[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

[Make sure to note any specific warnings in your subject lines!]

Comments

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[mrcreamsicles]

yeah nope
gonna disagree still
hes mega fucked up in a way worse than you have to be
youve got some sense of regret while hes the one dragging you into it
im not going to argue more about it being complicated because im not you
but i am saying it sounds like hes got your whole view of yourself pretty fucking skewed at the same time
you dont deserve to go back to him ok
if you ask me it sounds like you need some kind of help to keep you from going back
like a reminder maybe to tell you why its a bad idea
though you would have to be careful about that considering its him on the other side

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[loveismadness]

[there's a while before the next reply.]

youre a smart kid, ya know that

i've had reminders an support systems before
i've been cleared n declared sane by the doctors more times than i can count
so i must be stoppin myself from gettin better. because when i see him, or hear him talk ta me, gettin better dont matter

and even when i can think clearly about this
like now
its still scary
because i still believe he loves me
an i love him

and hes here in this town somewhere

jeezum, talk about pathetic, huh?

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[mrcreamsicles]

shrug
not that hard to see someone struggling like that and figure theres some kind of problem
if you wanted to go back to him straight up you probably would have done it by now or be on your way
instead of confessing your fears to a teenage stranger on the network
i know were all dumping our feelings everywhere anyway but that theres still something there for you to confess says a lot yknow
and i dont know how hard that kind of thing is because i havent been in that situation
or how it feels being on either side
so the best i can do is guess at it from what youre saying and try to give advice
and maybe im just a know nothing kid who should shut his mouth by now
but i think you need help and i kind of want to give it
even if thats just inept advice like this
so i dunno
keep trying anyway
try to remember this or talk to somebody if you get those feelings like you want to go back again
because even if youve had all those times where youve gone back to him you still have ones like this or what you said where you had support

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[loveismadness]

trust me. advice comes easy when you aint the one in a situation like this.

i just hope you n everyone else whos been nice to me here doesnt hate me when i fuck it up

damn
i didnt mean to say that!! i didnt

but
thank you
i'll try to talk to you. an spoily, i think
studly is still on the Maybe list he said v mean things about my babies

but
i dont wanna burden a kid with my shit, yanno
im a grownass woman

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[mrcreamsicles]

youre not the only grownass adult ive helped with this kind of thing
though im kinda scared the other dude might kill me someday if things go wrong

[Damnit.]

whatever
point is
if i wanted to stop talking to you i could have told you to fuck off
and if i change my mind i can still say so
like i am kinda scared what might happen if things do go bad for you
but id rather try to help even its dumb help when from the sound of it you want to do better than you have been
so good luck harley
and keep on trying

(cw: partner abuse, mental health)

[loveismadness]

who's the other dude? who are you worried might kill you??

i know you said you don't want to talk about death but that's important kiddo
i ain't even sorry for pryin i wanna make sure youre ok

[mrcreamsicles]

i dont want to say because its personal and i dont want him to catch shit
its complicated in ways that are a lot different from your situation
ways i dont want you getting mixed up in and arent my place to say
so do me a favor and dont pry while my ability to shut the fuck up is compromised

[loveismadness]

...
fine. but u gotta come to me, if u need help
i can help protect u.
u gotta.
promise?

[mrcreamsicles]

nope
ill go to the help i think i need
and what i might need depends a hell of a lot on circumstance
plus we dont actually know each other that well yet even after the big feels trip
but if there is something i think youre good for ill let you know

[Losing the ability to lie about his emotions makes it come out blunter than he means it to. The last line is his attempt at course correction, or what he can do of it at present.]

[loveismadness]

rude :////
im not good for much, kiddo, but keep me posted
good luck, okay?

ill be around.

[and then she disconnects.]

[mrcreamsicles]

[His username is @featherydouche for a reason, too. But he lets her go for now.]