[network] @hotstud_xxx; Night 112 [text]

[rubikscomplex]

[He needs to do some damage control on his image, not to mention drag his own mind away from the fact that he's done very little in the past few days to stop people doing things that are going to get them killed. So, what better way than being a nuisance?]

good evening and welcome, ladies, gentlemen and goat-things
to snowhell's first edition of the most eligible bachelor
our contestant tonight?
you know him as that guy who rhymes with man-pain
kain!

ladies (or guys)
for tonight only
we're showing an exclusive pic
get a peek under the hood and decide if you want the junk in that trunk

call in now to ask questions about our bachelor
and bid on him
heard someone's got condoms
might wanna keep em handy

[And to go along with this nonsense, there's an attached PNG. kman.png]

Comments

Ahaha you're fine!

[deus_ex_phs]

What, you think I can't get a girlfriend by myself?

[Oh, you did not just pull that trick. Kunsel squawks in turn as he tries to fend of Jim, twisting and reaching up to catch his arms when the teen tries to monkey his way onto Kunsel's back. If he can get a good grip, Jim might find himself getting literally flipped off. If not...

Well, Jim's not the only one who knows a few dirty tactics. Kunsel has backup plans.]

[rattlingthestars]

You-

[ Jim at least manages to get his arms around Kunsel's shoulders, though that means he's dangling off his back and swinging around in an attempt to avoid Kunsel grabbing him. He's still sounding smug enough that he apparently thinks he's won, though. ]

-tell me!

[deus_ex_phs]

Excuse you, I have had plenty of girlfriends! I'm just not putting it on high priority here!

[Think you've won here, is that so? Kunsel grunts and twists again, but when that fails to dislodge Jim, he changes tactics and reaches.

Time to find out if Jim is ticklish on his sides!]

[rattlingthestars]

Looks like you are n-

[ Wait.

Wait no.

This has gone horribly wrong, abort, abort!

Jim is dropping like a stone off Kunsel's shoulders and trying to pull his legs out from under him instead (hey, it worked on Zack!), but not before some really embarrassing laughter (NOT GIGGLING) is happening. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

[Just like Zack, Jim manages to grab Kunsel's legs, too, but Kunsel's expecting him to pull something after all those dirty tricks, and he's also got SOLDIER bullshit nimbleness. Down he goes with a startled yelp, but reflexes kick in with enough time to slap his hands on the ground and twist his fall into a sweeping kick. Jim might find his own feet knocked out from under him if he's not careful!]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Yep, Jim's going flying, but he's laughing the whole way. Worth it! ]

Does that count as a throw?

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel barks a laugh, knowing exactly where that question stems from.]

Did you actually do any throwing?

[He's not waiting for an answer, though. He springs back up and is on Jim in a flash, going straight for those ticklish sides.]

[rattlingthestars]

Y - yes -!

[ Jim's up until now very organized defense falls into kicking and yelling protests. Kunsel is THE WORST. ]

You're never going to get bid on this way!

[deus_ex_phs]

I think I need to teach you what a proper throw is!

[But first he's going to teach you to fear every finger on his hands. He is merciless in tickling Jim!]

Who says I want to get bid on?

[rattlingthestars]

Doctor Grinch Hotstud?

[ Careful, Kunsel, Jim kicks! Stop it! ]

Show you a proper throw -!

[deus_ex_phs]

You'd take his word over mine?

[Kunsel sounds mock-indignant even as he tries to dodge that kick to keep tickling. Indignation's a little hard to manage when you're laughing, though.]

Go on, try it! I dare you!

[rattlingthestars]

I don't know, he's never tackled me!

[ Somehow, Jim actually manages to sound indignant. ]

Get off and I'll show you a throw.

[deus_ex_phs]

That's only because he doesn't care about you like I do.

[Surprisingly enough, though, he does let go.]

But alright, then, show me what you've got! Just don't expect me to let you throw me, Jim.

[rattlingthestars]

C'mon, really?

