snowblindrpg | [network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

[she sees a reply in text, and feels the urge to write more. oh, geez, this is miserable. talk about word vomit.]

it's hard to stay away from someone when u know ur worthless without them. maybe that's how your friend feels, too

i had fun with mr j, u know? an bein with someone is always better than being alone, especially when ur as pathetic as me

i'm solo now though. not even ivy's around to help. and that's my fault, i told her 2 go, that i was ready to be by myself. but i'm not. i was self-sufficient until i met him, and now i ain't got nothing anymore

i'm pathetic

yeah
you are

[Look, he's also a blunt asshole.]

i am, too
he can live without me
he's self-sufficient
i need him more than he needs me

survey says it's probably the same for you and "mr j"
doubt he'll admit it
and he's got the whole whackjob thing going for him
but he keeps pulling you back
it's because he needs you for something
and you don't actually need him as much as you think you do

and i'll agree with ya that i don't need him until he shows up at my door askin for somethin'. it's not a normal relationship. i'm sick. i know that.

that's part a' why i'm so scared of myself. i see things n hear things, sometimes, and i've done horrible things in joker's name. i gave him my identity--i was known as 'the joker's girl' for years in gotham, and even when i was free of that, i just moved onto someone else who can be strong and take care of me

and i used her, too, to the point where she probably hates me

i probably deserve to be alone. im alone here. but hell, anythin is better than bein alone in arkham

[It's not a particularly normal relationship with Wilson. House suspects if he turned up on the other man's doorstep looking needy enough, he could get Wilson to do whatever he wanted. Well... most of whatever he wanted. Add in a little vulnerability to his words and expression, tug the heartstrings just right.

House is disgusted with himself. He's never sunk that low. Not yet, anyway. Maybe he does in the future. Maybe that's part of why Wilson leaves, and it isn't just Amber.

Everything is always about you, House. He can hear Wilson's voice ringing in his own head.]

well that was dumb
and have you even talked to this chick you got to take care of you?
you already know you have shit judgement and perceptions
don't waste your time whining and wondering if you ever get back, moron
so what if you deserve to be alone?
at least you'll know where you stand with her

[oh, sure, she's talked to her. drunk on the joker, willing to tell ivy that she knew all along--doing her best to hurt her, as much as possible, because that's what harley does. because she's selfish.]

never said i was smart. and yeah, i talked ta red, an laughed in her face for lettin me take advantage of her. and she freed me from the slammer anyway.

but that doesn't matter, u know. i dont think she's here.

jus me and a buncha voices on the radio

yanno, i used ta be a shrink. if yr talkin to me, and tryna help, you can't be that bad

i'm bored
you're the first person to pipe up tonight after that freaking video went out
and you're not important

[It's... partly true. He's bored, she's the first, and what her opinions are don't really matter to him. That's not the whole of it.]

and it's a good thing you got outta the shrink business
because you apparently suck balls at it if you ran into the joker's arms

[He wants to stop there, but can't help typing more.]

if your red still pulled you out after you did that
then she thinks there's some "hope" for you
and you don't think you can trust your own judgment
maybe you should start trusting other people's
they're still probably wrong
but it's not like you can make things worse than they are

what can i say? i'm chatty

and i was a damn good shrink. u kno they always say it's the crazy ones who go into psychiatry and i aint an exception. i just fell for the wrong guy. who happened ta be my patient.

okay, so i'm really not that smart. i half-slept my way to all my degrees. really, im an idiot. worthless. a fraud. ya got me

[whoa. okay, she did not mean to say that. she's sure she worked hard, even if she slept with a professor or too, but the insecurity keeps creeping up on her, threatening to overwhelm her. fuck. this sucks.]

n it aint like reds here. maybe if she were, i wouldnt be tellin the whole of snow-hell-internet my life story while u play the worlds smallest violin or whatever it is ur doin

im tryin to stay away from puddin, honest. i mean ta. but i'm still scared i'll fuck up again. that's what i do. and it ain't like they got my meds here.

[He finally switches to a private setting.]

you tell me what you're on
they could
i've prescribed magic stone juice meds to a chick
they can probably cough up some lithium
or whatever else you're on

[good call, house. harley squirms quite a bit before responding.]

uhh last time i was in arkham the docs switched me to clozapine and depakote. which is fine, i guess, but i was only busted out a few days ago, and now im here, so who's ta say if it actually worked.

why r u tryna prescribe things in snow hell??

because we have enough crap to worry about
without some nutjob going off her meds
deciding to run back to daddy clown in a moment of weakness

[And there's that compulsion to share more again.]

and i know there's something about him
it's freaking magnetic
he's murdered me twice
i had the chance to kill him
and i couldn't
he terrifies me
but hell if i wanna be anywhere near him
hell if i want some chick with mental issues anywhere near him
especially one he's got an off and on boner for
he doesn't deserve the comfort

how'd ya know he calls himself daddy? has he talked about me at all?

[focus, harley. that isn't important.]

yeah...puddin's charismatic n' all. sorry 2 hear about the whole 'he murdered ya' thing. he's tried 2 kill me a few times, but ive always managed to survive. guess im scrappy.

do u know where he is? i promised red i wouldnt go back 2 him. im trying 2 stay away right now, swear on my babies!

Edited (i suck at formatting) 2017-03-13 05:25 (UTC)

[Oh, god...]

he's called himself my daddy

[This is so much more about the Joker's kinks than House ever actually wanted to know. Ever.]

but yeah
he's talked about you
he's running around with your hyena
apparently
last i saw the guy was at the school shed where he offed me
don't talk about the bat

[will someone please kinkshame the joker.]

HE HAS ONE OF THE BABIES??? WHICH ONE???/??

wht has he said about me

AND. uh. i was headin towards the school but i guess id better change direction
fuck
but if he has one of my babies....

gee
i wasn't paying much attention to names when he was stabbing me through the neck with a poker

he's said you're his gal
and you two do crap together back home
we didn't exactly gossip about you, babe

this was more than a week ago
he's probably moved by now
and it's a hyena
walking protein
not a baby

their names are bud and lou and they're my babies.
how dare you??!
if u ate one of my hyenas i would bash ur head in and thats a promise.

and yeah i was his gal but im a free agent right now
thats not an invitation, tho, studly. i dont do the horizontal tango with potential hyena murderers

are you actually asking a question?
how dare i?
don't be so freaking sentimental
have you looked at the food situation here?
have you looked at the fact that a pet is basically a food sink
that does nothing for you except let it cuddle you at night?
that thing wouldn't even attack on command
and it was lou
that's what he called it

listen bucko i havent eaten a damn thing since i got here so dont lecture me on the food situation
lou doesn't attack on command because he's my baby, not puddin's really.
don't call me fuckin sentimental for having a heart and loving my pets.
creep-o.

this conversation just got boring
i can see why he goes hot and cold on you
i'm ordering you clozapine and depakote
take it if you want
don't take it
good luck not going back to daddy and starting a murder spree here that dooms us all

[And he disconnects.]

jerk.

[some people just need the last word on certain things, okay.]

[network] Event: Long & Lost [NIGHT 217]

the dissonance between house's username and the message is astounding

best username for srs conversations /o/

(cw: discussion of mental illness)

(cw: discussion of mental illness)

(cw: discussion of mental illness)

(cw: discussion of mental illness)

(cw: discussion of mental illness, ableist language)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs, able-ist language)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs, able-ist language)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs, kinks???)

>private (cw: discussion of mental illness, drugs, kinks???)

>private

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>private /thread