[network] @ADMIN; Arrival [open]

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E҉̘̩̙͢͝͡R̛̫̘̝̮̞̬͓̝̫̻̻̜̦̀ͅŖ̮̳͕̲͚͜O̷̙̖͓͙̗̰͘͟R̯̝͓̪̻̩̟̟͕̥͍̭̪͍͘:̵̛̛̝͖͓̺̥̙̝̀͜ ̧̛͙͚̱̫͇̹̙̥͎̜̖̺̻̕͠͝I͇͓̫̺͖̻͈̝͇̰͕̩̯͝͡N̶̛̪̯̤̭̻͎͚̻̟͙V̧̼͙̹͔͝A̷̸̵̧̰̱̺̗̤̤̹̙̺͕͎͇̦̫͕̣̰̪͟L͏̡͍̣̫̘̖̰̟̤̟̕I̛̜̻̖̦̥͓̟̫͡ͅD҉͏̶̴̷͔̬̗̘͖͓͚͔̗̱̝̹̻͔ ̷̢̗͉͚͓̱̫͙̱̪̥̤͢R̵̢̭͕͖̙̤̣̬̪̜͎͇̙̥̘͕̙͟͜ͅE̴̷̶͇̖̙̪̜̜̫̪̬̣̣̫̺͜F̢͏̸̳̬̟͖͉͎͉̤͉͉͎̣̲̙͉͢E͏̨̧̫̩̭̯͓̬̼̳̳̱͉̤͞R̶͉͈̪͔͈͘Ȩ̧̩͙̦̝͉͇͚̼̫̭̕͘͡N̷̡̖͇͕̻̰̯͈͕͉̯C̳̝͍̤̫̥̰͝Ȩ̴̨͡͏̥̥̯̰̭̻̳̫E҉̘̩̙͢͝͡R̛̫̘̝̮̞̬͓̝̫̻̻̜̦̀ͅŖ̮̳͕̲͚͜O̷̙̖͓͙̗̰͘͟R̯̝͓̪̻̩̟̟͕̥͍̭̪͍͘:̵̛̛̝͖͓̺̥̙̝̀͜ ̧̛͙͚̱̫͇̹̙̥͎̜̖̺̻̕͠͝I͇͓̫̺͖̻͈̝͇̰͕̩̯͝͡N̶̛̪̯̤̭̻͎͚̻̟͙V̧̼͙̹͔͝A̷̸̵̧̰̱̺̗̤̤̹̙̺͕͎͇̦̫͕̣̰̪͟L͏̡͍̣̫̘̖̰̟̤̟̕I̛̜̻̖̦̥͓̟̫͡ͅD҉͏̶̴̷͔̬̗̘͖͓͚͔̗̱̝̹̻͔ ̷̢̗͉͚͓̱̫͙̱̪̥̤͢R̵̢̭͕͖̙̤̣̬̪̜͎͇̙̥̘͕̙͟͜ͅE̴̷̶͇̖̙̪̜̜̫̪̬̣̣̫̺͜F̢͏̸̳̬̟͖͉͎͉̤͉͉͎̣̲̙͉͢E͏̨̧̫̩̭̯͓̬̼̳̳̱͉̤͞R̶͉͈̪͔͈͘Ȩ̧̩͙̦̝͉͇͚̼̫̭̕͘͡N̷̡̖͇͕̻̰̯͈͕͉̯C̳̝͍̤̫̥̰͝Ȩ̴̨͡͏̥̥̯̰̭̻̳̫E҉̘̩̙͢͝͡R̛̫̘̝̮̞̬͓̝̫̻̻̜̦̀ͅŖ̮̳͕̲͚͜O̷̙̖͓͙̗̰͘͟R̯̝͓̪̻̩̟̟͕̥͍̭̪͍͘:̵̛̛̝͖͓̺̥̙̝̀͜ ̧̛͙͚̱̫͇̹̙̥͎̜̖̺̻̕͠͝I͇͓̫̺͖̻͈̝͇̰͕̩̯͝͡N̶̛̪̯̤̭̻͎͚̻̟͙V̧̼͙̹͔͝A̷̸̵̧̰̱̺̗̤̤̹̙̺͕͎͇̦̫͕̣̰̪͟L͏̡͍̣̫̘̖̰̟̤̟̕I̛̜̻̖̦̥͓̟̫͡ͅD҉͏̶̴̷͔̬̗̘͖͓͚͔̗̱̝̹̻͔ ̷̢̗͉͚͓̱̫͙̱̪̥̤͢R̵̢̭͕͖̙̤̣̬̪̜͎͇̙̥̘͕̙͟͜ͅE̴̷̶͇̖̙̪̜̜̫̪̬̣̣̫̺͜F̢͏̸̳̬̟͖͉͎͉̤͉͉͎̣̲̙͉͢E͏̨̧̫̩̭̯͓̬̼̳̳̱͉̤͞R̶͉͈̪͔͈͘Ȩ̧̩͙̦̝͉͇͚̼̫̭̕͘͡N̷̡̖͇͕̻̰̯͈͕͉̯C̳̝͍̤̫̥̰͝Ȩ̴̨͡͏̥̥̯̰̭̻̳̫
E҉̘̩̙͢͝͡R̛̫̘̝̮̞̬͓̝̫̻̻̜̦̀ͅŖ̮̳͕̲͚͜O̷̙̖͓͙̗̰͘͟R̯̝͓̪̻̩̟̟͕̥͍̭̪͍͘:̵̛̛̝͖͓̺̥̙̝̀͜ ̧̛͙͚̱̫͇̹̙̥͎̜̖̺̻̕͠͝I͇͓̫̺͖̻͈̝͇̰͕̩̯͝͡N̶̛̪̯̤̭̻͎͚̻̟͙V̧̼͙̹͔͝A̷̸̵̧̰̱̺̗̤̤̹̙̺͕͎͇̦̫͕̣̰̪͟L͏̡͍̣̫̘̖̰̟̤̟̕I̛̜̻̖̦̥͓̟̫͡ͅD҉͏̶̴̷͔̬̗̘͖͓͚͔̗̱̝̹̻͔ ̷̢̗͉͚͓̱̫͙̱̪̥̤͢R̵̢̭͕͖̙̤̣̬̪̜͎͇̙̥̘͕̙͟͜ͅE̴̷̶͇̖̙̪̜̜̫̪̬̣̣̫̺͜F̢͏̸̳̬̟͖͉͎͉̤͉͉͎̣̲̙͉͢E͏̨̧̫̩̭̯͓̬̼̳̳̱͉̤͞R̶͉͈̪͔͈͘Ȩ̧̩͙̦̝͉͇͚̼̫̭̕͘͡N̷̡̖͇͕̻̰̯͈͕͉̯C̳̝͍̤̫̥̰͝Ȩ̴̨͡͏̥̥̯̰̭̻̳̫ E҉̘̩̙͢͝͡R̛̫̘̝̮̞̬͓̝̫̻̻̜̦̀ͅŖ̮̳͕̲͚͜O̷̙̖͓͙̗̰͘͟R̯̝͓̪̻̩̟̟͕̥͍̭̪͍͘:̵̛̛̝͖͓̺̥̙̝̀͜ ̧̛͙͚̱̫͇̹̙̥͎̜̖̺̻̕͠͝I͇͓̫̺͖̻͈̝͇̰͕̩̯͝͡N̶̛̪̯̤̭̻͎͚̻̟͙V̧̼͙̹͔͝A̷̸̵̧̰̱̺̗̤̤̹̙̺͕͎͇̦̫͕̣̰̪͟L͏̡͍̣̫̘̖̰̟̤̟̕I̛̜̻̖̦̥͓̟̫͡ͅD҉͏̶̴̷͔̬̗̘͖͓͚͔̗̱̝̹̻͔ ̷̢̗͉͚͓̱̫͙̱̪̥̤͢R̵̢̭͕͖̙̤̣̬̪̜͎͇̙̥̘͕̙͟͜ͅE̴̷̶͇̖̙̪̜̜̫̪̬̣̣̫̺͜F̢͏̸̳̬̟͖͉͎͉̤͉͉͎̣̲̙͉͢E͏̨̧̫̩̭̯͓̬̼̳̳̱͉̤͞R̶͉͈̪͔͈͘Ȩ̧̩͙̦̝͉͇͚̼̫̭̕͘͡N̷̡̖͇͕̻̰̯͈͕͉̯C̳̝͍̤̫̥̰͝Ȩ̴̨͡͏̥̥̯̰̭̻̳̫
E҉̨̢͎͎̗̦͈͎̘R̨̘̦̙̖̳͈͟R̢̞̺͖̩̟̻͙͕̩͜O̢̢̼͉͔̟̯̝͇̙͜͠R̴̛̗̝͕̣̘͙̪͖̀͟:̢̢͉̙̥̝͖͉̯̟͇̖̱̖͓̲̳ ͏̴͉͈͈̦̝̦͉͖̖͉̪̝̠̭I͡҉̣̼̜̩̻̜͓̻̳̼̥̭̯̭̫͉̭ͅL̶͖͖̯̝̥̬̖̤̥̹͎̟̬̻̦̜̝̻̗͟͞Ļ̸̸̸̥̺̝̜̭̘̞͈͎͚͉E̶͍͍͈̬̕͜͟G̳̬͉̙̥̩̼̭̦͔͘͜͡À̴͟҉̤͔͇̩̳͝ͅL̟͉̯̥̝̀͢͝ ͏҉͈͎͇̞̪̬͓͎̖̥̜̦̖̜O̺̹̺̜͉̠͉̠͇̭̣͔͡͞P̢͘͜҉̺̝̥͎̜Ḙ̢͔͇̰͇̯̺͇͓̜Ŗ̦̝̫̯̻̰͍͙̼̮͎̕ͅA̸̬̯͉͓̥̕͢͞ͅT̷̡͎̻̳̥Ḭ̵̡̥̭̥̀͞O̴͈̤͚͇̜͘͘͞N̢̬͕̙̫̦̳̫̭͖͙̤.̧͢͜҉̩̼̬̞̟̻͇̭͖ ̳̝̺̯̣̠̣̲͎̝̞̣̭̫͘͠S̡̧̼͈̱̳̰̰̳̻̺̫̝͈͖͎ͅH̦̖̣̦̱͓͙͓̣́͜͠͠Ù̸͎̹̼̱͈͇̼̼̕ͅͅṰ̤̝̦̞͍̮̦̞̼̪͕̹̬͈͝T͞͏̟͖͔̯̼̫̞̥̣̘͉̫̟ͅI̢͖̪̮̺̰̟͎͈͇̻͈͔͉̱̯͓̻͞N̢̨̮̱͕̣͟Ģ̸̝̟͚̩͙͖ͅ ҉̴̝̭̩̯̫̤̼̬͇͡ͅD̨͏̺͎̝̟͔͉͕̲̮͎̦͓̥͕̹͓̮̖̘̀͠Ǫ̵͍͇̝̱̖̳̦͖͡W̸̧̩͕̹̹̬̰̻̣̣͓̞̼̮̦̺͟͞͡N̡̛̫͙̠͚̠̲̙̟̤͔̦͙ͅ.҉̢̻̝̦͓̀̕͠

