snowblindrpg | [network] @LELRIC; audio; night 330 [open to those left behind]

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[network] @LELRIC; audio; night 330 [open to those left behind]

[The first sound to come through is wind in the background, and then Al's voice sounding guilty.]

I, uh-- I may have made a mistake.

[A big one.]

I was looking for the people that went missing, and I kind of lost track of time. It's so stupid, I've never done that before, I guess I've just been here so long that I thought I would never get locked out now. Shows how much I know, huh?

[He tries for a little laugh there, but it sounds a bit choked.]

I'm-- I'm really sorry. I know I promised to be there for some people, but I guess that's another broken promise. It doesn't mean that I don't think you can be strong, or make it, you really can. Whatever happens, I'll be proud of you all, even if I don't see you again.

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[ He's barely listening to anything but the wind in the background, although he vaguely gathers that Al is trying to reassure people. Every part of him feels like it's on fire, and his voice makes it clear that he's terrified. ]

What? What, you went out looking for them? Why-- they're not just going to be deposited in the snow. What the hell is wrong with you?!

Edited 2018-02-14 14:40 (UTC)

H-Hey...

[His voice is soft in comparison, trying to be comforting.]

Yelling at me isn't gonna change anything, you know? I just thought maybe I might a clue, but I didn't.

No.

[ Just...no. If he was there, he could've stopped Al in time, could've turned him back to a house. But there's nothing to do now- he can't even leave the building and go join his friend. He can't find Alfie and Royce. He can't do anything here. ]

You didn't, and now you're dying for nothing.

Damn it!

[ There's the sound of a crash- there are tables in this bloody garage and he is flipping them. ]

Edited 2018-02-14 15:25 (UTC)

[There's nothing he can say to that.

His death is pointless, he didn't find anything, and he can't even offer the cold comfort of perhaps he'll return because he doesn't want that. He can't hope for revival, not when it might be evil.]

Please.

[It's smaller, sadder.]

You're going to be okay without me, I promise.

[ The sadness and meekness of that 'please' is all that keeps him from throwing tables around further. He pauses, but his anger just has nowhere to go now. It comes out in an agonized sound, somewhere between a yell and a scream.

When it dies out, he has to catch his breath for a few seconds before he continues. When he speaks again, all the rage has gone out of him. He sounds tired and scared. ]

You don't- you don't understand. You've never understood, what I'm like when you're gone.

[ That was part of the specialness of Al, honestly. But it's not good now. ]

This wasn't even an anomaly. We could've stopped this...

[His heart is aching. Not because he's going to die, but because of how lost Gabriel sounds.]

I don't make you who you are, you have to try and remember that.

[He can't stand the idea that his death might truly break someone else.]

You're strong enough to keep doing this on your own. I know that you're scared and you're unsure and you don't trust yourself, but that's what's standing in your way, nothing else. You can do it if you keep fighting for it, I believe in you.

[ When the night has passed and he's alone, he'll replay this and perhaps think it over some more. But right now, the words are just barely getting through, and the meaning is faded. He can't honestly say he believes in himself, not right now. ]

You better come back. I know you don't want to, but- [ Sniffle. ] I talked to the collective and if they went to bringing you back, I think they'd be fine with it. They want to help us.

So don't- don't just give up.

I can't-- I can't promise that.

[Nor can he agree to want it, it's just anathema to his very being. His whole life has been coloured by knowing that bringing people back from the dead is wrong, and dealing with the price of doing so.]

But I can promise that I won't give up, not ever. Not even if I'm gone, you just remember that I'll be in your head to kick your butt if you slip.

[ The promise he does get is all Gabriel can ask for, even in his current state of unreasonableness. And it's a good one- 'not giving up' is something he can believe in. But he can't trust an imaginary friend to keep him on the right path- he needs Al to come back.

He just breathes for a few seconds, too choked up to say anything. ]

I'm gonna stay with you, till you go. It's the only thing I can do.

...I don't want you to have to see or hear that, it's not how I want to be remembered.

[He's seen people die, both here and back home, and he knows that those moments always end up as the primary memories even if they shouldn't. He'll always think of that blackened mistake when he thinks of his mother now, which is the biggest insult to Trisha's memory that could exist.]

Come on, Al. Let me feeling like I'm helping a little?

[ He's quiet and pleading- all of the fury had gone out of him in that previous tantrum. He's not mad at Al, and he knows it. He's mad at this place. ]

My imagination's gonna fill in the blanks, anyway. I'll do my best to not- to not let my memory lie to me.

If-- if you're sure that's what you want.

[If it really will help rather than hinder, then he won't stop Gabriel.]

I'm going to try and keep walking about for as long as I can, it might keep me warmer.

