[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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[swatsflies]

[ He makes a noise. ]

Stars. [ The vowel is elongated in almost a whine. Turning around to press his side against Jim's back as he throws an arm across his stomach. ]

You know what I mean.

[ It's an emotional night of fears and confessions being spilled across the network. He's not going to just let it go after some of that coming out. ]

[rattlingthestars]

I know. Sorry. Sometimes I'm afraid to let it all out.

[ It's another confession, something else he'd never say on an ordinary night. ]

I don't want to drag you down with all of this.

[ He takes Zell's hand and puts it over his own heart. ]

-But. If we were back home? I could fix something. I would've figured something out by now. At least built something to keep us warm.

I can edit/add more if you need.

[swatsflies]

[ Shaking his head. ]

It's not dragging me down.

[ Making a content sound as he feels every time his lungs expand and the rhythm of his heart beating in his chest. ]

Man, I really can't wait to get home. I'd like to see you build things with your hands.

[ His voice is quiet and wistful. Making a noise as he knows that's getting off topic. Gotta stay focus! ]

I know if anyone here can make something or fix it, it's you. We just need to find something first.

[ Which is the frustrating part. ]

[rattlingthestars]

Mm. I think maybe it is.

[ Dragging Zell down, he means. ]

I've seen how hard stuff hits you. Not every time, but when it does... [ The times when they've lost so many friends in a matter of days, or when Norfinbury forced them to hurt one another. ] I don't want it to take what makes you you away.

[swatsflies]

It does hit me hard. It hits me more than I really like to share.

[ Nuzzling against his back. ]

I think getting it out in the open is a lot better though. That way I know what's going on or can try to help you through it. I want to help, Stars.

[ He wants to be useful AND he wants his boyfriend to be happy and healthy. ]

You being here helps me to be me. Even when things go to hell I can always pick up the pieces because you're near me. I want to keep improving and getting better.

[rattlingthestars]

Yeah, I know it does. That night at the fire station...

[ It had ended pretty well, but it didn't change how awful it'd been to see Zell like that. ]

Do you think that's why they're making us talk? To get it all out in the open?

[swatsflies]

[ Don't being up the fire station. Reminding himself to focus on the right now as he wiggles his thumb against Jim's chest. ]

I don't know. I wonder if something or someone is messing with the nanites. Wanting to get the truth of the shit here and instead we're opening our mouths.

[ And then making an almost d'oh sound. ]

It's not like I wanted to keep quiet about any of this. It's one of those things that didn't really come up and I kept pushing off to focus on the here and now. Guess that's pretty dumb, huh? Especially with this place poking into everything.

[rattlingthestars]

Maybe. Maybe this is all going to come back to bite us.

[ Jim's said a lot to people he'd never even talk to, normally, and that's not even counting on Eve listening in to everything they have to say. ]

It's not dumb. I know you want to keep moving. I do, too.

[ But Jim knows - though he won't admit it unless pressed - that the longer stuff gets pushed aside, the bigger the eventual explosion's going to be. ]

[swatsflies]

[ Any other time, biting might have given him some ideas.

This time however he taps Jim's chest in time to his heart beat. ]

If it does, I know who to lean on. [ Nuzzling against the nape of his neck. ]

And you'll come to me, right?

[ Well, they can always wrestle it out of the other in a spar match. ]

[rattlingthestars]

Yeah, I will.

[ If he comes to anybody. Jim watches the hand on his chest and makes a contented noise. ]

Think that's enough spilling our guts?

End of part one?

[swatsflies]

For now.

[ For now it's enough. He can hear the chiming of their tablets letting them know messages are popping up. Probably in response to their confessions. Making a sound as he presses a kiss against the back of Jim's neck. ]

I'll stay close by, Stars. [ Until arguing with Zack ensues that is. Even if it's all on the network, he'll do his best not to read the responses from others. ]

Yep \o/

[rattlingthestars]

You better.

[ Jim doesn't think he could do this without Zell at his back.

He lapses into silence that isn't comfortable, but feels better than being alone. ]