[log] The Pit [open]

[snowblindmods]

Characters: Anyone participating in the Pit event.
Location: A room.
Date: Day 330
Summary: You wake up in a room.
Warnings: general warnings; potential for morbid/suicidal thoughts; note specific warnings in subject line, please!

Comments

[bywolves]

Yeah.

[ Royce is sitting at the edge of the pit, legs dangling over the side. He's staring down into it. And he's not sure if Rhys was talking to him specifically, but he doesn't really care. It's a distraction from the growing urge. Royce looks up, over at Rhys, getting a better look at the guy. ]

You kept the tail. [ Royce remarks absently, quieter. A beat, then: ] Are you going to jump?

Cw: suicidal ideation

[sleight_of_fate]

Yeah, everything healed, but when I woke up, it was still there. Like it's already been there. Fucked up, but... I'm almost used to it. Not the worst thing.

[Seeing Royce penched on the edge of the pit makes Rhys very uncomfortable, even with the siren call in his own head. Especially with the siren call in his own head?

He answers a little too fast, a little too sharp. Thinking of cold, dark water, staring down off the edge of a bridge and wondering just how far down it really is.]

Shit, man.

[He pauses, then continues, more quietly.]

I don't think there's anything good down there. No matter what it wants us to think.

cw: past torture

[bywolves]

[ As a response to the first part, Royce pulls off his glove and extends his hand back. Rhys may or may not be able to see it, depending on how far he is, but there are scars on Royce's fingers, bright, angry red stitching around his knuckles, where his fingers attach to his palm. Yeah. Fucked up, but. Same boat.

Absently, Royce kicks his legs a bit. ]

Probably not, but it's tempting anyway, isn't it. [ He could just so easily slide off the side. ] Are you going to? Eventually?

Re: cw: past torture

[sleight_of_fate]

[Rhys tugs at the edge of his hat, showing the circle of stitched scars around his hairline with a thin smile of sympathy. The Prophet's Eyes still mark his palms, as well, healed scalpel marks pink and shiny where they're starting to settle into their final form.

Such lovely souvenirs.]

I'd like to think I'm not. You're making me nervous as hell sitting there like that, though. If I fall in trying to haul you out, I'm going to be pissed.

[There's a bit of lightness to it, but it's surprisingly serious. He might get knifed in the process, but he would try.]

I gave Solomons some tea for the two of you.

[bywolves]

[ Royce puts his gloves back on - he doesn't like being able to see the scars, so even if he's warm, he's not going bare-handed. ]

Mm. I wouldn't pull you in with me. [ Sniff. ] I'm not going to fall. I promised Alfie I wouldn't go without him.

[ A pause, and then he peers over his shoulder a bit at Rhys. He doesn't smile, because he doesn't think he's capable of it, so much, but his body language relaxes a little. ]

Thank you. For the tea. [ His voice is softer. A tinge grateful. ] Makes Alfie happy.

[sleight_of_fate]

[The words send a pang of helplessness, of crushing sadness through Rhys, at how peaceful the other man send with the idea, of his damn little the witch can say in return to that.

Rhys can't pull anyone up when he's falling himself. All he can do is watch, bear witness. And it feels like that's not enough but maybe if he keeps collecting scars, one day it will be.]

He seems like a good guy. You've known him a while, then?

[bywolves]

Since the first two weeks I got here. [ Royce says, tilting his head back. He should feel more paranoid, it feels like - this many people at once usually sets off his poisoning, but he just feels the sort of peaceful, tired numb from the other half. Maybe the paranoia's gone.

That'd be nice, Royce thinks, closing his eyes. ]

He's not a good guy, but that doesn't matter to me. [ Shrug. ] He's my partner and I'd die for him, at this point. Everybody knows it.

[sleight_of_fate]

"Good guy" has a lot of meanings besides what most people would think of as...you know. The obvious.

[Rhys gives a wry smile, lines around his weary eyes. It's funny, everyone thinks he's a nice guy. He is, sometimes. But truthfully, when he's honest with himself, he's more like Royce and Alfie than the Good Guys.]

Someone I like to think I could trust, if I play straight with him. It's not about being nice people. It's...I don't know. Having rules?

But... It's good to have someone.

[bywolves]

He's straightforward, yes. He has rules and codes of conduct. So do I. Just different than what the superheroes want or think is right.

[ Another shrug. Royce kicks his feet again, watching the pit. He keeps seeing that glint of teeth and it's fascinating. ]

You're right, though. Good guy in a different meaning. And it is good to have someone. I'd have lost my way a while ago if he hadn't been dragging me along. [ He doesn't want to think about what it would've been like if he didn't have Alfie pick up the pieces after the Tower. ]

So I appreciate it. The tea. Keeps him going.

[sleight_of_fate]

[He envies you a lot right now, Royce.]

I'm not sure I ever really believed in real heroes. People who do good things, yeah. But no one's clean. Not really. Life's too hard for that, and no matter how hard you try, it messes you up, eventually.

