powersouls: (005)
Tifa Lockhart ([personal profile] powersouls) wrote in [community profile] snowblindrpg2015-12-29 07:32 pm

[log] mmm whatcha say [closed]

Characters: Zack, Tifa, Zell, Kunsel, and... Jim? Kind of?
Location: House 43
Date: Day 72
Summary: Jim tries to take out a monster and fails miserably.
Warnings: Death, violence, grief? You know, Snowhell stuff.

heroproceeding: (FROWNY FACE.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-30 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
It's not- It does have- Damn it, that's not what I meant!

[ As soon as the words are out, he finds himself flinching back. He shouldn't be taking it out on Tifa like that. This isn't her fault. It's not her fault he didn't talk to him. It's not her fault he didn't say what he should have said back then. It's not her fault he didn't explain, didn't apologize, didn't make things right. Too many "didn't"s and "should have"s. Not enough "did"s.

He's a fucking fool and this is his price to pay.

He covers his face with a hand, taking in controlled breaths to try and calm himself down. He'd come to see how she was doing- not to cause an argument. She's not even yelling at him. What is he doing? Shaking his head once... Then again before he runs his hand down off his face and looks to her apologetically yet firmly. His own words fall much quieter than before, his eyes not entirely on hers.
]

It's my choice, Tifa. Just like you choose to watch out for everyone, that's my decision to make, too. On my honor as SOLDIER. Or at least...
heroproceeding: (I didn't think I'd be living Vegetales.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
At least... [ He trails off again, grasping at words. Failing miserably again. How does he even explain? Would she even believe him? He doesn't know. ...But how's he ever going to know if she will or won't unless he tries, huh. So, he finally stops his pacing. Finally grounds himself and crosses his own arms, leaving only one hand hanging in the air to gesture loosely in emphasis. ]

Tifa, look... I get it. I get why you hate SOLDIER and I don't blame you after what happened back then. But that's not... I'm not with SOLDIER anymore. I haven't been in years. [ He shakes his head slowly as he looks away, letting his hand drop and swing to the side. ] It's not about the program...
heroproceeding: (тнιяту-ѕєνєи)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
[ He's known her long enough by now to read that as trouble. She's uncomfortable. He doesn't blame her. It's never easy to talk about Nibelheim. Not now. Probably not ever. Especially when the very man who would one day be responsible for the whole incident lives and breathes somewhere in town. But now that he's started this, there's no going back, is there.

And really, a part of him's realizing... this needs to be addressed anyway. Even if it's not easy. So, he finds her eyes, his own seeming to glow more intense than usual.
]

It's about what it means to me. [ He gives her a moment to let those words sink in. And then afterwards, he... goes back to crossing his arms as he takes a step away from her. Then another. Just a very slow paced walk. It would almost look casual if not for all the tension in the house. ]

It's about helping people, no matter what. And not leaving... [ His brows knit. ] anyone behind. About protecting them, even if it means from themselves.

[ He spins around to face her fully again and... rocks his feet back. And forth. And back again before pausing unfolding his arms, looking down at his hands. ] And sometimes when it comes down to it... [ He looks up almost cautiously, even as he shakes his curled hands in emphasis. ] Sometimes it's about being willing to give your own life if it means sparing the life of the ones who matter to you.
heroproceeding: (pic#9692231)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
Cloud did... Cloud stopped him. Not me. [ It hurts to mention him here. He knows it'll probably hurt her, too. But it's still the truth. He had... And even then... It hadn't changed things. Nibelheim had burned. All those people had perished. And apparently, things hadn't ended there from what she had told them. About Sephiroth. About meteor... Granted, there's still a lot of confusing things he's trying to work out with her story there. But he at least gets that he came back. And they had been trying to stop him again.

So much for helping.

But that... Zack rubs the side of his neck before his hand travels to the groove of his stubble. He looks down, shakes his head, and sighs.
] And I know I stopped Zell. I just...

[ He closes his eyes. 'I wish I could have saved Jim, too' feels like they're just going back around in circles. Thinking it alone gets that constricted feeling going in his chest. He finds himself slumping a bit, regardless. ] I wish I could'a done more.
heroproceeding: (тωєиту-тняєє - ѕєρнιяσтн)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's been years since that day, certainly. But it's hard to forget something like that. Especially hard considering that was the last time he and Tifa had ever seen each other. It's enough to jar him out of those other less than pleasant thoughts for a moment. If only to fall into other less than pleasant thoughts as he blinks at her in surprise.

Surprise that turns into something more somber. Somber and understanding. Almost cautiously, he breaks the distance to her side. And after a hesitating moment, he touches a hand to her shoulder.
] It's alright. I mean Tifa, after all that happened... [ He shakes his head once more, but his eyes stay on her. ] I don't blame you. Never did.

