[network] @LELRIC; audio; night 330 [open to those left behind]

[armoured]

[The first sound to come through is wind in the background, and then Al's voice sounding guilty.]

I, uh-- I may have made a mistake.

[A big one.]

I was looking for the people that went missing, and I kind of lost track of time. It's so stupid, I've never done that before, I guess I've just been here so long that I thought I would never get locked out now. Shows how much I know, huh?

[He tries for a little laugh there, but it sounds a bit choked.]

I'm-- I'm really sorry. I know I promised to be there for some people, but I guess that's another broken promise. It doesn't mean that I don't think you can be strong, or make it, you really can. Whatever happens, I'll be proud of you all, even if I don't see you again.

Comments

@godsend, audio

[termineur]

[ He's barely listening to anything but the wind in the background, although he vaguely gathers that Al is trying to reassure people. Every part of him feels like it's on fire, and his voice makes it clear that he's terrified. ]

What? What, you went out looking for them? Why-- they're not just going to be deposited in the snow. What the hell is wrong with you?!

[armoured]

H-Hey...

[His voice is soft in comparison, trying to be comforting.]

Yelling at me isn't gonna change anything, you know? I just thought maybe I might a clue, but I didn't.

[termineur]

No.

[ Just...no. If he was there, he could've stopped Al in time, could've turned him back to a house. But there's nothing to do now- he can't even leave the building and go join his friend. He can't find Alfie and Royce. He can't do anything here. ]

You didn't, and now you're dying for nothing.

Damn it!

[ There's the sound of a crash- there are tables in this bloody garage and he is flipping them. ]

[armoured]

[There's nothing he can say to that.

His death is pointless, he didn't find anything, and he can't even offer the cold comfort of perhaps he'll return because he doesn't want that. He can't hope for revival, not when it might be evil.]

Please.

[It's smaller, sadder.]

You're going to be okay without me, I promise.

[termineur]

[ The sadness and meekness of that 'please' is all that keeps him from throwing tables around further. He pauses, but his anger just has nowhere to go now. It comes out in an agonized sound, somewhere between a yell and a scream.

When it dies out, he has to catch his breath for a few seconds before he continues. When he speaks again, all the rage has gone out of him. He sounds tired and scared. ]

You don't- you don't understand. You've never understood, what I'm like when you're gone.

[ That was part of the specialness of Al, honestly. But it's not good now. ]

This wasn't even an anomaly. We could've stopped this...

[armoured]

[His heart is aching. Not because he's going to die, but because of how lost Gabriel sounds.]

I don't make you who you are, you have to try and remember that.

[He can't stand the idea that his death might truly break someone else.]

You're strong enough to keep doing this on your own. I know that you're scared and you're unsure and you don't trust yourself, but that's what's standing in your way, nothing else. You can do it if you keep fighting for it, I believe in you.

[termineur]

[ When the night has passed and he's alone, he'll replay this and perhaps think it over some more. But right now, the words are just barely getting through, and the meaning is faded. He can't honestly say he believes in himself, not right now. ]

You better come back. I know you don't want to, but- [ Sniffle. ] I talked to the collective and if they went to bringing you back, I think they'd be fine with it. They want to help us.

So don't- don't just give up.

@user; voice

[cosmicwords]

...Are you certain there's no shelter nearby?

[armoured]

Yeah. It's past lockdown already and I've seen a lot of videos of people making shelters and-- well, it never works.

[There's something supernatural about the night here, to have a one hundred percent kill rate, even when people do everything right.]

[cosmicwords]

I see...

[chaos lets a somber moment pass.]

I'll cheer people on while you're gone, okay?

[armoured]

Thanks.

[He sounds like he really means it.]

There's a lot of people here that need cheering on.

@hsiaoke; voice

[heavensreader]

You great big fool.

[There's something appalling in how... not angry, not even panicked Kesara sounds. In fact, she sounds drearily disappointed.]

What will I tell Steph when we have her back?

[armoured]

[He swallows hard, the noise audible even over the wind.]

Tell her-- tell her that I'm sorry that I can't be there, and remind her that she has the strength to carry on without me. She just needs to trust in herself.

[heavensreader]

Horse-shit. [Kesara's voice is small and stinging, like a long needle.] She already knows that! She'll still be angry with you!

[armoured]

I can't help that, and maybe anger is a good thing for her to feel. I'd rather she was mad at me than crying.

[heavensreader]

She'll be both. And maybe that'll teach you. She didn't give you permission to die, and here you go and do it anyway.

[armoured]

I wish it was that simple.

[That he couldn't die because he didn't have permission to do so.]

You know, I knew someone who used that argument as a way to keep herself alive.

[heavensreader]

So it did work. [She sounds surprised herself, faint with it. She'd spoken in anger, and now the cold thoughtless feeling is giving way to the gray misery of helplessness.]

@zd; audio

[swatsflies]

Frickin' hell. Al.

[ Zack and Kunsel were both missing and now this??? ]

[armoured]

...I'm so sorry, Zell.

[His voice wobbles a bit, it's always the hardest with people he cares about.]

I really didn't mean for this to happen.

[swatsflies]

[ It's the wobbling that gets to him. It's knowing he's out in the cold with no else there...

Breathing out a heavy sigh as he rubs his eyes. ]

It's. [ He still can't bring himself to say it's okay. It's the opposite of okay. ]

You were just trying to find a clue.

[armoured]

But I knew it was getting close to lockdown, I've never-- I've never been this stupid before.

[He's been here more than long enough to know the dangers of getting locked out by now.]

And I didn't even find anything.

[swatsflies]

How would you have felt if you didn't go out? You would have kicked yourself for not going out there.

[ So he would have felt bad. Sure he would have been safe, but... it's Al. He always puts everyone else's well being first. ]

Don't worry about it. Let's focus on what you'll do when you're back.

[armoured]

Zell--

[It's a quiet and sad warning tone, surely he knows by now how Al feels about the whole revival thing. He doesn't want to talk about what he'll do when he's back, because he can't bring himself to hope for revival.]

[swatsflies]

[ shit he knows. He knows they will not see eye to eye about this... ]

I... [ He wants to argue or insist he's just going to sleep. But he can't bring himself to say it. ]

How about we talk about something? Something we haven't heard before. Or I play you something?