[network] @hjack69; A message to @dulcedeleche [open] [cw: murder and death threats]

[youarethebandits]

[The post starts out as voice, with Jack sounding particularly cheerful about something.]

Hey there, Norfinbury! Jack here, with a special message to everyone's favourite lady of mystery, Winter. But before we get to that, let's get something cleared up first.

[The feed switches to video, showing Vriska reading out loud from a piece of paper.]

I, Vriska Serket, hereby state that I am of sound mind and am consenting to everything that is about to occur. I am not under duress or any form of coersion or manipulation - heh - and am fully aware that neither Handsome Jack-- whoa, is that seriously your for-real name? ...right, uh. I am fully aware that neither Handsome Jack nor the Hyperion Corporation bear any legal or moral responsibility for any and all consequences arising from the events that will follow this disclaimer. I also officially state for the record that Handsome Jack is cool and handsome, and that I fully recognise any and all claims to awesomeness coming from his person.
That's it, right?

[Jack's hand comes into view, giving her a thumbs up.]

Oh, right, word of warning. If you're of a faint disposition, or a little kid or whatever, you may want to stop watching now.

[The view swings around to the ceiling as he places the tablet on a table. Soon after, there is a faint but disturbing sound - it's Vriska, and she's choking. It lasts for several moments before being followed by a nasty crack.

Jack picks the tablet back up, turning it to show a now very clearly dead Vriska with dark bruises around her neck.]

Hope you're watching, Winter. This is what we call a demonstration. You keep up the silent treatment, and whoever's next will probably not be okay with getting killed.

And for everyone else - I know you're already getting ready to spam me with how could you, Jack and I'll stop you, Jack and Jack how are you so handsome and brilliant please marry me. Before you hit that post button, keep in mind that I've heard it all before. So many times. Don't waste everyone's time by being boring.

Comments

@starspangledhero; video

[fifty]

What the hell is wrong with you?! [America doesn't care what you've heard a million times!]

[youarethebandits]

Bzz!

[Yes, he just made the quiz show "wrong answer" noise. Really.]

Try again, this time with something less stupid.

[fifty]

No wonder Steve was warning people about you. [America is plainly furious.] You can't just have some alien kid agree to murder! You shouldn't just go around murdering people to make some point to someone who might not even be watching!

[youarethebandits]

It's not making a point, it's extortion. Big difference.

[fifty]

Either way it's evil!

[youarethebandits]

Blah, blah, blah. I'm not here to talk morality.

[fifty]

Assholes like you never are. [Huff.] Okay, fine. If I see you around, I'm going to kill you. Got it?

[youarethebandits]

Aaaaand, let's see... yup, that makes it a bingo!

[He holds up a piece of paper to the camera. It is an actual bingo card with the squares filled with the kind of responses people are making, almost word to word.

And yes, he's actually gotten a bingo.]

Thanks, pumpkin. Couldn't have done it without you.

[fifty]

I really don't care.

[youarethebandits]

Yup, got that one here too.

[He crosses out another square.]

[fifty]

Obviously you don't care, but what if that kid doesn't come back? Surviving could get pretty tough for you.

[youarethebandits]

I'll figure something out.