Comments

[jinxings]

[ It feels so much easier to just focus on Eiri for now. What Eiri is feeling, if he's doing well, where he could be in this place.. it's certainly easier than thinking about himself, than trying to sort out the jumbled mess that his mind is at the moment. There's no denying there's a part of him that wishes for nothing more than Eiri to be by his side right now, to cling to him and let everything out that way, but on the other hand.. maybe this is better. Maybe if Eiri is somewhere far away from this brightly-colored house, then Haku's jinx might not work. Maybe it'll keep him alive, being away from Haku. His eyes fall shut for a moment, mentally chanting it like a prayer. Please, please, please.. just let Eiri be alright.

Even if he doesn't have a reason for living, Eiri does, so Eiri needs to live, more than anything. Even if this would be some dangerous situation where Haku himself could die, as long as Eiri is alright enough to be alive.. then it's fine. ]

.. ah. [ He finally lets out that shakey sound of confirmation that he's heard what Eiri said, needing another moment to be able to form more words at it than just that. ]

But you're alive.

[ That's the important part. Even if Eiri wasn't the one whose life was on the line back home but instead his own, this is the more important fact as far as Haku is concerned - especially when he already spent a time that felt like ages thinking that Eiri was dead.

He never wants to have to fall into that black hole ever again. ]

[fauxtality]

...So are you.

[And that, to Eiri, is more important than anything. To know he's alive, to be able to replace the images seared into his eyes of Haku pressing the barrel of a gun into his head -

It's still hard because Haku isn't right there, but hearing his voice is something, at least. It's confirmation that things didn't go completely to hell.]

You're alive and...and we'll find each other somehow. And we'll get through this. Together.

[Because any other thought is inconceivable. They're Messiah, after all. And didn't Haku once say that they'd be forever?]

[jinxings]

[ Together.. it's a goal for now, at least. Something to work towards, something to live for, for now. Because there's no doubt that Haku (despite knowing that it's better for them to be seperated) wants to see his Messiah so badly. Despite still having to find out a lot about what kind of situation they even ended up in, he just knows that he wants to see Eiri for sure. And with no way of telling where he is somewhere out there in that endless snow, it's not going to be an easy search.

But he's going to try. Just for a little more, just to find the person most important to him again..

He swallows thickly, wiping at his eyes with one of his hands. ]

.. can I see you? [ Even if it's not in person, even if it's just over these devices.. seeing Eiri rather than just hearing his voice would already make it a lot more real. And it's just about the only thing they've got for now. It's the only thing that's got to keep Haku going for the moment.

His voice is still tiny, and it's much, much more vulnerable than he would ever want to show anyone. But if it's Eiri, then it's maybe alright. Eiri already knows that he's actually like this, even if no one else does. ]

video;

[fauxtality]

[Does Haku even have to ask?

(Then again, what else is he going to do if Eiri didn't keep this conversation going on a voice chat the entire time. Duh, Eiri.)

So he quickly works on the tablet, switching the setting, until on Haku's end there will be a shot of Eiri, red-cheeked and red-nosed and cold, but still Eiri, leaning up against the outside wall of his house. He offers up a small, shaky smile and lifts his free hand into the frame in a tiny wave.]

You gonna do the same for me?

[jinxings]

[ That's Eiri alright. It takes Haku a moment to reply, mostly since he's just staring at the screen and the image on it.. it's Eiri in every single possible way. Short, but with spunk - red from the cold, but still trying to smile like that for him, despite the fact that everything has seemed to leave him more than a little ragged too.

It's his Messiah through and through. Eiri is so strong, and Haku knows it. Stronger than him, by far. He's amazing.

But with some fiddling on the tablet, he manages to turn the video feed on as well. There's a near-blinding purple wall behind Haku, seemingly sitting on the bed inside of the house he woke up in. His hair is a little ruffled, but the main thing that shows he's worse for the wear is the way his eyes are red and puffy like he's been crying - it's probably the reason he didn't turn on the video feed at first, but it's not like he can really refuse Eiri anything. ]

Yeah. .. I'm here.

[ He tries to smile in return for Eiri, but somehow it manages to make him look even more sad. ]

[fauxtality]

[...But why can't he be with Haku right now? Why does there have to be some indeterminable amount of distance between them when Haku needs - when they both need - to be comforted right now?

But even just the visual is enough for now. Haku is there, and he's in one piece, and he's alive, and disaster hasn't completely befallen them yet. At all. Eiri can't let himself even think of that possibility. He's never lost a Messiah and he sure as hell isn't going to start today. Just the thought of losing Haku is -

No. No. Stop.

He nods and keeps a smile on his face and stays calm because that's what Hake needs, right? Normalcy. Or as much as he can muster up in this frozen desolation.]

Yeah.

[And yet the longer he stares, the more he can feel tears come to his eyes. Which means his face is probably going to get redder, but he can blame that on the cold, right? Yeah. Definitely. Just as long as he doesn't totally lose it, he'll be fine.]

