snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[Quark's eyes don't reach the camera. He has the tablet resting on his legs, but he seems too busy looking at his hands to face anyone who might respond to him. He doesn't even know why he's talking about all of this. He just...can't seem to stop.]

I think I'm going to die when I get back home, in the Nonary Game. I'm so afraid of that. I don't know where it's better for me to be...I'm not safe in Norfinbury, but I'm not safe there, either. I saw all these visions of the future...and they were so real. It happened months ago, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I try not to, but then I imagine blowing up, and getting sick, and killing myself. Usually with a scalpel. They're different timelines, I guess...I didn't understand that before, but things are different now. Norfinbury's made it all more clear. And I'm pretty sure I'm in one of the bad timelines. Or I'm going to be.

[He takes off his hat and runs his hands through his hair, practically pulling it out.]

I don't trust anyone or anything anymore.

Edited 2017-03-12 06:50 (UTC)

Damn.

[Her voice is quiet, and underneath her usual deadpan, there's a hint of laughter, the kind of helpless laughter you do when you really can't do anything else.]

Hadn't realized you'd figured out that much.

So it's true? I thought so.

[His eyes seem to get a far-away look.]

I wanted to talk to Miss Luna about it, but she had a lot going on. She was keeping all these secrets, like being a robot. I didn't want to bother her about it, since she was so upset, so I just pretended not to know.

That... was actually pretty sweet of you.

[She sighs softly.]

But yeah. I can't say for sure about what timeline you're on, but that's about the most of it.

I miss her. I wish I could have told her that I like her no matter what she's done.

[His eyes start to water with tears, but he wipes them away, blinking quickly.]

I have to go back either way, don't I?

[She pauses for a moment, sighs.]

Not necessarily.

Assuming the theory keeps holding true, everything - every decision - causes a split in the timelines, one where one thing happens, and another where it doesn't. So in all likelihood there's a timeline where none of this happened. Where none of us were brought to Norfinbury, and our timeline progresses as it should.

[...]

It's something I've been trying to remember. Even though being in one of the "bad" timelines isn't exactly too appealing for me either.

Wow...

[It's all so much. But he gets it, he thinks. And it makes sense. It makes it feel a bit less pressing and awful.]

So even if either of us is or was from a "good" timeline, choosing not to come back wouldn't really matter, because in another timeline we'd make the opposite choice? It sounds like it might be better just to cut our losses.

["Screw it" is becoming a more and more appealing choice]

Edited (I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE I MESSED IT UP) 2017-03-15 23:36 (UTC)

[Well. Fuck.]

you shouldn't trust anyone or anything here
they've been screwing with our senses from the start
and there's no guarantee all of us are real

i don't think we're getting out of here, kid
if we do
maybe you can just go to a different universe
screw the one you came from

That's true.

[He can't argue with it.]

But it's nice to at least have people around you that you don't think might stab you in the back if you aren't careful.

[He feels like being a kid is the only reason it hasn't been worse for him. Even some of the more violent people don't want that on their conscience.]

I feel bad considering abandoning everyone from my world...but I'd really just be abandoning a timeline that's already kind of screwed. So what's the point?

[Yeah. It's nice to have those people...]

those kinds of people are predisposed to dying permanently
don't get your hopes up

there isn't one
if most of them are like moona
you don't owe them squat
find someone you like
and think about hitching a ride to their universe, kid
fewer nuclear winters
and crazy suicide diseases

[He knows this is not something that he should ask. Still, it comes out before he can stop it.]

What about yours?

[It takes a while for House to respond. He doesn't want to want it, but Christ, if he doesn't want it... Wilson's liable to get divorced soon. Maybe he'd look forward to having a kid to take care of.]

there are fewer nuclear winters
and crazy suicide diseases
it's one option

[He wants to leave it at that, but his fingers keep going.]

i'm crap at taking care of other people
but i've got a friend who could help 'til you're old enough
wilson
he'd help
cuddy, too
but you don't even know her

Edited 2017-03-20 05:25 (UTC)

I remember both of them.

[Wilson because he was here, if only briefly, and Cuddy because she was in House's dream.]

Dr. Cameron is there too, right?

[It's still a little uncomfortable that Quark was in his dreams like that.]

yeah
cameron'd probably look out for you
i've got my other fellows, too
they don't usually let kids just hang around the hospital, though
ever been to school?

What other fellows?

[He shakes his head.]

No. No school. There aren't really enough kids around where I live to fill a whole school.

chase and foreman
they work in my department with cameron
wilson's in oncology
and cuddy's the hospital admin
not like eve
cuddy isn't all-seeing
whatever she wants to think she is

we'll have to catch you up on classes, then
most of the early crap is easy, anyway
you can figure it out

I'm guessing Cuddy doesn't have a legion of robotic spider-minions either.

[He's not sure whether or not he's actually up for sassy jokes right now, but it comes out easy.]

I bet I'd be good at statistics. But that's not one of the early crappy classes, is it?

nope!
just interns

[House will cling to the sassy jokes. This isn't a serious consideration. They're not actually planning out for this possibility. It's just joking around.]

stats comes in somewhere in the middle school
how are you at algebra?

I'll take you back with me if you want. I'm sure we can figure out how! [America doesn't know how to make Quark's fears better, since as far as he can tell they're things he should really be scared of, so this is the best he can offer.] You wouldn't be able to live with me but I'd be able to set you up with a great place.

Really?

[A look of hope fills his face for a second, but it quickly fades again.]

Because I'm your citizen, right? What if I wasn't?

[He doesn't hold America's status as a country against him...but he has to wonder. If he was just some random kid, would he be offering?]

[America hates seeing the way that hope goes away.] You still could! Promise! [He means it, though it's impossible for him to dissociate Quark from being a citizen in his mind.]

[ Children. It's always children. It has always been children, in all the eons he's been alive, in all the thousands of years he's spent in the mortal realms. It's always the children. ]

I will not tell you that dying isn't terrible. But death is gentle. The Black God is kind, and he will welcome you to the Peaceful Realms whenever your time comes. It is an end, but there will be new beginnings as well.

The Black God? Is he like your world's version of the Grim Reaper?

[He asks with more curiosity than anything else. Quark wasn't raised with any particular influence concerning religions or mythologies, so he only knows so much as he's found out himself through reading and conversation.]

I know it's not shameful to be afraid of death or dying, but...I just don't want to die before I've had the chance to do something good with my life.

[He wants to make a difference. And he doesn't want to be alone when it happens.]

[ He doesn't know what the Grim Reaper is but he's assuming yes? ]

That is understandable. And quite a reasonable perspective for one so young.

[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

@quark; video (cw: talk of suicide and death)

@expostfacto; voice

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@hotstud_xxx; text

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cw: mention of suicide

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@starspangledhero; voice

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@Iwillnot ; video

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