snowblindrpg | [network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

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[network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

[This is Christmas. House's idea of Christmas, anyway. Sudden onset of deadly illnesses with disjointed and impossible progression of symptoms, and him not affected? Christmas! Someone out there loves him. Granted, he might not be able to help anyone get better and that's lame, but answers. Answers are something he is particularly prepared to provide. House is also curious if there's some psychosomatic effect at work here that might let him influence people. He goes on audio for this, and someone sounds almost gleeful.]

Hello, sick people! Dr. House here. I am a board certified medical professional and tenured professor of diagnostics at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey. I have a double specialty infectious disease and nephrology and head the only Department of Diagnostic Medicine in the world in my universe.

All that said... tell me what ails you, Snowhell. Details required. Pics if you need them. Allow me to diagnose you. This service is free of charge for today only! Or however long this whole thing lasts. I'll even prescribe you meds if they're relevant to your condition. Step right up, then! Don't be shy.

It should go without saying, but I am limited to identification and diagnosis of Earth-based diseases. So if you've got a different name in your universe for the measels, I'm still calling them the measels.

((OOC: While House is an ace diagnostician, I am very much not. It would be helpful for me if you could indicate the disease or diseases your character is suffering from for the event or indicate that the constellation of symptoms was pulled at random/non-Earth-based.))

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[House eyes his tablet suspiciously for a long moment.]

You think I'm the spawn of gypsies or something? It's an easy answer: No idea. Mom's a European mutt.

I'm simply testing a theory.

Do you smoke?

I'm addicted to narcotics, and you ask if I smoke? Priorities much?

[He does when there's nothing else, mostly. His tone says he thinks Mycroft is a moron for asking something incredibly obvious.]

Edited 2018-01-09 15:15 (UTC)

[Which of course, only drives home the point.

And lastly...]

What's your address?

[That question drives home the point that Mycroft is actually getting to and House gives his tablet an annoyed look.]

I'm a fan of the Sherlock Holmes books. I'm not interdimensionally related to you or your little brother. Neither of you have any kind of sense of humor.

[...honestly, a part of him wasn't expecting the address to be on point. That's damn fascinating. And horrifying.]

Just because the books exist in your universe doesn't mean that there isn't a connection. Given an infinite amount of universes, certainly there would be a possibility of one of them having, while not an exact copy, obviously, and under certain different conditions, but the similarities are there. I know my brother better than anyone, Doctor. You think I wouldn't notice?

Believe me, I would rather not be considering this line of thinking.

[Especially with the implications, that if House in fact, was his universes' answer to Sherlock, what he almost did to him, despite what House had done--his stomach had been churning with the thought.]

Let's go down the list of ways I'm not related to you people. Like at all.

One, I'm not even related to anyone named House. The guy who raised me is not my bio dad. So unless you've got a couple of Scotts you're hiding on the family tree. The name's irrelevant. Two, I don't have an incredibly annoying older brother. Three, I picked the address because I'm a fan. That's it. Four, I'm a freaking doctor, not a detective. Five, your brother doesn't limp. I've got more in common with freaking Watson from the books than you two.

[He's maybe getting a little more defensive than he should be, but the idea that there a expies of him out there or that he's an expy of Sherlock Holmes is existentially horrifying.]

Edited 2018-01-09 15:58 (UTC)

[Mycroft listens to this all patiently.]

Oh, naturally. [He sounds like he's humoring him.] Extrnely different.

If my brother had been inclined to use his talents in the pursuit of medical mysteries, if he'd had your particular background, he would be equally as ecstatic over these events. And that's only the last in a long line of similarities.

There's a man here who could pass for his identical twin and use bloody magic. I wouldn't discount anything being on the table at this point.

...do you have a dear best friend that's a doctor?

[Yes.]

I don't have friends.

Edited 2018-01-09 22:18 (UTC)

[This was as amusing as it was disturbing.]

Really?

You're not even trying not to sound like him.

Edited 2018-01-10 03:33 (UTC)

I sound like me. Are you dying of something painful and interesting? If not, I'm hanging up.

Unfortunately for you, I remain as unhealthy as I've been all this time. Nothing more than the usual.

[A pause, there's an inflection in his tone that's completely genuine, having changed from the amused tones of earlier.]

I am sorry. Truly. For everything, before.

[You won't ever have to worry about Mycroft Holmes sending a hit out after you ever again, House. On one level, this is fascinating, but on every other level, he feels sick to his stomach about what he almost accomplished.]

Oh, my God. I'm not your AU little brother!

[You're getting hung up on, Mycroft. House won't respond to further inquiries on this matter.]

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