[network] @ADMIN; Arrival [open]

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Welcome to Norfinbury. The time is E̛̬̞͖͖̫R҉͖̯̬R̼̻͉̰͎̳̙O̩͓͔̫͇͈̯R and the date is E̛̬̞͖͖̫R҉͖̯̬R̼̻͉̰͎̳̙O̩͓͔̫͇͈̯R. This network has been provided for your use. Please interact politely with everyone else on this network.

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[rattlingthestars]

[ That would be a wince, followed by a massively guilty look, followed by Jim pinching the bridge of his nose before he even tried to explain. ]

Two - no, more like three weeks ago. We were walking together - me and you and a guy named Hiro, the others were somewhere else - and ... I lost you. It was almost dark, there was a lot of snow coming down, and I knew if I didn't get the two of us to shelter we'd freeze to death. I'd hoped you'd make your own way back there, but you never showed up, and.

[ And then he'd had to explain to Zack and Kunsel and Tifa that Cloud was dead, and then they'd looked for him for days with dwindling hopes, and then given up. But: ]

...sometimes people die here, and then come back to life. Like I said, usually there's something wrong with them. Usually sorts itself out in a few days.

/action

[swatsflies]

[He's been pretty aware something is up and it doesn't take long for he finds out the cause. He remembers how hard Jim took Cloud being missing. He remembers him being upset just from remembering that time.

He puts his tablet down and moves to sit beside Jim. Helping himself to wrapping his arms around him to give him a squeeze.] Hey you...

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim looks up at Zell with relief and folds easily into the hug. He keeps the tablet close at hand for any new messages from Cloud, but just then his attention is on his ... Zell. Yeah. ]

Hey.

[ When that comes out too weak, Jim clears his throat. He'd really wanted to talk to Zell about something else today, but this will have to come first. Three days and he's already screwing this up, probably. ]

I guess you saw on the network, huh? Who's back?

[swatsflies]

[If by screwing this up he means the opposite, then yeah he's doing good. Keeping his arms around him even if he was chatting to someone on the network. Sorry, Cloud, you might have to deal with the addition of a blond, but he's not going to join in the conversation. Just hugging his Jim.]

Yeah, I spoke to him for a bit. So, that's Cloud.

[It's nice being able to put a face to the name, even if being brought here really sucks.]

Do you want to talk about it? [He still remembers how upset Jim was over Cloud being missing. That was a pretty crappy time already and then that had to happen.]

[rattlingthestars]

Yeah. That's Cloud. Alive. [ Jim sounds a little stunned about that. Yeah, it's awful that Cloud's back here, but it's sure better than the alternative. Jim's quiet for a while, staring at the tablet, before he clears his throat: ]

What - um, what did you want to know? About him?

[swatsflies]

He's alive.
[Tightening his arms around him as he places a kiss against Jim's hair.]
What happened when he was around the first time?

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim squirms a little in Zell's arms before he settles. Before, this was one of the things he would've disappeared and worked through by himself, but lately he hasn't wanted to be on his own. Ever. He takes a deep breath, trying to work out how much to say, before it came spilling out: ]

He first got here before I even met up with Zack and Kunsel. We all ran into each other by chance up at the store one day and Zack asked me to come with them 'cause we all wanted to check out the wall. Cloud was ... really bad off. Something that happened back on his world. [ He wants to tell Zell what, but it's not his to tell. He knows that. ] But he couldn't walk on his own, could barely talk.

[swatsflies]

[Kunsel was talking about something similar that can happen, but it's too soon to make that leap of judgement. Resting his head against the other.]

So, he wasn't doing too well. [Then things quickly fall into place. He remembers that Zack and Kunsel went to go meet up with Tifa. It was before those messages appeared.

He also knows who was in the group when he met up with them. His stomach knotted as he hoped that Zack and them made it in time to be there when Cloud wandered off.] Who was in the group at the time?

