[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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Comments

private; cw: suicide

[spoileralert]

I'm scared you're going to hate me for it

[ And she is, and she tries so hard not to send that message, but she can't make herself erase it.

So she figures, at least she can make up for her moment of weakness by being honest about it. ]

About a month ago, something weird happened. Half the town turned murderous - you heard about it, probably, with the prophet eyes?

I was going to hurt House. I wanted to hurt House. And I realized what I was doing, and I was so scared I was going to kill somebody, I knew I had to do something about it.

I didn't know what else to do. There were only two people in town I knew for sure could take me down, and I was too scared of the Joker to make myself go looking for him. So I found Bucky instead.

He didn't want to kill me, but I didn't give him a choice.

private

[fiteme]

[I didn't give him a choice, he reads, and yeah. Steve's mad. He's mad at Steph, but he's also mad at the town, or whatever it is that made everyone like that.]

You shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry that happened but you really shouldn't have done that.

private

[spoileralert]

I know.

[ She felt horrible about it even when it was happening, but by then it was too late. If she had stopped fighting she would have lost her will again, and then maybe Bucky would have ended up dead. ]

I'm sorry.

[ She has a million excuses and explanations in her mind, but this isn't the time for them. ]

I'm so, so sorry.

private

[fiteme]

I appreciate that, and I believe you, but I'm not the person you should be apologizing to.

[He still barely understands what's going on in Norfinbury, or what's happened to Bucky both here and before he got here, but he knows how bad that was. And god, he doesn't blame Bucky for hating her.]

I don't hate you. [But he sure as hell isn't endeared to her at all.] Thank you for telling me.

private

[spoileralert]

I already apologized to Bucky. [ And in the process made things worse. Valuing honesty is such fun. ] He said to never talk to him again, so I haven't. I won't talk to you either, if you want.

[ She's afraid that: ] I'm not a very good person.

private

[fiteme]

You're sorry, and you apologized. I'm mad, but I won't cut off contact with you. But I'm not going to tell you or Bucky you should start talking again.

[He sighs at that last part.]

None of us are, when it comes down to it.

private

[spoileralert]

[ She makes herself take a breath and let it out slow. ]

I don't know what's wrong with me. Plenty of other people managed to find a solution. I just always seem to make everything worse. It's probably best that Bucky never trusted me in the first place.

private

[fiteme]

We all make mistakes. Some are bigger than others. You gotta learn from them, that's all we can hope for.

And Bucky only trusts a few people.

[Honestly he doesn't really want to be comforting her, after what she's just admitted, but if a priest can counsel someone after the worst of confessions, then he can do this.

Then again, he's no priest. Not even close.]

private

[spoileralert]

Well. I hope he trusts you, still.

[ She rubs her temples. God, what a night. ]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep bothering you.