[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[snowblindmods]

it's been so long between the words we spoke
will you be there up on the shore, I hope

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Comments

@Spoiler ; video

[spoileralert]

You know, between a good person trying to be bad and a bad person trying to be good, I think the latter's preferable. That's the premise I've been working on, anyway.

People leave for all kinds of reasons. They die, or they realize you're not worth it, or they're not worth it. But the one thing I've found is that you can't erase the memory of good feelings. However much you might want to, however much they might deserve it, it's just not that easy to hate someone who let you down after holding you up for so long.

[rattlingthestars]

I don't know, Steph. It's pretty easy to start hating people you love. Or it is for me, I guess.

cw: parental abuse

[spoileralert]

[ She lets out a breathy ha that was probably supposed to be a laugh. It doesn't sound like one. ]

Maybe it's just me, then. My parents tried to kill me and I just... can't bring myself to hate them.

[rattlingthestars]

[ There's something that sounds alien here, but it has the cadence of fuck. ]

You - wh -

[ He manages not to ask 'why' at the last minute. There's not really anything Steph could've done to deserve that. ]

Aren't you angry? All mine did was leave and I still want to throw him in the Etherium some days, even if it was my fault.

cw: some intense domestic abuse emotions

[spoileralert]

Furious. But the first thing I did was try to prove to them that I do have value. On my terms, not theirs.

Then dad was killed, and I just... lost it. I remembered him teaching me to ride a bike, and trying to decorate cakes for my birthdays. All the times he drove me to the hospital because I'd fallen trying to do some stunt.

I guess... [ She hasn't spent a lot of time thinking about this, actually. She's been trying to avoid it. ]

I guess, when he died, it meant that things between us could never get better. I'll never be able to ask him if he really loved me. And if he didn't, I'll never be able to hurt him like he hurt me.