snowblindrpg | [log] The Pit [open]

[It's hard to have to hear. Junpei's not entirely sure when he began to stop, either. Was it really because of his job? Or had it all started a little bit sooner?

... He can't dwell on it.

He can't let Quark down.

He has to keep faking this confidence.

And maybe he has to take his emotions out of this hug before he nearly crushes the poor child.]

I'm not going anywhere.

When we get out of here, you're still gonna go wait where I told you, right? As soon as that's done, I'm not leaving your side again. Nothing can change that, unless you say so.

[And in some ways, of course, it's a promise that they won't be able to keep for each other. Who knows where this place will take them? Each day invokes a new and unexpected terror. Some drag you away from your companions and others don't.

It's what he needs to hear, though, at least at the moment.]

I will. I'll do what you say.

[Especially while he's thinking such destructive thoughts, following orders is the best thing for him to do.]

Do what I--

[Why does that answer just make him feel worse?]

I don't mean-- you're not taking orders, got it?

[But it's sure spoken like an order.]

Besides, if you were, I don't think just telling someone "cheer up" works like that, so I wouldn't know where to start.

Let's just.. take it easy for a bit. Okay?

How can I take it easy when people are killing themselves?

[The question comes out strangled. His hands clench into fists against Junpei.]

I just want--I want--

[He can't even say he wants to go home. He doesn't want to be there, either. He knows what's waiting, and it's nothing good.]

I want to get away from here!

[... He can't answer that question. It's not one that anyone should ever need to ask. Hearing it is horrible enough on its own.

So listening to the rest, as well...

Ah, he's not so sure that he can keep this up.]

... I want to leave, too.

This place is awful.

[Wait. He shakes his head and gives up his hold, though of course no effort is made to push Quark away. It's just... Some part of him seems like it's breaking.]

No, that's wrong. The whole world is, because it's people who are awful. You want to believe in them. You want to think they all have some shred of decency inside. But then you start to realize that word shouldn't even exist. The kinds of things they'll do, the ways they'll make each other suffer...

And you can't even do anything about it. No matter how many get put away, there's still someone worse.

Someone who thinks it's okay to try bombing an entire town. Or start some murderous cult. Or put together whatever program's forcing these.. "sessions" to keep happening.

Or make this room, even. Sure, we're so far in the future it probably could've built itself, but someone had to be there to design it, right? So what the hell were they thinking?

[... No, what's Junpei thinking? Isn't this kind of heavy?]

...

I mean...

It's something to focus on, right?

We get through this, we get out, and when I find whatever bastard set this all up, we can both go punch him in the face for making you upset.

[Is that better? He doesn't really know right now.]

[This is a lot to process--a lot that Quark's going to have to file away for later cause he in no way has the capacity to sift through all of it. But he wipes his face as he leans back on his feet.]

I believe in people. Some people. All you need is...is one person. And that's enough to keep going.

[He works down a knot in his throat, blinks down at clenched fists against his knees.]

You know what? You're pretty bad at giving speeches.

[He tries for a small smile, weak as it is.]

[One person...

... The child has a point, there. That was how Junpei himself got through all those horrible days that drilled such negative thoughts into him in the first place.

Because there was someone more important than anything, he could focus on that, and always continue on. ... It's why he's still made it this far since arriving. Because if he can just get back home... If he can just see Akane one more time...

...

But that's not...]

Yeah. I guess I am.

[He tries to laugh, but the sound barely comes out.]

Alright, well, in that case... I'm gonna keep going 'cause I've got you, Quark.

Think you can do the same for me?

Edited 2018-02-26 13:35 (UTC)

I don't have to think. That's how I've always been.

[He feels a twinge of something inside of him. It's the truth--he's so dedicated to his Grandfather that it's almost sad. But is it a waste of time? Does it even really mean anything? Junpei's a younger, different version of himself, so maybe he doesn't have to worry about it. Maybe...maybe...]

It's what family is for.

Family...

