[log] fuck [closed]

[devoutish]

Characters: Alfie Solomons, Emily Kaldwin, Gregory House, John Watson, Royce Melborn, Tifa Lockhart
Location: building 120 and building 101
Date: evening of 190 to morning of 192
Summary: when you see "House" and "Royce" in the same log you know it's gonna be a party
Warnings: ear removal

Catch-all for EVERYTHING - death, murder, torture, yelling, etc. Top-level and tag as you see fit.

Comments

[jumpthegun]

[John pulls a bit of a face.]

I care about him a lot. I want to... I don't wanna disappoint him, y'know? But we're different people. He knew the sort of man I was when we agreed to be allies, just like I knew the sort of man he was. There are things we aren't gonna agree on, and he just... pushes. I'll bend most ways, but that's not one I can do. I can't think the way he wants me to think.

[The doctor shakes his head.]

Maybe it makes me a disgusting coward. I know I'm not a good man--a good man wouldn't want to do the things I think about doing. I'd be a worse one if I did what he wants me to do for the reasons he wants me to do them. If that's where he draws the line, and we can't move past it, then that's what it'll have to be. I care about him, but I'm not breaking myself for him. I'll always work with him and try to help him where I can. He can do as he likes past that.

[bywolves]

You worry too much about being a good man. [ Did you want Royce's opinion? Too bad, you're getting it anyway, apparently. ] A good man, I'd think, would sacrifice his own good nature for the good of others. You're as much a martyr as any other doctor I've known. I'm surprised you haven't justified it that way to yourself.

[ Royce rests his hand in his palm, elbow on his knee. ] It doesn't matter. If you don't do it, someone else will. [ A beat. ] Amazing, though, how someone like Solomons can make people not want to disappoint him.

[ aka Royce is right there with you, buddy. ]

[jumpthegun]

He's got a pull. Every good commander has.

[John rubs his face, letting out an annoyed sigh.]

And it's not about justifying it to myself.

[bywolves]

Then what is it about? [ He's curious. ]

cw: discussion of suicidal ideations

[jumpthegun]

It's about being able to help people after. If I kill in cold-blood... if I cross that line, I'm not sure I'll want to do anything apart from put a gun to my own head after to make sure that's as far as it goes. I wouldn't be able to trust that I could stop myself after. It's like bloody Stein.

[John falls silent, realizing he shouldn't have said that.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce pauses, because he's not entirely sure how to handle this one, or if he even really wants to. Or if John wants to hear anything Royce has to say about it, but. ]

Is that what you think of people who have killed others? [ Royce asks, vaguely amused. ] Do you think I can't control myself, or is this just you that you're concerned about? [ A beat. ] Did you do something to Stein?

[jumpthegun]

I'm a soldier, Duster. I've kill people. [Let's just get that out of the way. He's not going to tell Royce about his murder proper for Sherlock, though.] They were specific circumstances and there were limits. I haven't got a problem with killing someone who's actively trying to kill me or someone else. Or an enemy combatant. That's not what we're talking about, though.

I think... you've got your own rules worked out for what you'll do and what you won't do in your line of work and life. I don't have those rules worked out. So, yeah. It's just me I'm worried about.

And I haven't done anything to Stein. That's the problem. He made me his medical proxy. I can ask the Admin to use her nanomachine lobotomy thing to take out his violent impulses. But he's in his right mind and thinks it should be done. [John grits his teeth.] He said I have to be the one to ask, but I promised someone else I wouldn't ask the Admin to use it. Stein won't make any of the other doctors his proxy. [John laughs briefly, bitterly.] He said he wanted me because I'm morally conflicted. And he won't pull that trigger himself for whatever reason.

[bywolves]

[ It's not... entirely far off from Royce's rules for himself, honestly, which makes him look vaguely amused. ]

You'd be surprised how similarly my rules for killing people match up with yours. [ He doesn't kill people for fun. He kills people when they actively threaten his existence - and he has a loose and fast way of judging whether or not someone is threatening his existence. House is constantly an exception to this rule. ]

Mm. [ In any case. Royce thinks. ] I'd say you shouldn't, whether he asks for it or not. If he's insistent, he should do it for himself. [ A pause. ] You think House is not morally conflicted? This Stein chose you because it bothers you. Likely trying to teach you a lesson.

