[network] @zachtastic; day 154; end of the tunnel [filtered to Kesara and Steph] [cw: death talk]

[majorlazer]

[It wasn't even waking up in a bag with a sharp, loud intake of breath that reverberated in his ears. It wasn't even that, when he finally managed to stumble out of the body bag, he fell right off the table and to the floor. It wasn't even that he couldn't find his backpack, that there was nothing lying around as he fumbled, sweat beading on his brow as panic increased.

No. It wasn't any of that. It wasn't the memories of his dying again - he clawed a little at his chest, but here it is all was, his organs inside his body and his skin intact, no concrete anywhere. It wasn't the cold, the strange feeling making him woozy, the sound of the wind whipping inside the building from cracks in the walls.

It was the darkness.

Complete, intense pitch-black darkness. Zach brought his hand up, trying to see his fingers, and he couldn't, he couldn't. He rubbed at his eyes, pressing his fingers to them, just to make sure - they were still there, still inside his skull, just. Not working.

Panic seized up his muscles, making him forcefully sit down again, fingers closing and opening over his knees as he rocked back and forth, trying to see, trying to see anything.

Nothing.

He stayed like that for a while. For a long time, he sat and searched and came up empty, and tried to stop the rise of bile up his throat, swallowing repeatedly against the nausea. He doesn't know how long he was out of it, how long he just sat there and tried to see, until his mind allowed another thought through the panic and despair.

Shit, shit shit shit, is Steph okay, is Kesara okay, did they find each other, shit. At least, Zach still has his tablet, and he feels his fingers shake as he holds it, taking some time to figure out the voice commands before being able to send a filtered message, private to both Steph and Kesara.]

[private; audio]

Are you - are you okay? I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know where I am, I can't - [His voice breaks, trembles, the words coming out jagged, feeling like shards of glass slashing at his mouth.]

I can't see.

Comments

@Spoiler ; audio

[spoileralert]

[ Steph needs a minute, because she has to break down sobbing. She's so relieved. When she finally turns on the feed she's still red faced, so she keeps it to video. Just because he can't see now doesn't mean he won't look back at this later. ]

God, Zach. I'm fine, I'm great. It's okay, just... feel around? See if you can recognize anything.

[majorlazer]

[Zach can hear it in her voice, the relief and the tears and it breaks his heart, but at the same time - she's alive, she's okay, she didn't die. His heart is pounding, like it's trying to beat right out of his chest. Man, what he'd give to be able to look at her right now.]

Yeah, yeah I'm - [He lets out a loud, loud breath, his whole body giving out a bit, shoulders slumping as his eyes sting with tears.] I'm so glad you're okay. Jesus, I thought - I wasn't sure - [Another breath, trying to get his thoughts in order] Okay. Okay - how long has it been? Have you met up with Kesara?

[spoileralert]

Just two days. I didn't get far, I was stuck in the shed all yesterday. We'll figure out where you are and I'll come get you, okay?

[ She knows that wasn't the original plan, but: ]

It'll be faster going if I'm not carrying two people worth of gear, and you're going to need food.

[majorlazer]

No - get to Kes, yeah? She needs the food, and I don't know if she's safe, right now.

[He also needs food, but maybe he can find something or someone on the way, that will help. Right now, he's too nauseous to even think about it. And as he thought, she's carrying his stuff, making him frown, running a hand through his hair.]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I - I didn't mean to - [To what? Die? Of course he didn't, and he's sure she knows. He just can't shake the panic, making it impossible to think straight.]

[spoileralert]

Just keep breathing, Zach. Kes is fine. You'd catch up to me before I reached her anyway, and you might starve in the process. I'll find you and we can go together. I'll get there just as fast and you won't be alone.

switch to video

[majorlazer]

[Zach forces himself to get up, hand in front of him until he reaches a wall, feeling around. He turns the video on, hoping he doesn't have the tablet completely askew.]

I guess - I guess if I never see anything again, yours was the last face I saw.[He's keeping the memory in his head, her smile and her eyes and her hands and it makes it want to cry all over again, makes him angry, that this place would take this away from him.]