[ Losing her family, her friends, her home. Almost her life. Who would? ]
Edited 2015-12-31 03:12 (UTC)
heroproceeding: (A city I've never been)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ Heat of the moment, sure, he knows she did. But... That had been how long ago now. Enough time, well. At least for her to consider things. To turn them over in her head. Perhaps not to entirely get over things and... well, really, he can't blame her there either. But...

But that still doesn't stop the way he freezes a second at that feeling of her hand on his, at those words. But then there's also the feeling of a small weight being lifted from his shoulders. It's not enough to pull a smile from him. Things still are far from okay. But it is enough for him to give her a squeeze on the shoulder as he lowers his eyes.
]

I'm sorry I didn't stop him sooner.
heroproceeding: (I FOUND A HUGGING ICON.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
THERE PERFECT ALL THE HUGS
heroproceeding: (IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
[ Repeating things over and over... In reality, it changes nothing.

Apologizing now changes nothing, too. She's not the one he should be apologizing to. Not about him.

He should be apologizing to him. But he...

It takes him a moment to register her arms coming around him. It takes him a moment more to even react. But when he does, it's almost too fast in comparison. He hugs her tightly, head over shoulder and eyes blurring even as he blinks constantly.
]

Damn it, we've gotta find a way outta this place... [ Before anyone else... ]
heroproceeding: (SO FUCKING DONE.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 07:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ He hears that shaky breath and it just adds to that sick feeling in his gut. But breaking down isn't going to do her any favors. It's not going to do any of them favors, really. All it'll do is just add to that ever encroaching guilt. Guilt that's only further fed by that question. He takes controlled breaths at first, just trying to keep himself reined in.

Only once he feels like he's going to keep it together long enough without his voice breaking or going hoarse... That's when he finally speaks.
]

Not your fault- we... Bomb. We should make another one of those. After we check... [ He trails off. Bringing up the hospital right then... His throat constricts at the very consideration. ]
Edited 2015-12-31 07:54 (UTC)
heroproceeding: (NO WORDS.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 08:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He feels that nod of confirmation against him and goes tense for just a split second. By the next though, he rests his chin lightly on top of her head, humming at her admission. Pausing at her question.

It might sound ridiculous. But really, considering how many people they've lost lately... and in such a short measure of time...
]

...That might not be a bad idea. [ He pauses again, shifting his posture to something a bit more comfortable. ] We should stick together, too. No more splitting up. Not if we can help it.

[ They might not be able to prevent that if a monster makes that happen, but... Leaving to help Clayton, while rescuing him hadn't been a mistake... Leaving the others alone then had. And he won't make that same mistake again. ]
heroproceeding: (SO DONE WITH SNOWHELL.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's one tense moment where he just has to even let those words sink in because a part of him wants to reject that question outright. A part of him wants that to never have to be a question they should have to ask. Things shouldn't be this way.

But they are. And they have been. There's no avoiding this. It's a question he's asked himself a million times since he's been there. He remembers how avid Kunsel had been about the obituaries- just like the reports. Killed in action. Killed in action. Killed in action. Angeal, Genesis, Sephiroth. Even himself. All lies.

But that had been different.

That had been ShinRa. That had been cover ups and lies. How can you call the monster that swallowed up Hiro a fluke? The attack on Ed that shook Al so badly, he barely managed a conversation with him? Another who had Freya in tatters? Or what that creature did to...

He shuts his eyes tight, taking in another stiff breath. His exhale comes out as more of a shudder than he intends to let it.
]

I don't know. [ But the way he suddenly seems to curl his arms around impossibly tighter might be more answer than those words. ]
Edited 2015-12-31 22:24 (UTC)
heroproceeding: (SON OF A SOMETHING.)

[personal profile] heroproceeding 2016-01-01 08:26 am (UTC)(link)
[ It takes him another minute to compose himself once more. It's cruel to lose himself again like this. Stop. Focus again, Fair. He takes a few more careful breaths. Do it if not for himself then for Tifa. For her and for Zell and for Kunsel, too. Stop it, damn it!

Only once he feels... slightly more in control of his emotions again. Only once he thinks he's got himself in check again does he softly cede.
]

I know... [ His eyes still burn. His throat feels tight again right after he speaks. But he's... getting there. He finds himself subconsciously rubbing circles against her back. Whether it's to help her or help himself, he's not sure. ]

But we still gotta keep moving, Tifa.

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[personal profile] heroproceeding 2015-12-31 06:25 pm (UTC)(link)