she said to reassure him when he said something he didn't mean to. ]

Some people find simply telling their problems to another can be helpful. Even if they receive no response, or any confirmation that anyone is there to hear them at all. I don't know that this will be the case for you, but. It is something. You are not alone.

[spoileralert]

[ She smiles, just a little. It's as comforting as it is amusing to have her own words thrown back at her. ]

I don't think it would mean much if nobody heard. It'd be just the same as not saying anything at all, you know?

[godsspeed]

I'm not sure. I don't understand it myself. [ Angels don't really have feelings in the same way humans do. They just weren't built for it. ] But people have been speaking to us even when they weren't sure we existed at all for thousands of years. Some manage to take solace in it even without knowing.

[spoileralert]

True.

[ At least, she assumes it's true, from what she knows about people and religion in general. ]

Maybe I'm just not built that way.

[godsspeed]

I understand. I've never felt more lost than I do here, knowing that my brothers and sisters cannot hear me. [ Again, not what he meant to say. But he's getting used to the idea that this is just how conversation is going to have to work for tonight. ]

But we can speak and listen to each other, at least. That must count for something.

[spoileralert]

Not being alone always counts for something.

[ So says the one who's petrified of being alone. ]