[network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

[rubikscomplex]

[This is Christmas. House's idea of Christmas, anyway. Sudden onset of deadly illnesses with disjointed and impossible progression of symptoms, and him not affected? Christmas! Someone out there loves him. Granted, he might not be able to help anyone get better and that's lame, but answers. Answers are something he is particularly prepared to provide. House is also curious if there's some psychosomatic effect at work here that might let him influence people. He goes on audio for this, and someone sounds almost gleeful.]

Hello, sick people! Dr. House here. I am a board certified medical professional and tenured professor of diagnostics at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey. I have a double specialty infectious disease and nephrology and head the only Department of Diagnostic Medicine in the world in my universe.

All that said... tell me what ails you, Snowhell. Details required. Pics if you need them. Allow me to diagnose you. This service is free of charge for today only! Or however long this whole thing lasts. I'll even prescribe you meds if they're relevant to your condition. Step right up, then! Don't be shy.

It should go without saying, but I am limited to identification and diagnosis of Earth-based diseases. So if you've got a different name in your universe for the measels, I'm still calling them the measels.

((OOC: While House is an ace diagnostician, I am very much not. It would be helpful for me if you could indicate the disease or diseases your character is suffering from for the event or indicate that the constellation of symptoms was pulled at random/non-Earth-based.))

Comments

[thesystemisdown]

nope!
I'm not a robot and I never have been.

[rubikscomplex]

the girl in the chinese room
you're an ai
a program
a teenage program
that's interesting
are you from some kind of game?
or educational software?

[thesystemisdown]

hmm
I guess that's accurate!
I never thought of myself like that because my situation is a bit more complicated though
but yes i am from a game

[rubikscomplex]

[More complicated.]

so, you're a strong ai?
were the creators intending you to start thinking outside your little electronic box, mon mon?

[thesystemisdown]

I don't know if he intended me to start thinking at all
I kind of assume that he didn't
But I have no idea how something like that could happen by accident

[rubikscomplex]

if you're in a videogame
i'm assuming there are multiple yous
maybe your creator wanted to take over the world
and you were the way to do it
could you access things outside the game?

[thesystemisdown]

ahaha wow
that would be a really terrible world conquest plan!
even if I was from a different kind of game it wouldn't exactly be effective

[She ignores the part about there being multiple hers. It's not like she hasn't thought about that before - was there a different Monika in every download of the game? Did they all go down the same futile path? If that's the case, did her epiphany even mean anything to begin with?

That kind of existential dread leads to dangerous thoughts, and she'd rather not deal with it. Especially not while sick.]

anyway i could look at stuff on the computer but couldn't directly access anything outside of the game files
and i was pretty bad at messing with those!

[rubikscomplex]

you're an ai and you're bad with code?

[Can you hear the judgement in that text, Monika?]

[thesystemisdown]

are you saying there's something strange about that?
it's not like coding is what I was created for

[DON'T YOU JUDGE HER]

[rubikscomplex]

[HE'LL JUDGE IF HE LIKES.]

that's like me saying breathing isn't what i was created for
it's a fundamental part of existence

[thesystemisdown]

well that's me told!
i'm sure you have a far deeper understanding of my own existence than i do
so please go ahead and judge me more

[rubikscomplex]

k
judging super hard here

[thesystemisdown]

awesome
maybe next you can tell me some more about what you think i should just know naturally
and while you're at it why not explain why i don't

[rubikscomplex]

were you hardcoded to be this sassy
or did you pick that up with the sentience?

[thesystemisdown]

probably a bit of both! that's how a lot of those nature vs nurture debates tend to end isn't it?
though I'd say it's more a case of writing than coding for me

[rubikscomplex]

literature, right?
okay
let's see what a bot can do
impress me with your poetry and short stories

[thesystemisdown]

i'd love to
but would you believe that being really sick is not exactly conducive to creative writing?
so how about I get back to you on that when this is over

[rubikscomplex]

fine
as soon as you're healthy i'm expecting at least two poems
topic of your choice
but must include the words ocean, red, and guitar

[thesystemisdown]

just to be clear
must the words be present in both poems

[rubikscomplex]

i'll go easy on your first assignment, mon mon
all three words need to appear over the poems
but not all in both poems

[thesystemisdown]

got it
i'll get to that as soon as i feel up to writing again

[rubikscomplex]

good
talk to you later
and drink plenty of fluids and lie down
yadda yadda