You're...you're staying warm, right? 'Cause it's cold as balls out here.

[Nothing like the good old stand-by of playing mother hen.]

Or did you decide to get into interior decorating?

[He nods toward the camera and, more specifically, that disgustingly bright paint job behind Haku.]

[jinxings]

Ah.. no. [ The small delay in his reply - and the way he answers so genuinely rather than jumping to teasing right away - shows that everything (both back home and suddenly finding himself here) has taken its toll enough on him that he can't just act the way he usually does right away. It'll come in a little bit, since knowing that Eiri is there really is the biggest relief he could have, but it'll take a short amount of time to get adjusted to the idea. ]

This whole place is like that.

[ He turns the tablet a little so Eiri can see the door Haku left open to hear if anyone is coming in so he can be prepared - beyond is the hallway, painted just as much of an eye-searing bright color, except it's green rather than purple.

Maybe this is just what they both need right now. A little bit of normalcy in their talk. It's not like the way Eiri is almost looking a little more upset each moment despite his smile is missed by Haku. They're both upset. Of course they are, they were in an upsetting situation to begin with, and then to be kidnapped to god knows where for god knows what reason, and to be seperated, and for Haku to not know where Serizawa is if he's even around at all--

It's all too much, all of it combined, and he has to swallow thickly before turning the tablet back to his face. ]

I'm going to go outside though.

[ Because I'm coming to find you is the implication, even if it's not said out loud by any means. He can solve his issues and fears and worries with his jinx and his reason for living and why they're stuck here and what's going on later. Call it a one track mind, but..

Right now, he just wants to see Eiri more than anything first. ]

[fauxtality]

[Eiri doesn't expect Haku to jump straight into teasing mode after everything they've just come from, but the way he answers with no pretense at all is still jarring. Even as the view from Haku's end changes to show the other colorful paint job, Eiri has trouble focusing on it. Things are going to be hard for a while, he knows that much. He's never dealt with anyone close to him going through suicidal tendencies, though he knows it happened in the Church sometimes, especially if someone lost their Messiah. So he knows in theory what he should do, but even so, every person is different and will react differently and -

He just wants to be there with Haku in person. It's good he's gotten into contact at all, but the distance between them makes Eiri uncomfortable. He's sure that back at the Church, if he hadn't have been there, nothing would have stopped Haku from pulling that trigger.

And that thought is terrifying. If something were to happen here to knock Haku's mental stability off balance, who's to say he wouldn't get the urge again? Now that he knows just how badly his Messiah is suffering, the more he notices the dangers of leaving him alone.

...Oh, Haku said something.]

It's disgustingly cold. You know to keep moving once you get out here. Keep your body temp up.

[Of course Haku knows that, and yet Eiri wants to make sure. He's worried. He can't help it.]

[jinxings]

I know.

[ He doesn't say it out loud - who knows who's listening along on these devices, after all - but there's a hint of "I'm a part of Sakura too, you know" in his words. He might act like a huge kid a lot of the time, but he does know how to be serious, even if it's just a seperate mode he's forced upon himself to be able to survive in that kind of environment.

But it means he can survive here. He doesn't know the situation yet, but he's capable of analysing it and finding out here, he's capable of taking care of himself even in the cold and with limited rations, but the truth of the situation is still that the memory of him holding up that gun to his head is still in the back of his mind too.

He has to find Eiri, more than anything. He has to make sure Eiri is alright and really here. He has to survive for that, but.. what after that? What when he meets up with Eiri face to face and will have to face the reality again that the biggest danger to his Messiah isn't the enemy or this place or any weather circumstance at all--

But that it's him?

Haku tucks the thought away into a corner of his mind, chucking it away like a candy wrapper he'll inevitably have to come across again later and deal with by then. Or until there's enough thoughts thrown and stored away that it'll rot him straight from the inside - whichever comes first.

He opens the backpack with rations he found when he woke up to prepare himself for going outside, and for a moment he's just quiet before he speaks up again, a quiet mumble. ]

There aren't any juice boxes..

[ It's not like it's any of his major problems at the moment, but it's easier to pretend it is. ]