[rattlingthestars]

When we first started traveling together? Him, me, Kunsel, Zack, Hiro, and Tadashi - Hiro's brother. Plus Mochi.

[ Jim sighs. ]

Tadashi died, and - [ It feels wrong to gloss over that, but it's not important. ] - not long after that, Dr. Epps gets kidnapped. He and Zack were friends back then, so Zack and Kunsel take off to go find him. Needed to move fast, so the rest of us stayed behind.

[ This is getting to the hard part, now. ]

Between one thing and another they were gone for over a week. We did pretty well until the night before we were supposed to meet up again.

[swatsflies]

[Shit. Shit. Shit. It's killing him to know it was just Jim and Hiro (and Mochi), even if they weren't all close then. Hugging him tighter as he moves to rub Jim's back.]

Jim... [He almost wants to pull Jim into his lap.] And Cloud wandered off? [And Jim feels guilty over it because Cloud wasn't in a good place and they couldn't find him?]

[rattlingthestars]

He was better, by then. Could walk on his own and everything. Weather was so bad you couldn't see in front of your face, and we weren't holding hands or anything. He kept going straight when we turned.

[ Having to explain that to Zack and Tifa? Yeah, Jim's never going to be able to forget that. He leans back on Zell and takes a long, deep breath, more glad than ever for the steady presence at his side. ]

-But he's back now, so... I guess it's alright.

[swatsflies]

He probably wanted to help find Tifa. [If he was better, than he chose himself. He chose to wander off, even with the storm, right?

Who even knows. He has a feeling saying that out loud won't really help. Moving a hand up to slide through Jim's hair a bit as he thinks it over.]

Yeah, he's back now. [A Cloud who doesn't remember and didn't wake up in a body bag.] Sorry. [He knows he said it before when he first heard they were looking for a friend, but he's saying it again. Just going to stay there with his arms around his boyfriend until he's ready to move or share anything more.]

[rattlingthestars]

No, she was on her way back by then. And we knew Sephiroth was out there, too, so he knew how dangerous it was.

[ Jim's not objecting to the main point, though. Instead he lapses into silence for a while, with only a hum to acknowledge what Zell said. ]

No one ever told you about that either, huh?

[ At least, Jim hadn't. He'd been too distracted that night, and then... well, then all three of them had died. ]

[swatsflies]

About why to stay away from Mr. Psycho Hair?

[Shaking his head.] Not really. Tifa was pretty upset and everyone was on edge.

[Emotions were high and he was caught in the middle in more than one way. Cissnei and Tifa were both his friends. He didn't want to really pick a side, especially going in blind.]

[rattlingthestars]

Yeah, no kidding.

[ At the time, Jim had just been glad Zell had stayed close. If he hadn't... well, Jim doesn't want to think about that, but when it crosses his mind he turns and brushes Zell's cheek. ]

I guess it's not important now, but it was kind of what Kunsel and Tifa were fighting about.

[swatsflies]

[He really couldn't help but to smile at the contact.

Sephiroth could still come back. Cloud did, which means anyone else could]

Fighting over him? [And then he remembers how Cissnei was stressing that Shinra did good, too.] Does it have to do with whatever Shinra is? Cissnei seemed worried that I might have heard something bad about it.

1/3

[meteorrains]

[Okay.

Let's just. Take a moment and round up this day so far.

He woke up in a windowless room that belonged to a collapsed house in a snow covered hell with no exit and no way to contact anyone who wasn't part of the network.

Had met multiple who knew his name and knew things about him they shouldn't, bringing up subjects they shouldn't, when he was certain he'd never seen them before in his life.

Tifa was, naturally, from a time new years previous to the point he had come from.

And now he gets to find out he died.

Excuse him for a moment. That's just going to take a few seconds to process.]

[meteorrains]

[Processing.

Processing.

Processing.]

I lied it'll be four please excuse me

[meteorrains]

[How to deal with this?

How was anyone supposed to deal with this?