[Ah, he wants to think about it, but if he does, he'll never get back out. But it sounds so great. To be with Akane, and have-- ... Well, it's strange that they wouldn't have their own. Maybe she just doesn't want any..?

... That doesn't.. change anything, though...]

Yeah! But I gotta admit, it still feels weird. I'd rather think of you as a son than a grandson... Y-you know, if I was even old enough that that made sense, yet...

You'd...want me to call you...

[He can't even say it. He can't say Dad or Father. It sounds weird even just thinking it. Even though Junpei's right, he's too young to be someone's grandpa...too young to be someone's anything, it's hard for him to imagine any other title fitting him.]

It's just that I've never had one of those...so it feels kind of like I'm not allowed to...

[He trails off. Not allowed to call someone his parent? It's ridiculous and he knows it, but still.]

Oh-

Oh man, I didn't mean...

[... He still doesn't know enough about Quark. The way they'd left the topic so easily, before, made it sound.. less important. But it probably hurt him a lot, didn't it? Not having his real family...

...]

L-look, I. I bet I just...

It was way in the future, right? I probably just said I'd be your Grandpa 'cause you were so young anything else would sound weird. You know? Women don't... work right, once they hit their 30s, or 40s, I don't think. And Akane and I are the same age. People would know I couldn't be your real dad. So, if you wanted to fit in when you were talking about me...

[... Though not having a parent wouldn't.. Be fitting in...]

I mean. C'mon. There's no way I didn't think of you as my son.

Words are just.. Words. If I raised you, I was totally being a father. Or trying to be. I don't.. know that much about looking after kids.. yet...

Edited 2018-02-28 13:33 (UTC)

[Something chills within him. This isn't the first time that Junpei's said that name. It's a name he doesn't know, but Junpei acts like he should know it. This isn't the time and place to address that, so he just bows his head again instead.]

Yeah, I know...you never told me that I was adopted, either, so you wanted me to think that I was exactly what I looked like: your real grandson. It's just hard to call you something different all of a sudden no matter how I look at it.

[He pauses, clears his throat, and backpedals.]

You don't think women work after they turn 40?

[He nods, at first. Overly enthusiastic despite the implications of the other's words.]

Yeah! Well, I mean, as far as I'd care, you were really mine. Stuff like blood, or whatever your last name would've been, that doesn't matter. The whole.. kids.. thing is a lot.. less involved.. for men. So as soon as I picked you up, I'm sure it was just like any other guy getting to meet his baby for the first time.

I guess I should've figured you'd be really smart, though, huh? No way I could hide it from you forever.

[This all feels really weird to talk about. Their age difference isn't big enough right now.

However, pausing as he becomes hung up on that part does cause the last line to sink in.]

... There's. Uh. I dunno what age it's at but stuff kinda changes..? So they can't.. make kids...

Men are fine, though! So you've got nothing to worry about. I guess we just.. eventually gotta start looking for a younger partner...

[Wait. He's not actually starting that talk with this kid right now, is he?]

Uh.

A-anyway, maybe we should.. get closer to one of the walls?

[Can that topic change work?

Please let it work.]

[Oh. Oh God. No, no, stop, abort. Quark is absolutely not emotionally prepared for a conversation like this and it's debatable that he's even mature enough. But...he does pick some things up, so he lifts his hand in a desperate stop gesture.]

No. Okay. I misunderstood. I know what you're talking about now...

[Just enough to know he doesn't want to talk about it. On shaken legs, he gets to his feet.]

Yeah, let's go.

[Oh thank fuck. It's not like the problem's even that it's the wrong time or place-- Junpei himself is the worst possible choice of who to ask, had the other actually wanted to hear more.

He's visibly relieved when Quark agrees to his attempted distraction, and with a nod to those last words, he stands back up as well. He reaches to take the child's hand, then, wanting to be sure they won't be separated as he starts toward one of the corners of the room.]

If we get over there, it should take longer for the pit to catch up. So..

[... Unfortunately, the present situation isn't really a good topic, either...]

[log] The Pit [open]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Well this turned dark

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject