[network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 314; audio [open] (cw: there may be graphic discussion of illness)

[rubikscomplex]

[This is Christmas. House's idea of Christmas, anyway. Sudden onset of deadly illnesses with disjointed and impossible progression of symptoms, and him not affected? Christmas! Someone out there loves him. Granted, he might not be able to help anyone get better and that's lame, but answers. Answers are something he is particularly prepared to provide. House is also curious if there's some psychosomatic effect at work here that might let him influence people. He goes on audio for this, and someone sounds almost gleeful.]

Hello, sick people! Dr. House here. I am a board certified medical professional and tenured professor of diagnostics at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in Princeton, New Jersey. I have a double specialty infectious disease and nephrology and head the only Department of Diagnostic Medicine in the world in my universe.

All that said... tell me what ails you, Snowhell. Details required. Pics if you need them. Allow me to diagnose you. This service is free of charge for today only! Or however long this whole thing lasts. I'll even prescribe you meds if they're relevant to your condition. Step right up, then! Don't be shy.

It should go without saying, but I am limited to identification and diagnosis of Earth-based diseases. So if you've got a different name in your universe for the measels, I'm still calling them the measels.

((OOC: While House is an ace diagnostician, I am very much not. It would be helpful for me if you could indicate the disease or diseases your character is suffering from for the event or indicate that the constellation of symptoms was pulled at random/non-Earth-based.))

Comments

cw's are ongoing

[rubikscomplex]

Describe the pain. Shooting? Burning? Aching? Where's it located?

[ecks]

Aching. The p-pain is located in my joints and head. I cannot remain standing. All joints feel pain. Limbs not functioning.

[rubikscomplex]

Your limbs aren't functioning because you're in too much pain or they're locking up on their own?

[Some kind of crippling arthritis or bursitis are his first thought, really.]

[ecks]

My limbs are not functioning because they are undergoing tremors and I cannot make them stop or m-make them move correctly.

[rubikscomplex]

Neurological symptoms. Nice! Any numbness, or just the pain?

[ecks]

No numbness. Only pain. It is not nice, Doctor House.

[rubikscomplex]

The symptoms are nice. [Just to clarify that he's not that much of a sadist.] Gives me a clearer picture. How's your vision? Any blurring?

[ecks]

The symptoms are not nice. I do not enjoy them. It is not nice!

[She's suddenly angry...so why does she burst out laughing? It's an ugly sound, all the more unnatural for whom it's coming from.]

[rubikscomplex]

Kuru. [Not mad cow, but close.] You have a prion disease that comes from cannibalism. Particularly eating people's brains. Someone thinks they're being funny.

[ecks]

It is not funny. I am laughing but that does not mean that it is funny.

[Waaaait.]

...Are there brains in sausages?

[rubikscomplex]

That's why I said they thought they were being funny. And... you can put anything in a sausage. You just grind up meat and stick it in a tube. Most people don't ask what's in 'em.

[This is a funny conversation when he's stuck with a cannibal. A pair of cannibals, technically.]

Been eating a lot of sausage lately?

[ecks]

We ate sausages where I am from.

[rubikscomplex]

[That's... troubling.]

Yeah... I'm guessing your dad fed your brains. What with what you're made of and all.

[ecks]

It is not good to be wasteful.

[rubikscomplex]

It's also not good to expose your life's work to potential prion diseases. Drink a glass of water, go to sleep, and call me if you're still having problems in the morning.

[ecks]

What is prion? I do not own a glass.

[rubikscomplex]

It's a type of infectious agent, like a virus or bacteria. It's just made of something else. And the glass was metaphorical. Drink water. In whatever container you have. And go the hell to sleep. I have other people to diagnose.

[ecks]

Acknowledged. I will attempt to sleep.