He had died and returned to life weeks later, in a place he had no memory of.

This was weird, even for someone who had returned to the Lifestream and had promptly been kicked back out.]

[meteorrains]

[But then he catches that look of guilt and the memory of his own comes flooding back. Of his own misplaced blame over the loss of people he had felt responsible for, of people he had wanted and failed to protect. Guilt and grief and agony over losses that he weren't his fault, not really, but he still carried that weight upon his own shoulders.

Are sin ever forgiven?

Everything about him softens - whatever confusion had previously been contained within his expression falls away, leaving something lighter, something not quite a smile. Whatever steel had been within electric blue eyes fades, leaving something akin to understanding with a hint of forgiveness.]

It's alright. I don't blame you. [Blame really wasn't his to be handing out, but somehow, he had a feeling it was the right thing to say at that moment.] I would've done the same.

[rattlingthestars]

[ The understanding is unexpected, the forgiveness even less so. Jim had never thought he'd get the chance to apologize, much less be forgiven, and for a long few seconds he's just staring at the tablet, opening and closing his mouth.

He's not going to cry on the poor guy, alright? But he kind of wants to, and there's no denying that he's speaking around a lump in his throat: ]

-We looked for you. Sent messages, but... I don't think you can get them if you changed your name on the tablet. [ Something about that's niggling Jim. He'd never been prompted to change his name when he died, had he? ] I'm really glad you're back, man.

[meteorrains]

[Survivors guilt was a strange thing, one that caused you to replay each scenario within your mind a thousand times, searching desperately for that one little you could have, should have changed in order for everything to have gone differently. If only you had been stronger. If only you had been faster. If only you hadn't let go of that person's hand.

And it would eat at you, tearing away at the core of everything you were until the guilt was an overwhelming weight resting squarely upon your shoulders and crushing you.

He had lived in that state for so long, had suffered with those thoughts of guilt and memories of failings that he didn't want to be the reason or cause for anyone else's. Forgiveness was the salve that would ease the ache, even if it wouldn't cure it completely. The cure could only come when you finally learned how to forgive yourself.

Even if that was easier said than done.]

It's alright. [Although being able to read and listen to all of his old correspondences would likely answer quite a few of the questions he held, he got the distinct feeling he'd really rather not do so.] I'm sorry I don't remember anything.

I'm so sorry this took forever, i was struggling

[rattlingthestars]

[ It's Jim's first real experience with the feeling - they'd had deaths before Cloud, and after, but none of them had felt so completely Jim's fault. None of them had ended with him admitting, in fits and starts, to Zack and - and Tifa, that they were just a day too late. He hadn't seen Zack break down after the rest, hadn't held him as he cried.

But it doesn't matter now, does it? Cloud's back. That means none of it matters now. And even if he raises a good point, Jim's just shaking his head and giving him a weak smile. ]

-Like I said. It should come back in a few days. Or... even if it doesn't, we can fill you in.

[ The smile gets a little stronger. ]

-I'm going to spoil it for you, though, there was a lot of walking through snow. Try not to be surprised.

No worries! Sorry for the short tag in reply!

[meteorrains]

[Way to go, Jim. You've gone and ruined the entire experience for him. Learn to mark your spoilers better, golly gee whiz.]

I wouldn't have guessed.

[It wouldn't be so bad, really. He had grown up in the mountains, where snow drifts often became taller than he was. He wasn't entirely poorly dressed for the occasion, although he had a feeling if he had known he was about to dropped into snow hell, he would have gone for a warmer shirt.]

[rattlingthestars]

Hm, well, that's why you've got experienced guides around.

[ Jim does a little better at a light tone this time. It's going to be alright, isn't it? Because like he told Zell, at least Cloud is alive, which means all the grief and guilt from his death should be easy to put aside now.

That's how it works, isn't it?

He clears his throat. ]

-All that and I don't think I told you my name. This is weird. I'm Jim.