snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[ Surprise! Dumb teen-aged messes! ]

Thanks but I'm pretty sure I won't.
I lost memories before. Can't really get them back.
It's the price we had to pay to keep fighting.
Just like here. I paid that price to get rid that anomaly.

And the keys. We lost Zack and Kunsel to get that far. And I couldn't help Jim then. I failed him then and couldn't keep my promise.

When did you start forgetting? Before helping Sherlock with cases?

You mean your school took your memories? How?

You did what you could and men were lost. That doesn't mean a mission is a failure. You honored their sacrifice by finishing it out, both you and Jim. I'm not sure how you think you failed him, but I reckon Jim might have a different opinion about that.

Yes. After I got back to London from the war.

[He manages not to elaborate beyond that, forcing himself to hit send before he can type more.]

GFs.
We equip them and use their powers, but they also take our memories.
We were told to ignore the rumors.
Not sure how much of a difference it would make if we knew.
We had missions to complete.

I couldn't see Jim then. Everyone looked exactly the same to me then.
They all had gas masks. They were all Riley.
I couldn't look at him and see him.
I couldn't even see Zack as I pulled him off of Kunsel.
I couldn't see Kunsel when I felt the warmth fade from him.

Is it common? For people to feel like that after a war?

Do you know what happens if you stop using the GFs?
Has anyone tried that to see if their memories returned?

And even if you couldn't see them, you still knew who they were. Not being able to see them doesn't mean you did anything wrong or it mattered any less.

There are a percentage of people.

Edited 2017-03-13 16:17 (UTC)

Percentage of people?
Often enough that it could happen to me or my friends?

I didn't have them junctioned when I was brought here.
So it's been months without them.
We have only gained back one memory from childhood.
It was thanks to Irvine.
He didn't use GFs until he was assigned to us for a mission.

I told Zack I would take care of him. And I couldn't then.
I broke my promise.

It just depends. Some people are more predisposed to it than others and the symptoms vary sometimes. I didn't think it'd happen to me. And then it did.

[He hates admitting this on the open network. He hates it with a passion, but his fingers keep typing.]

I wouldn't count what happens here as necessarily indicative of what would actually happen. You've got those nanites in your blood mucking with everything.

I reckon that's the sort of promise that Zack would forgive you for breaking under the circumstances. Have you talked to him about it?

[ Zack is the easiest topic, so he's getting to that first. ]

Zack is a lot like you.

[ Not...exactly what he wanted to say. Whoops. He continues on to explain it better. ]

Shoulders everything on himself and might get himself

[ Shit. No. He can't talk about that. GOING BACK TO ORIGINAL THOUGHT. ]

You both hide a lot so I don't really know what's going on.
Even if he says he forgives me, i don't know if he does.
Or if he'll still trust that I'll do my best to keep Jim safe.

[ Nailed it. ]

Is that why you hung out with Sherlock in the first place?
It helped things from blurring together?

Yeah, that's true about the nanites.
They could be preventing anything from coming back if they can.

[Might get himself killed. John doesn't need to see the rest of that to know where it's going. Alfie, Mary, and now Zell, all concerned that he's driving himself into the ground. Lovely.]

He sees you every day doing your best. And you need to have conversation with him about it, Zell, if it's bothering you that much.

I started living with Sherlock because I needed a flatmate.

[He wants to stop there, but he can't, unfortunately.]

And he was the first person to make me feel real and alive again after I came home from Afghanistan. Yeah, it was easier to keep things straight with him there.

Yeah, I'll try talking to him.

[ He will do this best, but he's not sure if it'll ease his concerns with it being dumb feelings o'clock. ]

How did Sherlock make you feel real and alive again?

He let me help him with his cases. He made me interested in life again. He made things... fun again. For the first time since I'd gotten home from the war, I felt like I wanted to do something. I felt like I could do something to help people. I was helping him and he was helping other people. It just... worked out well with us.

That sounds like something special.
Or it was something special.
Worked.

[ That past tense on top of everything else that's been pretty suspicious from their previous conversation... ]

Sorry for whatever happened between you two.
Hope you can work it out.
Or find someone else who can do the same for you.
Actually hoping you find someone that's less of an ass.

[ Whoops. Saying too much. ]

How long was the war?

[John continues to not care for how perceptive Zell is, but he's apparently baring his soul tonight, whether he wants to or not.]

I love him and I'm terrified I'll lose him again. I don't want anyone else.

[He grimaces when his fingers type those words out and he hits send. John quickly follows it up, trying to get back on more comfortable footing.]

The war's still going on. It's been 16 years since the start of it.

[ Blame his friends, John. ]

You should tell him.
You know when you're ready.
No pressure, man.

