snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

Then what was the "everyone's life sucks" part about? Because it came off a lot like telling me to complain less without just out and out saying shut up. Which do you want from me, Al?

Edited (better icon for the mood I want) 2017-03-31 15:20 (UTC)

Maybe it was about letting you know that you're not alone, or that there might be people out there you can talk to who would relate to it, or-- that even if everyone has hard times, it doesn't mean there's no hope.

[Or all of those things together.]

[He's quiet a moment, still feeling irritable, but thinking.]

Maybe my ability to hope is just busted. I was already leaving the important stuff up to my friends when I left, because they were objectively more capable of doing shit than me. And then this place happened, and I feel like even if I do get out then nothing good is waiting for me. I want to help everyone else, and I want to put a stop to this place, but I'm not going to smile about it when there's all these sessions that have failed before us and I still might die for good in the "win" condition.

[He's afraid of there being nothing good when he goes home too, he's so scared that Father is going to win and all of Amestris will be destroyed. He nearly manages to keep it inside, but--]

I'm scared that I'm going to die when I go home too. Not just me, everyone in my country, and it'll be because I couldn't fight hard enough. I'm scared it's happened while I've been here.

[Davesprite lets out a sigh, soft and slow.]

I dunno. People have seen their futures before, but they might just be dreams. I don't know how time works in your universe, or if we can even go back to when we were taken. You've got a whole country on the line. At least I know the new universe gets made in some future.

Mm.

[He really hopes he gets back, and that's the hope that he's clinging to so fiercely.]

I have to believe I still have a chance to make a difference, maybe we all do. Maybe you don't have to go back if you don't want, you could go somewhere else.

I've thought about it. Clint and Nat offered, but now they're gone; so unless we can revive everyone at the end, it's a moot point. And even if they weren't, I don't know if that's what I want. I miss my friends, and I've got no idea what Jade would think of me if I didn't go back... I don't even want to talk to her about this, because I don't want to hurt her more when I'm already bad enough at handling stuff between us. I don't know if I'm the Davesprite that winds up in her timeline, either. Just being here could mean I'm going to die if I go back, but if I am the right Davesprite, then I'm going to get combined with somebody else I've never even met into some kind of bizarre double sprite—but I don't want to disappoint her, and even if I die I could still possibly meet my friends in the afterlife, so, like, am I obligated to go back?

[It all spills out in a rush, and at the end he makes another frustrated groan.]

Damnit, I didn't want to say even half of that.

Edited 2017-04-01 20:57 (UTC)

[He's caught in a dilemma now of whether it's okay to keep discussing this, or whether morally he should end the conversation because Davesprite is obviously being forced to reveal more than he wants. In the end, he can't just leave it at that.]

You're not obligated to do anything. You have to figure out your own future and work towards that, no matter what it is. If you want to go to another world, then go to one, I'm sure there are lots of people that would welcome you there. You could even always come back with me, if you wanted.

No offense, but I'd die of boredom in a world that hasn't invented the internet yet.

[It slips out first, because it's easiest.]

... I don't know where I'd go yet, or if I would for sure. How do I know the addition of a half-crow half-dude all-orange weirdo ain't gonna mess up something critical in what's meant to happen?

[Huff.]

I'm frustrated at myself at this point. I can't even time travel, haven't for years, and yet I'm still stuck on all this concern about the timeline. I just... want a life where I don't feel like I have to be constantly looking over my shoulder for causality to catch up with me. I'm a paradox as it is, Al; I already got convinced once I was finally dying from it.

I guess you don't know.

[He's a bit over his head with talk of time travel and paradoxes, but that doesn't mean he's going to back off and not try to help.]

But none of us really know how our actions might mess up the future, or change the world for better or worse, sometimes you just have to do what you think is best for yourself and hope. I don't know if you're a paradox, maybe all of us are now we've been here, but you're not dead yet so don't bury yourself just yet, okay?

[He could keep arguing. He really could. But right now as he considers it, the weight of what he's said and what Al's saying now... He's tired.]

I'll try not to. I'm still trying with the rest.

You want to just... talk later? When everything's less messed up? We're probably going to wind up in another circle if we keep pushing it.

[It's better than a flat out refusal, so he'll let it go.]

Yeah... yeah, okay, you're probably right. Take care of yourself, I'll talk to you again when things are a bit less crazy.

You too, Al.

[He's got enough thoughts and feelings in his head now to sit and poke at, whether he likes it or not. He hangs up.]

[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

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