[Idealism always dies the most painful death.]

...I wish you'd come back up here. You're making me nervous as hell.

[bywolves]

[ Royce glances over his shoulder at Rhys again, like he's thinking. And then he sighs, pulling himself up and away from the edge of the pit to move himself over to Rhys, to sit down next to him. Congratulations, the tea offering has appeased the grumpy knife god. ]

Happy? [ Royce asks, almost wryly. Nobody is happy, here. ]

[sleight_of_fate]

['Happy' isn't quite the word for it, but he does feel a little better.

In response, Rhys sits down, too, since he may as well keep Royce company for a bit. There's not much else to do here.]

Better. My nerves are not as good as they used to be, strange as it sounds.

[He can be wry, too.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce doesn't mind so much, he finds. He's more concerned with the pit, at the moment, and honestly, he doesn't have reason to mind anyway. A beat. ]

Mine aren't either. [ Deep breath. ] Used to be more stable.

[ Why is he admitting this to a stranger? He doesn't know. It doesn't really matter. ]

[sleight_of_fate]

[It's like the holy altar of the bar, with the communion of a glass of whiskey. It's a stranger so it doesn't matter, and it cleanses the soul.

Or maybe it just doesn't matter because you're that far down the hole. Rhys understands that, too.]

I think all of us did. A few times around the mindfuck carousel doesn't do anyone any good.

[He huffs out a deep sigh, and pulls his knees up to his chest to rest his chin on them.]

Having something to hold onto, that matters.

[bywolves]

It doesn't help when the thing you're trying to hold onto can barely keep itself up, most days.

[ Royce stares out at the hole in the room, eyes distant. He doesn't care enough to keep secrets, to be cagey. ]

I've been through worse than this. For longer. And yet.

[sleight_of_fate]

[He nods quietly in agreement.]

This place crawls inside your head. It seems to find what wears you down, and makes it that much worse.

And...

You want to protect the people you care about from it, but it doesn't let you. Sometimes you can make it better, but sometimes you just have to watch, and that's...I don't know. That's sort of the personal definition of Hell for some people.

[bywolves]

[ Royce tilts his head back. ]

I don't really care about most people. [ Sniff. He's just rambling, now, disjointed and not making a whole lot of sense because he's fighting the urge to throw himself in the hole. Not yet. ] Two, three. Here, there's less than that still alive. And even that that's pushing it because I can't find it in me to care about anything at all, these days.

I feel empty. Like something carved it all out. Haven't felt this way in years.

[sleight_of_fate]

[Royce might be rambling, but he's making a chilling amount of sense, to someone who's been there too. Rhys is torn between sympathy, and his own hollow feeling.

Nothing changes, here. It just gets worse.]

I think that's what this place does. It drains you. Anything you had left.

And a shitload of us are broken up messes to begin with.

[His voice is quiet- he's spent so much time thinking about it.]

Even a couple is nice, though. To have something else to think about. To have a reason to try.

[bywolves]

Thought it was hell, for a while. [ A pause. ] It makes sense. Even having nice things makes sense. Having someone to be next to makes it hurt worse when they're inevitably taken from you.

[sleight_of_fate]

[It's kind of nice to know someone had the same thought he did.]

I'm still not sure that it's not.

[He curls his arms around his chest protectively.]

'Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes an axman to chop off your head'.

[He's not sure why the old rhyme comes to mind, but it seems strangely appropriate here. He also hasn't been sleeping much and it's starting to get to him.]

[bywolves]

[ A pause, and he tilts his head back and to the side, watching Rhys. ]

Appropriately morbid. [ Sniff. ] Good luck voicing the idea. Most jump on you for it. Don't want to think their good and virtuous life still ended up with them here.

[sleight_of_fate]

I kinda collect poetry. A lot of it's morbid, I went through a pretty intense romantic goth phase.

[He pulled it off nicely, too. He already likes to read, has long hair and weird jewelry, and dresses in black.]

That's the thing that fucks it up. Some of us probably belong here, but some of us? I really don't think they do.

[He laughs quietly, and shakes his head.]

The real laugh is, my religion doesn't even really have a Hell. It's based on reincarnation.

[bywolves]

As far as you know. [ Royce says, idly. ] And I don't have a religion. And we have a literal angel in this pit with us. We're not exactly - uniform.

[sleight_of_fate]

[He does have to laugh at that, a little.]

Yeah, my religion doesn't have angels, either, but here we are, huh?

[He toys idly with his bracelets.]

I don't know. I guess whatever it is, we just have to make the best of it, try and get through it until...whatever happens, happens. Not like we have a lot of other choices, and if there's other people here who do make it better, then...there's that, at least.

[You have no idea how much he envies you, Royce.]

[bywolves]

[ Aw, Rhys. There's not much to be envious of here. ]

Yeah. We get through it. Eventually. [ A beat. And he shifts, like he's preparing to get up. ] I need to go make sure Ecks isn't harassing Solomons. Don't jump off by yourself.