It's what I want.

[ He's certain. He's not going to leave Al alone- maybe it's progress, but he'd never forgive himself for doing that. ]

Yeah. I don't think I could do the shelter thing, either. At least this way it'll feel like you're going somewhere.

[ It'll also indicate when Al's condition is deteriorating significantly, but Gabriel doesn't say that part. ]

Did you ever wonder why it's so impossible for people to survive out at night?

[Even with the temperature dropping so much, there should at least be some people who make it through because of thick clothes or experience or shelters.]

Yeah, except for a tent. Why does a flimsy tent provide enough shelter to survive, when any other method that's been tried doesn't?

[ Okay, this is good. Focusing on reasoning and not Al freezing can keep them both going for awhile, maybe. ]

Maybe there's something about the snow that causes the nanomachines to malfunction further. Like when we were getting too close to those bodies at the park. Maybe they just shut down operations after awhile and have to get rebooted afterward.

I think that would make sense if the people out here died of radiation, but they don't, they die of exposure.

[He hesitates, and then makes sure they're on a private line.]

Besides, if the nanomachines failed, I wouldn't be able to freeze.

[ Oh, right. ...he probably should've switched it to private ages ago, huh? He barely even cares now. ]

Yeah, that's true. Maybe the cold puts us in a cryogenic sort of freeze? The temperature indicates to the nanomachines that they should go into a sort of 'sleep mode'.

[ He likes this idea. He's going to hold onto it for awhile, probably. ]

I don't think so, that doesn't explain why some people don't come back, and why-- why there's no life signs. Even someone put into a deep sleep would still have to breathe and have a heartbeat.

[Except him, but the ways Norfinbury has already altered him are beyond disturbing anyway.]

Actually, when I come from, it's brain death that is considered final death, because we have machines that can keep people breathing. But yeah, a lack of a heartbeat still leads quickly to brain death.

[ He's a little quieter as he continues. He knows they're on the edge of touchy subjects, but- well, they might as well talk about what they're going to talk about now, right? ]

I'm wondering if they've redefined it here, too. If they can keep the body going through well-placed electrical impulses, maybe they could keep the brain in something of a 'comatose' state. Just enough to recover their brain activity.

[He's silent for a moment or two as he thinks about it, the only sound is the crunch of his footsteps in the snow.]

Maybe you're right, it's so frustrating not to know for sure, it makes it hard to know--- [His voice cracks a bit, then lowers.] It makes it hard to know whether to be able to accept revival or not. People keep telling me to be happy about it, and if it turns out that it's a coma people are being healed from then I will be! But... but we don't know.

[ He lets that sit for a moment, because- well, he feels the same way. ]

Yeah. That's why I'm really hoping that 'following the spiral' or whatever is going to get us answers. Something we can use. But we don't know much right now. So we have to go with what our culture and personal experience dictates, I guess.

[ He's quiet for a long moment, and he can feel the melancholy seeping in. ]

We should talk about something else.

We can continue our lessons? I can tell you more about biology, or you can go into more about alchemy?

Actually... actually I'm kind of tired right now.

[He's already had to stop walking.

It's not fair, he can remember being able to walk through an entire mountain range in a blizzard because his body didn't feel the cold. But now he's faltering so soon after lockdown, just like everyone else.]

I think I'm just going to go to sleep for a while, okay?

[ Oh- oh, no. Gabriel's face crumples at the admission, and his carefully cultivated 'I'm fine' voice slides back into being a choked-up mess. He wipes at his face uselessly. ]

Already? Al-

It's- it's not enough time. It's-

[ It's not fair for him to tell Al to hang on, as much as he wants to. ]

Yeah. Okay.

[ Nothing is okay right now. ]

[He hates seeing that expression, and knowing that he's the one causing it is the worst, especially since it's half a lie.

He doesn't think it'll be too much longer, but he's making out it's right now because he wants to spare Gabriel from watching, even if he said that's what he wants. It's not a sight anyone should see.]

I-- Take care, okay?

[It's such an underwhelming thing to say, but what else can he say?]

[ This isn't how it's supposed to go. Gabriel was going to stay on the line until Al stopped responding. But the kid's stubborn, even when he's going to die.

And Gabriel doesn't have it in him to keep arguing. He sniffles loudly, like a toddler, and he makes a sad little 'mmhmm' noise. ]

I'll miss you, Al. I'll miss you so much.

[ He's not going to turn off the feed. Al's going to have to hang up on him, if he really wants to do that. ]

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armoured - 2018-03-29 09:01 (UTC) - Expand

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[network] @LELRIC; audio; night 330 [open to those left behind]

@godsend, audio

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omg how did I even miss this tag?

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