[ Jim scrambles back to his feet, looking a little pouty that Kunsel's not going to hold still and let him demonstrate his skills. He's used to practicing on an opponent nearly a foot shorter and a lot easier to distract than Kunsel.

He holds back a moment, evaluating the situation, before shrugging and holding out his arms at his side. ]

Here, try to grab me.

[deus_ex_phs]

Alright.

[Kunsel's game to play along. He may not be intending to make it easy for Jim, but Jim does need at least something to work with. He eyes the young man for a moment, then darts forward - nothing fancy, just a basic lunge. Let's see what you've got, Jim Hawkins.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTasWR2R61E

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim takes a sharp breath, apparently not quite ready to actually have someone a foot taller than he is coming at him full-speed. He's used to training with a much shorter opponent, after all.

But he's quick on his feet, at least, and ducks sideways. If Kunsel doesn't catch him, Jim's grabbing onto the elbow of his jacket and pulling to twist Kunsel around enough that he's off balance when Jim tries to sweep his legs out from under. ]

[deus_ex_phs]

[Kunsel's not going easy on Jim.

But he's also making the mistake of not taking him completely seriously either, not giving this his SOLDIER best. That mistake costs him when the teen catches the elbow of his jacket. Kunsel just has time to make a startled noise of surprise before twist, sweep, and down, and he's hitting the ground.

Though his own hands might have caught Jim, pulling him with him.

But either way, he still connects with an oof. It's just a question of whether or not Jim fell on top of him!]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim, for all his occasional cockiness, isn't actually expecting it to work. Sure, Zell's a great teacher, but he doesn't think he's the best student in the world, and he is going up against a world-class soldier.

But it does work at Jim's shock is profound enough that he doesn't remember to duck out of the way of Kunsel's grabbing hands and goes down hard.

At least he has been paying attention about how to fall - rolling if Kunsel will let go of him to fall flat on his back, weight evenly distributed, hopefully bruise-free.

Grinning at the ceiling too. ]

-Told you.

[deus_ex_phs]

[Well, Kunsel's not trying to hurt Jim. This isn't even really a spar, just a demonstration. He lets Jim go when the cadet pulls away, which in turn frees his hands so he can roll over and sit up, giving Jim an incredulous look.]

Well, color me impressed. Good job.

[The praise is completely, 100% genuine. Kunsel can acknowledge skill when he sees it!

And now he's grinning, too.]

I'm going to have to keep my eyes on you.

[rattlingthestars]

[ The grin gets impossibly bigger at that good job as he laughs silently from where he's apparently staying comfortable on the floor. He actually did that! Considering the glimpses he's seen of what someone of Kunsel's class can do when they're not messing around, he can't quite believe it.

The smile turns from wonder to mischief when Kunsel says that, though. ]

You're not gonna see me coming.

[deus_ex_phs]

Keep up moves like that and maybe I won't.

[But despite that concession, Kunsel's grinning mischievously back, too.]

Or maybe I won't because you'll be the one getting flipped next time.

[Jim did good, really good, flipping a trained SOLDIER like that, and never mind that Kunsel weighs a good deal more than him. Still, that doesn't mean he'll have the same luck as this next time.

Especially if Kunsel's learned now that he doesn't have to hold back.]

[rattlingthestars]

Yeah, we'll see.

[ Okay, realistically, that's not the kind of move you pull off twice, or at least not the kind of move Jim pulls off against a Kunsel who sees him coming. Still, he's high on victory and enough of a shit to add: ]

-if your date doesn't sweep you away.

[deus_ex_phs]

Wait, what? What date?

[Jim is a shit. Kunsel knows he's a shit. And yet he still rises to the bait.]

[rattlingthestars]

The one coming courting [ Here, Jim bats his eyelashes and makes a hand gesture that's supposed to suggest... something? ] as soon as the doctor finishes selling you off.

...You know that guy won't even promise to share the dowry?

[deus_ex_phs]

[If Jim wanted a reaction, he's got one. Kunsel twitches visibly at the jibe.]

Jim Hawkins, you are asking for me to flip you right now.

[Better make a run for it, boy!]