Can you tell what place this is? It feels...I don't know, it must be a morgue or something, right? Not the chapel.

still audio :'(

[spoileralert]

[ She covers a sob with her hand. She can't help but remember the last time he saw her, face contorted with helpless misery, covered in his blood. She can't help but remember him, so pale and confused and bloody himself. ]

I... I don't recognize it. Move it around a little more?

[majorlazer]

[He does, spinning around with the tablet held out. He hopes it's not showing his face. Although maybe she'd like to see it, it's just...he's not sure what he looks like right now.]

Still nothing?

[spoileralert]

[ She'd love to see him, but she'd rather see him looking into her eyes, smiling. ]

Nothing familiar. I see some... It might be a police station? Something like that?

[majorlazer]

Okay. I'll just - I'll keep going.

[He switches the camera off, turning back to audio. For some reason, it feels easier. He keeps on feeling along the walls, getting to the doorway, with stairs. Okay. Somewhere to go, at least.]

Steph, I. [Taking a breath, he leans his forehead against the cold wall. Trying to find some humor in it, because, after all, he's alive.] I'm sorry I didn't keep up my end of the bargain. I guess that means I'm not getting any more kisses, huh?

[spoileralert]

[ She gives a pathetic little gasp of a laugh. ]

That deal was only for the last time. Now we can have a new one. You get to back to me in one piece, and...

Just a kiss seems like a pretty weak prize, now. How about I let you do whatever you want?

[majorlazer]

[Zach lets out a low chuckles, then, under his breath:] Damn. You know how to make a guy want to stay alive and kicking.

[He closes his eyes. Even without being able to see, it feels easier to conjure up images of her when he's closing them.]

Where are you, exactly? I've just found some stairs so I'm going up. I hope there's something up there that tells me where I am.

[spoileralert]

I'm, uh. Stuck in the shed.

@hsiaoke; voice; the tealest of deer SORRY

[heavensreader]

[It had been impossible to travel that day. Kesara spent the day in the silent house, the house where even the wind couldn't be heard when the door was shut. She spent that night sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest, still and unmoving as the tears ran and ran down her face.

In the morning she slept, an exhausted sleep full of nightmares about falling. She fell through the floor of the pass a hundred time. Sometimes Zach fell with her. Sometimes she fell away before she could catch his hand and take him with her, as though to fall was safer than to stay. Sometimes she fell and found him next to her where she landed, already broken and cold, lifeless eyes staring outwards. She woke up screaming and then things were worse.

By midday, trapped in the silence, her grief became rage. She went around the house yelling and kicking at furniture like a child half her age. She flung her tablet repeatedly against the wall. She stood by the window and bellowed hateful words at the snow-blanketed world outside and hated it so much more for its silence. All pointless, of course, until she chanced on the idea of directing her fury at the admin. The idea gave her direction, a sense of control at least of her own purpose. She sat down to compose the most venomous message she could possibly piece together.

And that is when his voice comes through.

Kesara stops. Everything stops. She holds the tablet up to eye level and stares at it. Her hands shake, but her whole body feels frozen. Then her lips begin to move. No sound at first, only over and over, don't be a trick don't be a trick -]

Don't be a trick. [It slips out, a tiny whimpering hiccough.] Please, Zach, is it really you?

oh baby ;___;

[majorlazer]

[Zach's stomach drops when he hears her voice, all broken and sad, full of tears. They spring to his eyes as well, and he bites his lips almost raw, still scratching the back of his hand before he switches the feed to video, hoping he's at least sort of looking in the right direction.]

[switch to video]

It's me, it's no trick, I'm back, Kes, I'm here.

[He brushes tears off his cheeks, swallowing thickly.]

I'm back. I'm sorry - I'm so sorry.

[heavensreader]

[It's him, it's his face - the eyes move the way blind eyes do, and it hurts her to look and she's glad he can't see what a horrid mess of tears she is - and she has to be careful because it might be a trick but her stomach twists itself in knots and the knots keep dissolving into delirious relief and she can't think in any sensible way at all. She gives another hiccough, and a gasping swallow, and she starts to laugh and cry all at once.]

It is you! I see you, you're alive!

