[network] @whatisthis; morning 212; video [open]

[godsspeed]

[ The message goes up early in the day, almost immediately after Castiel wakes up. He's careful to hold his tablet the correct distance away and have it pointed at him before he starts recording - this is important, and he doesn't want anyone to be sidetracked by his confusion regarding these devices. ]

Those of you who stepped into the role of this town's Prophet last night; I need you to tell me what the beings with lights in their mouths looked like to you.

[ It's a demand as much as it is a request. He has to know if the others were being made to kill angelic effigies, immediately. Facial expressions are still something he has to make a conscious effort to preform most of the time, but even with his body language at its usual formal-neutral, there's a noticeable undercurrent of rattled desperation to his tone. Clearly the dream didn't treat him well. ]

Comments

[godsspeed]

I don't need to talk about anything. [ Statement, not a rebuke. Nothing is compelling him to speak, therefore, he does not need to. ] For a moment I thought they had come for me. And to put an end to this place.

[ He says the two things separately because "come for" could have just as easily been to apprehend as to rescue. He wasn't sure. He still isn't sure which it would be if the Host were to find this place. ]

[jumpthegun]

[It's so deadpan, John can't tell if the man is irritated or being glib at first. It become apparent that he's neither. So, he does need to talk.]

Well, I wouldn't mind them putting an end to this place, whomever they might be. Provided they were coming to get more than just you out, mate. Not to be selfish, but there are kids here.

[godsspeed]

This place is an abomination primarily because of how it removes people from the places they are meant to be. Returning the everyone here to their own realities would be of the highest priority.

[ Or so he assumes. Hopes. With the Heavenly Host as busy as it has been with more immediate matters, he can just as easily imagine some of his superiors advocating razing Norfinbury and calling it a day. Quitting while they're ahead. That approach could prove incredibly disruptive to the Plan as it pertained to God's other creations though, should any of the people here prove to have destinies not under their jurisdiction, and on top of that without Uriel they're out their demolitions specialist - no other angel or even team of angels could come close to removing a city from the face of the Earth with such precision and totality as he could. Clearer heads would have to prevail with that taken into consideration, right?

Not that it matters. All of this is hypothetical. Heaven either doesn't know he's here or doesn't care. ]

[jumpthegun]

[That's nice to hear, at least.]

Do you want to go back to your own universe? It sounds like you might have some mixed feelings on that.

[godsspeed]

I don't know that I should. Or that I deserve to.

[ But he was made for it - for it, made specifically for the purpose of watching and maintaining and protecting it. Being away from it feels wrong on a level beyond doubt and treason. It's part of the reason he's still not sure this isn't intended to be his punishment. ]

[jumpthegun]

Why wouldn't you deserve to go home? If you've made some sort of mistake, people do that. It doesn't mean you should stay in a place like this.

[There are only a few people he'd wish Norfinbury on.]

[godsspeed]

[ He's already been too free with information here, especially regarding the turmoil in Heaven. Before he had the excuse of thinking the others here were outcasts like himself, but now he knows better.

What is it that humans always say when they don't want to answer a question? ]

It's complicated.

>private

[jumpthegun]

Guilt tends to be.

[John switches to a private communication.]

Would it help if this weren't a public conversation?

private

[godsspeed]

...Somewhat. [ A lot, actually. In fact there are a lot of things he said previously in this conversation that he really shouldn't have said in a publicly viewable forum. Learning how to filter things like this is something he'll have to work on. ]

I lost faith in my commanders and my brothers-in-arms, and in that moment of doubt I made to sabotage what many of us had been working towards for our entire lives. [ He's being vague, here. He doesn't want to talk about the Apocalypse, or the Winchesters, or even Heaven. But he does want to talk about what he did. Sort of. It's complicated. ] If I was successful, then there will be no undoing the damage I did. If I wasn't, then I will die a traitor and a coward.

private

[jumpthegun]

[A soldier of heaven. Right. There's a part of John--the part still intensely loyal to queen and country--that bristles at the admission. Sabotaging a mission was unacceptable.

Except when it was. He has to remind himself that not every mission is right. Soldiers are meant to obey orders, but he'd jostled against some of his commanders in Afghanistan, calling their orders into question. They had been very rare occasions, but obeying without question was how... well. John had paid attention to his history classes in school.]

A traitor and coward to the ones you betrayed, maybe. May I ask what happened? I can't imagine it's easy for someone like you to disobey orders from on high.

private

[godsspeed]

I'm not at liberty to disclose that information.

[ The response is canned, automatic. Castiel had always been obedient to a fault before all of this. It's a hard habit to break, even with the one exception having been as major as it was. ]

But... What would you do, if you received orders that seemed to conflict with your very purpose?

private

[jumpthegun]

['I'm a fake. The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade. I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I created Moriarty for my own purposes.' It's a request--it's an order--ringing in his memory from far too many years ago.]

Tell them to go to hell and not obey.

private

[godsspeed]

I don't think that would accomplish much. I don't have the authority to request excursions into Hell or assign my commanding officers to them.

private

[jumpthegun]

[This is like talking to Ecks, but an Ecks with a firmer Earth-based context.]

I mean it figuratively. Telling someone to 'go to hell' is telling them 'no' in the strongest way possible.

private

[godsspeed]

Oh. That makes sense. [ Most things don't leave Hell once they enter it, therefore being told to go there is essentially being told the speaker never wishes to see you again. Human language is so colorful. Maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss their poetry. ]

I did not obey, but I'm still not sure it was right. It feels like cowardice, not conviction.

private

[jumpthegun]

Sometimes doing what's right still doesn't feel very good, feels like you're acting the coward. But there have to be lines you won't cross. If what you were ordered to do was across that line, then I would say you're a brave man for having the courage to stand up to your superiors. And it makes you a better person than they are.