[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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[swatsflies]

[ Zell realizes what Zack might be warning about. His gaze follows to the door and he makes a sound as he lowers his voice ]

You already decided you were going to hide this from everyone and make sure we, not you, get out. How is that not writing yourself off?

[ He remembers the conversations and Zack sharing doing his all for Cloud. All those wounds... he can already out the pieces together to figure out what was Zack's last stand. It explains so much as everything falls into place. ]

We'll find a way. Find a way to get us all out of here alive. [ He's leaving the even you unsaid, but it should be obvious from how he waves his hand and looks at Zack. ] You still have dreams and things to do after this.

[heroproceeding]

[ There's so many answers he can feel riding at the top of his tongue. So many reasons why- but nothing seems like enough anymore. Nothing. Or maybe he just doesn't want it to be enough. Maybe it's better off unanswered. There's so much Zell has fiercely denied before.

Zack just hopes this time- this time he'd be right to. That he's right, here and now. But even holding onto that thought, it doesn't change the look in Zack's eyes as he finally goes from looking off to the side to looking back at Zell. ] ..Never said I didn't. But if I made it out of here without even one of you, I'd never forgive myself.

[swatsflies]

That's what it sounds like, Zack. It sounds like you're okay so long as everyone else makes it.

[ Running his hands through his hair to muss it up as he tries to calm down. He's mad at a lot of things, and this whole situation doesn't sit right. Nothing about any of this sits right. ]

We'll find a way for all us to make it. Even if one of us wind up at the morgue, we'll get to the center and fix all of this. All four of us will make it.

[heroproceeding]

[ In a way, it almost feels ironic listening to Zell. Zell talking about everyone, no matter what. Zell talking like it'd be that easy. In some ways, it's like looking himself in a mirror when he was younger. Younger and stubborn and so very confident that if he just did the right things, if he just kept pushing forward, then he would definitely get everyone through and definitely complete the mission, no sweat. No sweat, no problem.

When he became this jaded, he doesn't know. But he can't shake that feeling, no matter how much Zell seems to reassure as much as he seems to plea to himself that that will be what it will really be. And maybe that's what Zell needs at the end of this conversation. Maybe not what Zack, himself, needs, but thinking on Zell's terms...

Zack takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly before walking over and carefully wrapping his arms around his friend. ] I hope you're right, Zell. And I'm sorry- for hiding this from you.

[swatsflies]

[ He puts a hand on Zack's back, relishing in the token of comfort for a moment. Then he's shaking his head. ]

It's not just me. I'm worried about Jim. If anyone deserves the truth, it's him.

[ He still thinks about the time when they first met up and how he could see the shift in their relationship. How they fought and it took Jim dying to mend it. They both have come a long way since then, but the worry is still there. Gripping Zack's shoulder. ]

We'll take it one step at a time, right?

[heroproceeding]

[ He wants to say he already knows. That he already took it just about as well as Zell did. But Zell will find out in due time, won't he. And in the end, that's something.. something Zack's going to have to work on mending or at least finding a way past this with Jim. Just as he had to work this through with Zell, too. And Kunsel, too, soon enough. He doubts this will be the end of conversations about this. That this will probably haunt them all until the end.

But... Gently, he gives Zell a squeeze. ]

Right... One- One step at a time. [ It's easier than thinking of the worst case scenario. Easier than weighing more ugly feelings on his heart. There's already enough ugly feelings to go around. Why add to it? ] In the meantime.. I'm gonna take what time I have here. Live in the present.