[ Their relationship seems really, really complicated. REALLY complicated. He's not going to question or push it further because it doesn't really fit into any neat category. ]

<Font face="Courier'>Whoa. Wait. It's still going? How long did you serve?</font> <Small>[ It's weird that Watson was sent home while it was still going. ]</small>

[John has to work hard not to slap his hand hard to his face when he reads that response.]

I've already told him. And I have a wife, Zell, she's here. I love Sherlock. I'm not in love with him. Not how I think of as being in love with someone. I don't want to marry him or anything.

[Just to be clear...ish. Moving on now.]

There have been a few phases of the war. I was still in university when it started. Once I'd finished my residency, I enlisted, went through boot camp and specialized training as a field medic. Some of the most intense fighting started up just before I shipped out. Spent three years over there before I was shot and invalided home.

I can't really see him marrying anyone.
Like it's cool, man. You can have a non-romantic partner.
I bet there's a term for it.
Whatever it is, it's a lot like Zack and Kunsel.
Zack had a girl at home. And Kunsel had a lot of bad luck, but he's into girls only.
I keep talking too much
The point is, you don't need to you know

[ CUTTING HIMSELF THERE. He's not going to talk about smooching or any of that with Watson. That's weird.

It takes longer for him to write up the next response. ]

Oh! That's why.
We aren't allowed to pull out until the mission is accomplished.
Or until we are unable to meet the objective.
Is that why you try so hard to help others?

[ So much for trying to lay off the personal stuff. ]

[Yeah. How about we just stop talking about his relationship with Sherlock? John doesn't respond to the first part of Zell's comment.]

I'm not sure how your military functioned, Zell, but wounded soldiers on a battlefield who can't actually fight are a liability, not an asset. I was taken out and back to base so they could stabilize me, then home to London for full treatment. They brought in planeloads of men and women to replace me. We were part of a large alliance called NATO. If one of the countries that's a part of that alliance is attacked, everyone else comes to their aid.

The Americans were attacked by terrorists based out of Afghanistan. That's what started the war.

[Enjoy your geopolitical lesson that doesn't answer that more personal question, Zell.]

[ Never.

The new topic is distracting enough that he does forget that line of conversation for the moment! ]

I wasn't military.
I do know bits and pieces from briefings and Ward's memories.
We were deployed for our field exam to push back Galbadia out of a city.

[ He stops there because he still remembers Jim's reaction about that just being part of his exam. ]

It sounds pretty complicated.
Nice that you have countries that have each other's backs
It sounds like

[ He stops there. Hits send and says out loud just how depressing it is that it sounds like Watson was replaceable. That any member was. That's kind of shitty. ]

[Talk about trial by fire.]

They sent a bunch of students into the middle of a war zone?

[Sorry. Pausing here.]

Yeah, they did. It was our final exam to make SeeD.

[ You mean there's something wrong with that? ]

[Bloody hell.]

How old are you, Zell?

Seventeen. Why?

Because that's very young. Did they just dump all of your fellow classmates into this? What sort of leadership and support was provided for you to coordinate your offensive with existing members of SeeD?

Edited 2017-03-30 22:29 (UTC)

Huh?
That's not young.
It's the average age. You have until you're twenty to make SeeD or you're out.
Not all of my classmates could make the cut. A lot of them were struggling with the written exam.
So there was only twelve of us.
We had active SeeD members on hand, but they were only support to ensure the mission is completed.
Our mission was to drive them out and hold our designated position.
They assigned someone in our group to be leader, which sucked big time. They assigned the biggest asshole ever to call the shots.

[ He can grump a long time about Seifer Almasy. ]

Twelve teenagers with no prior active combat experience were expected to clear a city with minimal guidance, an inexperienced commander, and almost no support. That's indescribably irresponsible on more levels than I can count. No advanced military in my world would ever sanction that sort of mission.

At the very least, they put the crows with an experienced commander. Doing otherwise is asking for something to go wrong. How many of your classmates were injured or killed? Even if the answer is 'none,' do you know what the statistics are for the general SeeD exam? Is it expected that students might die as part of the practical exam?

[He's starting to get angry on Zell's behalf.]

It's the first time we had real combat against people.
Before it was just the monsters in the training center or the ones outside Balamb.

[ That counts as combat training, right? ]

None were killed. There were a few injuries reported.
Only four of us total made SeeD.
I don't
I don't remember it completely. That was the memory that Winter took.

It's seen as something amazing where I'm from.
You're the second person who reacted like it should be different.

[ He doesn't understand what the deal is. ]

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Contains: Death

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sorry this is lame and late

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I saved that btw

I'm so glad. I did not. 8')b

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