[jumpthegun]

[Okay, they can continue in a moment, but John's just going to stare at Royce for a few seconds because are they actually agreeing on something? And what the hell is he on about with their respective rules?]

O... kay? Are we having a moment, because this is a little bit weird?

[bywolves]

[ Royce raises his eyebrow at John, chin still in his palm. ]

If we were, you've just ruined it. [ He's still a little amused. ]

[jumpthegun]

[Does Royce actually have a sense of humor? John's own lips twitch up into a rueful smile for a moment. He can't help it.]

I do have a habit of that. [John runs a hand down his face.] Sorry. I'm not doing anything with Stein for now. Alfie thinks I should. But we're not agreeing on much lately. As you've noticed. I honestly don't know what to tell you, Duster. I don't know that we can make up from this, not unless he's willing to give.

[bywolves]

[ Of course he has a sense of humor! It just hasn't had the chance to come out much here. ]

Solomons is not one to give. [ Royce knows this. ] He thinks you should set the administrator on Stein? [ Ooh, that doesn't sit well with Royce. ]

[jumpthegun]

I know.

[Which is why John's preparing himself mentally for the possibility that his friendship with Alfie is over. Selfishly, he wants to put off fighting and coming to that decision for as long as humanly possible. He's going to miss the other man too much.]

He thinks I should do it, yeah. Stein gave me permission, so apparently that's all that matters.

[bywolves]

No. [ Royce scowls. ] You let her do it to one person, and everybody else is subject to it.

[jumpthegun]

Yeah. It's the slippery slope argument. I know. And that's part of it... atop the whole thing of us already being mind-controlled enough. Plus making a promise. I'm not gonna break my word to a friend. Managed to get out of that argument before we got too far into it. Don't think he's very happy with my there, either, though.

[bywolves]

[ ... Okay, see, that's not what he's expecting. Royce figured Watson would be on the other side of the argument, but he isn't. Royce gives John a flat look. ]

No, you're right this is weird. I'm not sure I like agreeing with you.

[jumpthegun]

[Considering John's done a 180 from where he was when he initially brought the whole thing up, it's not unreasonable for Royce to be confused on where the doctor stands. He scoffs lightly before replying.]

And I thought you'd agree with Alfie. So, here we are. It's not worth getting into a fight over there when we've got something bigger separating us, though. [He sighs again.] If Sherlock comes back... we'll probably have to deal with it then. That's my side of things, anyway. Do with it what you want.

[bywolves]

Contrary to the common belief, Solomons and I are not the same person. I argue with him about as much as you do, I'd imagine. [ Well, maybe not as often or over the same sort of stuff, but still. ]

Hm. If I run across the Joker, I'll likely kill him. [ Royce watches John closely for his reaction to this. ] It won't be on your hands.

[jumpthegun]

Mm... [Royce really is Alfie's version of Sherlock in many ways. It's both strange and comforting.

His expression is impassive when Royce says he's going to kill the Joker.]

Okay. That doesn't really fix the problem. And I don't think it's any more right, you doing it than me.

[bywolves]

Nothing is going to solve the problem. [ Royce says, lifting his eyebrows. ] There is no solution to this other than hoping he just doesn't come back once he's dead.

I'm not actively planning on it. I won't chase him. I have better things to do with my time. I'd just rather kill him before he kills me, my allies, or worse.

[jumpthegun]

I really don't like agreeing with you this much. [John draws his knees up and rests his forehead on them.]

Do whatever you're gonna do. I can't stop you, anyway.

[bywolves]

[ Eyebrows still raised! ]

No, you can't, but I'm surprised to hear you admit it. [ A pause. ] This place really has beaten you down.

[jumpthegun]

I'm pretty sure my best friend melted last night, Duster. I'll be fine in a day or two. Just give me a few days, and I'm sure I'll be annoying you proper again.

[bywolves]

Melted. [ Jeeze, that's morbid. ] You do know I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, Watson. I didn't know.

[jumpthegun]

I know. But that's why Alfie and I haven't really talked about anything else. He's being nice. He doesn't have to be, but he is. [Which is what gives John some tiny measure of hope that the other man is still willing to bend to make this work.]