[He came back to her. She knows it was only luck and only Norfinbury but he's hers and he came back to her.]

Listen to my voice! I won't stop talking so don't be afraid and listen to my voice. Show me where you are! I know the town, I'll help you!

[majorlazer]

[He listens to her voice. He listens hard, intently, determined. He's going to find his way out, he's going to find his way back to his girls. He will.

Slowly, he raises the tablet, and turns it around to show the room he's in to Kesara.]

Seen this before? You've taken notes of everything, you probably do, right?

[heavensreader]

[Her confused elation only lasts a moment or two more before Kesara realises, with a sinking horror, that she doesn't recognise the building at all. No, she tells herself sternly, don't be frightened. She can't be frightened too on top of everything she's already feeling. She'd explode.]

I, I haven't, no, not this place - that means it must be in the south. Near the entrance. That means Kunsel is somewhere there! He'll know. I'll talk to him right quick. Don't worry. Just don't worry, all right, Zach?

[majorlazer]

[Don't worry, she says, like he hasn't been panicking since he woke up. At least she has an idea, maybe it can go somewhere. He'd like not to worry, to he able to stay calm and cool and collected, but it's just not something he can do right now. Still, for her, he'll give it his best shot, turning the camera back around, hoping his face can be reassuring to her in any way.]

Okay. I'll try and - move around, see if I can feel anything that gives us an idea of where I am.

[heavensreader]

Be careful!

[It's almost a squeak. She doesn't mean to say it that way because it would only frighten him more, and she can imagine so clearly how frightened he must be. Alone. In the dark. A dark like no other. Her Zach, alone... she has to do something. It's unthinkable to fail him now. There has to be something she can do.]

You'll be all right. I know you will. Steph is helping too, isn't she? You trust us, don't you? You only have to trust us to get you out. We're both terribly clever.

[majorlazer]

[Zach can't help but smile, his eyes closed, tears at their corners.]

You are. And I trust you both more than anybody else here. I know you've got my back.

[If there's anybody who does, it's the two of them. He knows he can count on them, to help him and keep his spirits up, even though everything seems so grim right now, everything is so dark.]

I'll be careful, don't worry. I just need to know where I am, so I can start making my way to you, right?

[heavensreader]

And so we can start coming towards you! [She says it very quickly, before Zach can even think of saying anything about how he's sorry and it's all his fault and they shouldn't or she doesn't even know. Steph told her how he died. The thought that he'd feel guilty for something like that brings back an echoing stab of the nausea she felt when she first heard of it.]

But it, it might take us a little more time - the doors didn't open this morning - but that means you're safe where you are. Nothing can come in, and you won't get locked out. [In the midst of that relief, another horrifying thought.] Do you have your gear? Do you have food?

[majorlazer]

Yeah, 'course.

[He's not going to pretend he can stop them from coming his way, and really, right now, he's weak enough and sad enough that all he wants is for both of them to be with him. Fuck his pride, honestly.]

I...I don't. Have anything. Steph kept my stuff, to bring you the food we got. I asked her to.

[A dying wish.]

[heavensreader]

[He doesn't have anything. This means no water either. There's a squeak of terror in the back of her throat and she has to swallow very hard to keep it down.

But she succeeds. No one has ever needed her more to not be afraid, not be angry, not stop thinking.]

You - you can be all right for a while without food. Even a long time. But, you need to go find a source of water. Even if it's the privy. The water in the tanks are safe to drink, Kunsel said so.

[majorlazer]

[Bless her and her logical mind. Zach's been too busy panicking, most of the time, to even think about food or water, but he knows she's right, that he needs some water at the very least. He can deal for a day, probably, but he'd rather not.

Sure, toilet water's gross as hell, but it's not like anyone has used them for ages. He's not really all that bothered about the prospect.]

Yeah, I know, I've used it before. I don't mind really. I'll check, later. I'm not - [I'm too nauseous to drink, he wants to say. He doesn't say. She doesn't need to have to deal with his panic.]

I'm going to be fine, Kes. You and I, we're gonna meet up soon, and you can show me everything I haven't seen yet about the pass.