snowblindrpg | [network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

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[network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

[This is Christmas. House's idea of Christmas, anyway. Sudden onset of deadly illnesses with disjointed and impossible progression of symptoms, and him not affected? Christmas! Someone out there loves him. Granted, he might not be able to help anyone get better and that's lame, but answers. Answers are something he is particularly prepared to provide. House is also curious if there's some psychosomatic effect at work here that might let him influence people. He goes on audio for this, and someone sounds almost gleeful.]

Hello, sick people! Dr. House here. I am a board certified medical professional and tenured professor of diagnostics at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey. I have a double specialty infectious disease and nephrology and head the only Department of Diagnostic Medicine in the world in my universe.

All that said... tell me what ails you, Snowhell. Details required. Pics if you need them. Allow me to diagnose you. This service is free of charge for today only! Or however long this whole thing lasts. I'll even prescribe you meds if they're relevant to your condition. Step right up, then! Don't be shy.

It should go without saying, but I am limited to identification and diagnosis of Earth-based diseases. So if you've got a different name in your universe for the measels, I'm still calling them the measels.

((OOC: While House is an ace diagnostician, I am very much not. It would be helpful for me if you could indicate the disease or diseases your character is suffering from for the event or indicate that the constellation of symptoms was pulled at random/non-Earth-based.))

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The guy --

[Aw, fuck. In hindsight, RGBV is pretty loud right now.]

Uh...well, yeah. If Roy was going to catch the flu it'd be bird flu. It's the feathers, that's how you can tell. And since he's sick odds'd be he gave it to me.

[Sigh.]

Except it's not bird flu. Fuck, I hate this. I hate this so much.

You have a mouth-breathing bird on your shoulder and you're not turning it into Kentucky Fried Chicken? [A pause.] Fair enough. Wait 'til it's better.

Anyway, since you don't have bird flu, let's start ruling things out. Your neck hurt at all? Any stiffness?

[He's the first to suggest she should cook RGBV, but he shan't be the last.]

Not my neck specifically. No stiffness. And my fried chicken is way better than KFC.

How's about chills and diarrhea?

And I'll believe it when I taste it.

Yeah, well, find me a deep fryer.

[Beat.]

And a chicken. Yes, chills, no diarrhea. I hope.

I'm assuming nobody actually has any reason to have what they have apart from someone having a laugh, but have you been anywhere in South America recently?

[She can't quite help the snort of incredulous laughter that escapes her, nor the awkward seconds of silence that follow.]

Nnnno. Nope. You think it's malaria?

[Interesting.]

Which you clearly don't. Wanna tell me why, Anion?

I'm a positively charged ion, thanks. It's not malaria because I can't have malaria.

[She can't catch any disease, but she's not going to argue that particular point.]

But if it's all bullshit anyway it doesn't matter.

[That's an even more interesting response.]

Unless you've been taking anti-malaria meds while you're not planning on being anywhere with malaria, why can't you have malaria?

...Because I've never been to South America. Obviously.

[Nope no divine immunity to tropical diseases over here, nothing like that.]

Obviously.

[Yeah, he doesn't believe you.]

Is there anything else you 'can't' have, Tessaract?

[She hears it in his voice. Okay, cool. Whatever, little doctor man.]

Herpes.

[She amuses herself.]

Cute.

[He's pretty sure she's referencing him propositioning her. Yes, everything is about him.]

You probably have malaria, based on your symptoms. Or you have something mimicking malaria since you can't get that. Apparently.

Like a bunch of nanomachines mimicking a spread of diseases across a population that doesn't have any business contracting a single one of them? That kind of something? Or maybe a wholesale imitation of -- of reality while our real bodies are laying plugged into an interface. Maybe that kind of something.

Edited 2018-01-16 19:54 (UTC)

A lot like that first one. Already posited the first one. They've at least told us it's not that second one.

Edited 2018-01-16 21:08 (UTC)

Oh, well, if they told us. I always believe everything I'm told, don't you?

Look, babe, I'm not disagreeing it's stupid to take any of this crap at face value. I'm just telling you what's been one of the consistent things thrown at us from multiple sources for 10 months.

We've already tried dying multiple times. We've tried pumping all of someone's blood into a corpse to maybe get them kicked out to the server, and we've tried different ways of shutting down the perception filter the nanites create to try to see what's actually happening around us. No dice.

[She lets out a long sigh. It's like how that Davesprite guy had tried to convince her that this was all real by dint of how weird he was in comparison to the other things she was being asked to believe. There's just no proving it.]

I hear you, and I'm taking that under advisement, but I'm going to go ahead and remind you that the whole ten months' worth of evidence thing kind of hinges on me believing that all of you are real and all of this was going on before I got here.

[She wouldn't normally say so much so plainly, but she's tired and sick and sore and she has yet to get any answers that satisfy her.]

You're not that special. So, maybe get your head out of your ass. However magical and mystical and The One you are back home, that's not what you are here. This world wasn't created for your benefit. Or your personal hell. However you're looking at it.

Edited 2018-01-16 22:39 (UTC)

[She laughs a hollow laugh at that.]

Me? I'm no one. I just think this is all bullshit -- aww fuck --

[And she's quite suddenly getting up to stagger off to the bathroom. She'll be gone a few minutes, and likely won't call him back if he disconnects while she's gone.]

[House has diagnosed her to his satisfaction, so he won't be hanging around, unfortunately. He'll be needling her about what exactly she is later, now that he's on the scent.]

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